u/yenraelmao

I don’t know, I just feel like it would fun and encouraging.

I’ll start: I showed my kid a video of someone doing something I thought was impressive. ok it was Mayor Mamdani speaking Chinese. I thought it might be nice for him to see another non Chinese person learning and speaking mandarin like he is learning to do. He didn’t understand everything in the video so I translated it for him. His reaction was “oh I just didn’t learn these words yet”. I swear my child self would’ve just felt ashamed that I didn’t know these words, and would’ve felt like I should’ve already known. Instead he had this super positive mindset of “I just need to keep learning”. He did this too when a friend came over and had trouble with a video game they were playing. His friend was getting frustrated at not being able to do a move and he was like “you just need to practice a bit more, you’ll get it”. Maybe I can also take a little bit of credit since my parents always implicitly shamed me for things I didn’t know whereas I try to keep the positive attitude of it’s ok if you don’t know, you just gotta keep learning and working at it

It’s an AI evaluation company. You’re expected to create “evals” and to be in office 5 days a week. You need to hit their quota (35/week) in order to get your pay, but the quota changes based on how the rest of the team does. If you don’t meet their quota, your pay is deducted. But of course none of this is described in the job description.

Evals refer to recreating a bioinformatics analysis from a paper and coming up with questions for their AI. Unless these papers are super generic and also super clear on their methods and their data, there is no way to finish one eval an hour , just due to the time to hunt these things down . I definitely did not want to go forward in the interview process but I am really disappointed that they think this a good way to hire people to work ok these evals.

Hosted a simply birthday party for my 8 yo this past weekend. It was just at a playground in a public park, but of course still involved a lot of planning and preordering of cake and I made a themed carnival type game that was a big hit. My kid was very giddy before and after, as far as I can tell it was a good party .

When I told my parents about it a few weeks earlier, my mom said “good! Socialization is so important for children” so I asked her how come she never hosted one for me? She said of course she did, that year I was 16, she hosted one and even provided a cake remember ? And when I came home I told her we didn’t finish the whole cake but left it at the party venue and didn’t bring it back. She repeated that part a few times. Oh also she said, you didn’t look too happy when you came back.

What I remember was I had just changed school so I had no friends. My friend E has volunteered to organize a party for me at the local karaoke place. E speaks a different language and fell into the social group organized around those that spoke that language, so she invited a lot of them. But I didn’t know them and didn’t speak their language so the entire party practically no one talked to me. I also didn’t know any of the karaoke songs. I was really miserable. I remember my dad picking me up and I was on the verge of tears , and started crying in the car. He didn’t ask me why, nor did my mom. So that was the one party mom remember hosting for me , one organized almost entirely by a friend and one where her biggest regret was that we didn’t bring back the cake.

I don’t know why this whole thing is triggering so much resentment towards my parents. Like of course parents don’t exactly owe kid bday parties? But my mom every phone call would reiterate how important socialization is for kids, but my entire childhood she told me I’m never to invite anyone back to the house . They never let me go on school field trips because it cost too much money; and I didn’t have clothes that fit because again it cost too much. I just …I was a shy kid but all those things didn’t help. And when I bring these things up now she would be like “remember that one time I let you bring some people home?” Where my memory of it would be we happen to stop by for 10 min to pick up something before we went to our next thing, and oh yeah I was already 23 and had finally learned how to talk to people after almost never saying a word to anyone my entire high school career.

I guess in a way I was hoping they wouldn’t be so delusional and just remember things so differently , or they’d even listen to my memory and accept it as something I felt growing up? But instead they insist they did a good job with my “socialization” growing up. They’d point to my brother as someone who they molded properly into being social. Whereas again my brothers own childhood memory is feeling very under confident. It’s complicated because we’re immigrants so of course life was hard as a minority, but it didn’t have to be this hard exactly? Like allowing my friends to come over costs no money, or asking your kids how they’re feeling on the day of their bday party. I had my kid record a thank you note yestday to them for the bday presents and they just said I didn’t thank them both. I mean it’s true, I forgot that it technically comes from both of them, but I think all it does is somehow bring back so much resentment that they never thought I was worth this much trouble. For example, for my son they actually asked what he wanted, they very rarely asked me what I wanted for bday or holidays .

Ok deep breaths, I just thought I’d share and thought you all might relate.

I have a job that I’m definitely not in a position to quit, and was in fact hoping to become a permanent member of (I’m currently a contractor). Today in a one on the one the team lead said something like “once (person of certain ethnicity) joins a team, it’s over”. She went on to explain that they would then recruit other people of that race and displace everyone. I was both shocked, and not, since the team lead and I are from the same ethnicity and I sort of know that people of my ethnicity can feel a lot of hostility towards the one she named. I mean I definitely don’t, I find it baffling. But now I feel bad that I have this knowledge. There is a guy on our team who is of that ethnicity. He had previously told me he felt like he and her had a bad start and they’re now able to work well together. I don’t want to rock boat but I feel like it just confirmed that she’s racist towards him. I mean she disparaged him to me the very first day I started work there. I’m not sure there’s much I can do right at the moment, but is there anything you would do? I told my husband if I end up not getting a permanent position I’d consider reporting her but even then I worry about my future references. I had this experience previously too with another colleague who is of my race/ethnicity talking shit another people of another race. I basically just stayed away and didn’t interact much with her. I’m just not going to do anything drastic, but I don’t know, have any of you dealt with this before?