u/zukunft-phobia

I have been slowly but surely getting rid of various social medias, watching much less youtube, turning home pages or recommended feeds off of reddit, etc. and just reducing my overall screen time as much as possible.

I think it has probably been good for me? I have been slowly in this process for a year now and pretty much nothing is left to distract me other than reddit, but again, my home page is empty and all the suggestions are blocked.

But without all these distractions I just kind of find myself extremely depressed. Especially since as I have gotten older (i'm 24), I have less and less opportunities to see friends and whatnot. Everyone is busy, and somehow I am not. I frequently hike, have been reading quite a bit, go out to disc golf, go out to grab food on my own, draw, am trying to learn piano badly, etc. Yet with all of this it still isn't enough, my life feels hollow and pointless right now. I'm trying to be happy on my own, with myself, but it feels impossible.

I can't do any big trips until I am done with my master's so unfortunately that is off the table, as much as I would LOVE to just leave for a month or something to change things up. My life just feels so dull, and I have failed to adjust to this new boredom that follows me around. I just don't have the energy to do anything now. What can I do to enrich my life? It feels like nothing is happening, that I am stagnant, that all of my friends are passing me by.

Coming from Canada, thinking of opportunities abroad, any insight on what the forestry market looks like on the continent?

Also, what's the opportunity for research and newer technologies like drones and lidar look like over there?

A lot of the time I get weird vibes from people that maybe they actually don't like me and I don't know if I'm just being hyper sensitive or what but I notice subtle changes in tone and expression and tend to think the worst of it.

I feel like all my friends secretly loathe me or see me as a burden or as an idiot and I just want to isolate myself from them so I don't have to bother them anymore.

At some point soon I'm going to kill myself because I can't take this shit any longer, I feel like nobody cares about me anymore, and I'm not going to tell anyone in my life about how I'm feeling anymore. They don't care, there's nothing they could do anyway, and they will only get in the way of me making the decision I've needed to make forever.

it is all I ever think about. I am fundamentally broken, I have tried to get better over and over and over, and guess what, I am still a piece of shit friend, partner, and family member. I'll have a good thing going and I always manage to fuck it up. I have been permanently stunted and honestly I don't even want to get better. I am addicted to thinking of dying, it is all I really want anymore, the only ambition I still have.

People are only really going to care once I am gone, they don't give a shit right now, so why stay at all.

I don't know what it is specifically about this show but the composition and the focus of writing songs based on the character's emotions instead of trying to drive the plot with them just works so well.

I am far from being the angsty teen I once was, but sometimes you just need something to listen to when you feel like shit and this is a great comfort musical. This is now my second time seeing it and this cast just blew me away with their portrayal of the naivety, love, and heartbreak of adolescence.

And of course the overarching plot of keeping kids in the dark about their own bodies and feelings and what those mean, which leads to so much pain, is still super relevant today well over a hundred years after the original play was written. Just so so obsessed with the writing and the soundtrack on this one. It kind of reminds me of how I felt after first seeing Jagged Little Pill. So many feelings and hard conversations packed into one little show, and it just keeps nailing the delivery.

Ugh, Melchior I love ya