Please stop saying "Alastor is aro/ace, so I don't want him shipped with anybody."

A. We don't definitively know he's aro in the show, only ace.

B. This is important, so please pay close attention:

Aro/ace people can still be involved in meaningful, intimate relationships.

Even if somebody does not specifically feel romantic or sexual feelings (which is a massive overgeneralization anyway), this doesn't mean they can't feel deeply intimate feelings for another person and be happy in a monogamous, committed relationship. Please stop acting like him being in a relationship would invalidate him being aro/ace. Please stop pushing the narrative that aro/ace people are incapable of having these types of relationships. Please learn what these labels consist of before arguing. If you, personally, do not feel any sort of intimacy for another person as an aro/ace, that's perfectly fine. However, it's not okay to invalidate others by insisting that there's only one right way to portray aro/ace.

This is not a shitpost. This is a 100%, factual, completely true story. No, seriously.

I’m aroace. I realise that now. But I didn’t consider it at all for LITERAL YEARS, because I didn’t like garlic bread.

Hear me out. You see, when I first came across the term asexual, I did briefly wonder if that could be me. But, when I looked it up, all that really came up were the memes. Memes about how garlic bread is better than sex.

And I looked at that, and legitimately thought “I’d rather have sex than eat garlic bread, so there’s no way I’m asexual.”

And that’s still true! I’d probably consider myself sex repulsed, but I would rather have sex than eat garlic bread.

But why do I hate garlic bread so much? Well, I have an oh so tragic backstory, you see.

One time, as a young child, I was sick with a stomach bug. My dad wanted to make me feel better, so he made me a dinner he thought would be easy to eat and comforting. Cheesy garlic bread. But you know how when you’re sick sometimes, everything tastes like ass? Yeah, it tasted like ass.

Then, I went to bed, still feeling sick. I woke up in the middle of the night, and puked cheesy garlic bread everywhere.

So, to this day, I avoid garlic bread of any kind like the plague.

Now wait, I hear you say! Garlic bread isn’t the only quintessential ace in the hole food! There’s also cake!

Well, guess what? I also hate cake. I saw memes all about garlic bread and cake, and much in the same way I would look at sexual things and say “no thanks, not for me, I’ll be leaving now” I left, and stayed clear of asexual spaces, simply to avoid the memes about the two foods I hate with a passion.

And so, for years, I failed to understand my sexuality. I kept coming back to the idea that I could be asexual. But I didn’t feel like I fit in with the asexual community, these cake loving, garlic bread worshipping gremlins. So I told myself all the classic lies; I haven’t met the right person, I’m bi but everyone’s ugly, I’m too young to know, etc etc.

So, you wonder, what exactly was it that finally slapped me in the face and told me: “You’re asexual, bitch!”?

Hazbin. Hazbin fucking hotel.

You know the guy.

Alastor the godamn radio demon was the relatable meme I needed to feel part of the asexual community. Am I a cannibal? No. Am I a serial killer? Nope. Do I have a fuckass neon pink bob haircut? Definitely not.

But he was sure as hell (pun intended) relatable.

And, watching the show, I found myself thinking: “Huh. There sure are a lot of relationships going on in this show. It’s almost like most people are genuinely interested in that as a plot device and get emotional over the ways they develop…” which only provided further evidence for my trial in both asexual and aromantic court.

Long story short, I HATE garlic bread, and because of that I denied my own asexuality. And it took a fruity red demon to force my eyes open and finally realise the truth.

Thank you for coming to my dumbass TED Talk.