u/zoewithalab

Hello everyone, for my second boy, I can choose the delivery date (currently pregnant). I’m offered two dates: 26 August 2026 or 28 August 2026.
Which one would you go for and why?
Thanks 🙏

My husband (30M) and I (30F) are expecting our second baby in 3 months. We already have a 2.5 year old, who is happy and healthy.
He is from the UK and I’m from an actually lovely country with a very weak passport thanks to politics. I love living here. He does too. He’s working remotely. He even naturalized as a citizen here recently. He’s the only one who supports us financially atm.

1 year ago, we moved to a big city, away from my parents, so that I could start my medical specialty training. Our son started daycare at 2 year old, he cried his eyes out, he went to daycare for the time I worked which was around 5-6 months. There were a lot of corruption and problems with the program and hospital I had to quit. My son wanted to stay with us at home anyway, so he was overjoyed when we stopped sending him to daycare, it was fine with me as well because he’s still under 3, super young according to me.
Then we had a surprise pregnancy at the time I quit.

Now we argue about where I give birth.
I love travelling, I know I can’t travel as frequently as I want recently due to having a young kid. But my biggest problem has always been my weak passport and constant need for applying to visas. I can’t go anywhere for a weekend on a whim. I can’t find visa appointments when I try to apply. It’s impossible. To fix this, either;
1- I need to live in the UK for years to get citizenship. I’d go, my husband doesn’t want to go back there. His family is useless, we would have absolutely no one there. Also, they recently passed a law about prioritizing their own medical graduates to pursue specialty training (if you ask me, rightfully so), that means I can’t progress in my career there at all, the doors are closed for me as an m.d. He also pays much lower taxes here so that he doesn’t want to go and live in the uk at all.

2- I want to give birth to this baby in Brazil. I even found a doctor. My goal is to get stronger passport so that I can travel with my boys in the future, they won’t be babies forever.
I am more comfortable staying at home when my babies are young, I’m not the type of person who can go back to work immediately. My husband knows that my plan is to stay at home with the new baby for at least 2 years again just like how I’ve done with my first. So my plan is to give birth in Brazil & live there & get a passport (mostly for myself), instead of staying here at home doing exactly the same thing. My husband and my boys are all UK citizens. He keeps telling me over and over again that he doesn’t want to go, it’s not safe there, the sanitation is not up to the standard. I said to him I don’t believe in the negative comments on internet about Brazil so much because remember you’ve never visited my country thinking it was unsafe, now you refuse to leave? I’m expecting Brazil to be just like where we live. Maybe I’m wrong, idk.

3- on top of that, we’re living in northern hemisphere and I will give birth at the end of summer. I gave birth at the same time to my first. Season changing to winter does not help with my PPD at all. This is another reason why I want to spend a year after baby’s birth in Brazil because they will be heading to summer instead. So that I can put him in his stroller and go outside, enjoy the weather. Maybe I’ll end up being less depressed.

4- he says I have family and friends here who can help. This can’t be any more far from the truth. When I tried to convince him about my mom looking after our first a bit so that we can go on a stroll, he never left him with her. He says he doesn’t trust her because she has epilepsy and even though she’s on her meds she can still lose consciousness for a brief period of time. She also tends to leave the baby with my sister, who is living with her and unfortunately schizophrenic, but loves her nephew deeply. I agree with him on all of his concerns and we only visited my family in the end, never really depended on them for childcare even for a short amount of time. They do live far away right now anyway, 5 hours in car.
I have no friends here since we moved here 1 year ago.
I have 2 close cousins and my aunt here, they both have their newborns and their hands are more than full that I can not expect any help from them.
AND most importantly we never ever, even for an hour, relied on any of these people for help with our first. We hired a helper when our first was 4 months old up until 18 months old. I stayed at home and looked after him with the helper.
I know maybe he doesn’t mean for relying on these people for help but seeing them from time to time, socializing with them. He argues Brazil is a foreign land and we don’t know the language and we will be completely isolated there.

4- he’s saying we disrupt our son’s routine and his life here.. I said what life? He doesn’t even want to go to his daycare. He’s at home with us all the time.

I know where he is coming from but I also feel he’s being selfish because I’m the one who is stuck with this weak passport and he can go wherever he wants? I feel like a dead weight on my family, we couldn’t even go to the UK for Christmas because they took a long time to issue a visa for me, for my kid to visit his grandparents. I’m so sick of all these. All in all, I already made my mind up sacrificing these 1.5-2 years looking after the baby, then I’ll go back to work again. It doesn’t matter for me where I do the childcare, either here or there, all the same. Finances are no issue for either of us.

We’ve been arguing about this. I don’t know if this is the right sub to post this but any help is appreciated to sort out this conflict. I wish he was more supportive of this.