r/AFCNorthMemeWar

Pittsburgh Zoo made headlines this weekend for swapping Gorillas with Franklin Park Zoo in Boston. They gave up Frankie (7) and got Little Joe (33) in return. Sports fans across social media were quick to make jokes about the exchange, saying that Boston won the trade in a landslide because they got the younger Gorilla. Classic example of an inexperienced GM giving up a young talent for a washed star.

But the sports fans are wrong. Anyone with a crumb of ball knowledge should easily see that Pittsburgh won this trade. Little Joe is no washed veteran. This is not AD for Luka. This is 2018 LeBron for a high school senior. Little Joe is the best IN THE LEAGUE. Anyone who witnessed his 2003 run knew he was going to be great. He scaled an electric fence, jumped a moat, injured a toddler, and only got caught because his bus was late. He was out for 2 HOURS. Harambe couldn’t last a minute with a toddler INSIDE his enclosure. Is this your GOAT?

Little Joe has been carrying a small market Boston team for over 20 years, he finally gets sent to a contender, and they call it a finesse? For Boston? Have you seen Pittsburgh’s silverback room? Harry died two seasons ago after a great career. Ivan (not the HOFer, the other one) was supposed to be the next gorilla up, but he died unexpectedly last season. You really think Pittsburgh is going to hand the reigns of such a historic franchise to Frankie? He won’t reach reproductive maturity for at least another 5 years. Little Joe on the other hand, with 10-15 more years of projected fertility, is a perfect fit for this roster. He’s no Shabani, but he’s the best you’re going to get in America. He’s just what this team needs to take down San Diego.

Boston is now in full rebuild. Without a silverback it seems their goal is to develop young assets and see what sticks. Frankie has the potential to be a nice centerpiece in about a decade or so, but he’s stepping into a crowded blackback room. He is going to have to work for it if he wants to be the face of this franchise.

Edit: Mixed up Harry and Ivan, my bad

And I hate all of you.

Every year we beat the living shit out of each other like it’s the AFC Championship in Week 6 and ruin the other team (and ourselves) for at least a game. This is how football should be played

That being said I hope everyone on your team gets food poisoning and shits their pants on live tv. I laugh my ass off whenever you lose to us because that’s how bad you fucking suck. And you do. All 3 of you assholes lose to our shitty ass team at least once a year now, except for Baltimore who loses to us once every 2 years. Way to waste a generational QB you old bay loving pricks. Edgar Allen Poe couldn’t write a sadder tale for your team. Another Super Bowl? Nevermore

Fuck all you guys. I’m looking forward to ruining at least 2 of your teams’ playoff hopes again this year on our way to 5 and whatever

Cheers you fuckin assholes