u/yjyj8888

Hi, I am 29f dating a 29m. Back story we are in a VERY long distance relationship (me CA, BF EU), we are very in love, see each other about every 1.5-2 months, talking long term future etc. However, are biggest fights have come about from my jealousies and anxieties due to his sex and love as a coping mechanism. He goes to therapy for it, but it definitely still comes up. About a year into dating I caught him lying about texting another women from his past. And he admitted he was having fantasies about his exes. He also shared he felt hypersexual but not toward me at that time. He also was watching a lot of porn at the time. I felt the distance which is why all of this came to surface after a few weeks. I just couldn't handle the lying, and then emotionally cheating. I love him so much and know he is working on this and wants to get help and be better but it just feels like I can feel when when its starting to go that direction again. I want kids, I want to build something with him, but frankly I don't know if one day he will cheat on me, and I do worry about moving forward until I know he is "recovered" or sober if thats possible. I am really torn, because I know he adores me and wants me as his future partner and wife but I am afraid of marrying someone and then getting heartbroken because of his SLAA.

He is currently 2 years sober of alcohol, he said he hasn't watched p in a couple months, and also recently gave up weed. He is a hard worker and a good looking man.

29. I don't want to medicate myself with meds. For the past 5 or 6 years I have noticed that I get waves of feeling overly emotional, ruminating over what "right" next move or decision I should make, questioning my friendships and relationships and career. I have a couple people in my life who I do not question and that is my mom and one or two best girl friends. I feel when I have a steady friendship, or relationship, I feel stable. But when I don't I feel lost or lonely or just question all aspects of my life and notice I have a hard time being fully happy or motivated to do life things. Wondering if anyone else has experienced this or has any tips to get through those lows. Sometimes it just hits me like a brick, and I wake up so unhappy, and compare myself to everyone or have a hard time in seeing what my purpose is. Not in a suicidal way, but more like wanting to find what fulfil me and what I am here for. I want to feel more excited and passionate about life but struggle with it. I also notice, sometimes I lack motivation for making those big changes, like finding a new job, or picking up a new hobby, I think it is partly a fear of failing or just it feeling so big to start. I notice, when I have positive people in my life, or positive things happening around me this really completely disapears for months or even a year at a time. I just think if I had more stable or continuous motivation or energy levels I could get so much more done.