u/youngbutnotstupid

I’ve been a toothpick my whole childhood, both my parents were lean with long legs, so of course I was too. Having a short torso and long legs people always said the typical things (“you should do basketball, be a model, etc. Queue people unable to wrap their minds around that fact that I never played a sport in school).

When I met my partners family and started going on trips with them, they kept talking about how skinny I was. I literally heard my mother in law tell her mom “She’s so fucking skinny” during a trip to Vegas (fun fact I was pregnant with my daughter and hadn’t tested yet). These didn’t seem bad at all to me at the time because my partner is a big guy, so they just kind of expected him to introduce a girl that was closer to his size according to them.

But when I got pregnant with my first kid I noticed a lot of women in the family were anticipating me not being skinny anymore after having her. I got a lot of “just wait, you won’t be able to get rid of the baby weight”. After I had her at 20 I definitely wasn’t teenager skinny, but still pretty lean. I then started going to the gym and gained a more muscular lean build. Of course I got a lot of “oh you’re going to the gym again” at first, that fizzled out. A lot of them follow my private instagram, and each time I post a quick picture on my story after a workout, none of them like it except for my friends who also are gym-goers. I don’t expect them to like anything on my page, but when I posting about my pregnancy announcement with our second, everyone liked it.

I’m getting those comments again and I’m just ignoring it because I am still active at the gym since getting pregnant, and I think it will make for a great recovery, and I know I will get my muscular-lean build back (muscle memory). But once again people are watching hoping that this baby will be the one that “breaks” me and I won’t be lean anymore. I don’t know what makes people think this way.

It sounds like food poisoning, because I feel great. But the last time he was sick, it hit me a week later. Then that also makes me worry about our toddler. When he gets sick it’s very forceful sounding so it raises my anxiety, and I can’t relax until he falls asleep. Usually I give him a frozen wet rag and that seems to help him a lot, he’s not a big fan of using antibiotics for everything.

I wanna be there for him so much more, but my stupid anxiety gets in the way. I find myself covering my ears in fear while he’s getting sick, distancing myself. In between episodes I can tell he just wants my comfort but my mind just says “we can’t, it’s too risky.”

I can’t take care of him yet because I’m at work anyway, but my daughter is home with her grandma and I hope she doesn’t catch anything. When I get home I am going to try my hardest to push away this fear, and just face the exposure therapy.

It sounds like food poisoning, because I feel great. But the last time he was sick, it hit me a week later. Then that also makes me worry about our toddler. When he gets sick it’s very forceful sounding so it raises my anxiety, and I can’t relax until he falls asleep. Usually I give him a frozen wet rag and that seems to help him a lot, he’s not a big fan of using antibiotics for everything.

I wanna be there for him so much more, but my stupid anxiety gets in the way. I find myself covering my ears in fear while he’s getting sick, distancing myself. In between episodes I can tell he just wants my comfort but my mind just says “we can’t, it’s too risky.”

I can’t take care of him yet because I’m at work anyway, but my daughter is home with her grandma and I hope she doesn’t catch anything. When I get home I am going to try my hardest to push away this fear, and just face the exposure therapy.