u/yetie16

I’m coming from a place of curiosity and looking for guidance.

**TL;DR:** This is my first healthy relationship, and now that we’re almost three months in, I’m starting to think about long-term compatibility instead of just enjoying the honeymoon phase. My boyfriend is kind and treats me well, but I’m concerned about a few borderline racial comments, his family’s unhealthy communication, and whether those patterns could affect our future marriage and kids. I love him and want to give the relationship a fair chance, but I also want to be realistic because I’m dating with marriage in mind.

—— full story—-
I recently got my first boyfriend, and I’m almost 26 years old. Before him, I mostly dealt with guys who only wanted to sleep with me and never wanted to commit. The longest I ever really talked to someone before this was about a month.

Now my boyfriend and I are coming up on three months together. From the beginning, he’s been amazing—a true gentleman who treats me with kindness and makes me feel so loved. But now that we’re reaching the three-month mark, I feel like the honeymoon phase is wearing off, and I’m starting to notice things that make me question our long-term compatibility.

One of the biggest things is that we’re an interracial couple. There have been two or three comments he’s made that weren’t outright racist but made me think, “Why would you say that when your girlfriend is a different race?” I’ve talked to him about it, and he always apologizes and says he’ll do better. I appreciate that, but it’s frustrating because I’ve spent so much of my life having to stand up for myself, and I don’t want to spend my marriage teaching my spouse about issues that affect me personally.

I’ve also noticed his family argues a lot, and it really stresses me out. I finally told him I didn’t want to be around constant bickering or feel like the mediator every time we’re together. He agreed with me, admitted I was right, and said he’d work on it.
I’m also thinking about the future. I know I want marriage and three or four kids, and I want a peaceful family life. Sometimes I worry that because of the family dynamic he grew up with, he could end up becoming the kind of dad who’s always frustrated or annoyed, and that’s not the life I want for my future children.

This is my first healthy relationship, so it’s also my first time seriously thinking about whether someone could be my husband. I love my boyfriend, and I’m still getting to know him, but I feel guilty for already having these questions. I want to take this relationship seriously while also being realistic because I know no one is perfect.

My main question is how did you really lose 20 pounds and how strict were you?

Currently, I am 25 5’9 and at my heaviest 192 pounds. I’ve notoriously gone on diets calorie deficit.

Also please don’t spam my post with Claorie deficit. I know this is the only way but I’m not doing something right I guess! I try to be in a calorie deficit. But I get scared to eat two less and then I get scared to eat too much.

I really am having some self doubt issues and I just feel like in my work life, my personal life and in my health I’m just a failure at everything. I go to the gym three times a week. I cook majority of my meals I drink and I also go out with my friends too. I’ll spend two hours every Sunday cooking all these meals and it barely gets me anywhere. I guess I’m not being strict enough but I feel like people want to act like oh you can lose weight without being restrictive, but it seems to be like more progress happens when I’m restricted so how did you really lose 20 pounds and how strict were you?

My main question is how did you really lose 20 pounds and how strict were you?

Currently, I am 25 5’9 and at my heaviest 192 pounds. I’ve notoriously gone on diets calorie deficit.

Also please don’t spam my post with Claorie deficit. I know this is the only way but I’m not doing something right I guess! I try to be in a calorie deficit. But I get scared to eat two less and then I get scared to eat too much.

I really am having some self doubt issues and I just feel like in my work life, my personal life and in my health I’m just a failure at everything. I go to the gym three times a week. I cook majority of my meals I drink and I also go out with my friends too. I’ll spend two hours every Sunday cooking all these meals and it barely gets me anywhere. I guess I’m not being strict enough but I feel like people want to act like oh you can lose weight without being restrictive, but it seems to be like more progress happens when I’m restricted so how did you really lose 20 pounds and how strict were you?