r/AusFosterCarers

My partner and I are long term foster carers and the kids we look after have a complicated family with several siblings, half siblings, foster siblings etc. Recently we were approached by a friend to be a sperm donor. We are ok with the idea and would like to help her, but I’m a bit unsure about whether it will be an issue for our foster kids (eldest is 6).

As a principle we would like to be open and make sure everyone is aware of things so there are no secrets to come out later on. I think we can explain it to our foster kids in terms of “we wanted to help X have a baby, but that doesn’t mean that we are their parents and it doesn’t change how we feel about you”. But I do worry that they might feel rejected or competed with somehow and want to make sure we are taking their (potential) feelings into account.

I guess the obvious thing to do is ask them, but I think it will take a while to process and get a clear answer, and they’re likely to disclose it to others which would be problematic.

Any thoughts, foster homies?

We looked after a second little girl yesterday, just for the day in order to get to know her before a first sleepover next week.

She is really sweet and we had a beautiful day with her.

Given we both work full time, and given family caring responsibilities, that's probably us done in terms of meeting new kids - I think that we'll continue to care for and build bonds with these two over time, maybe with the odd one-off but I don't think we can offer meaningful ongoing/routine respite to a third child with only weekends realistically available.

I am so happy we made it here. It feels right and I hope we are able to both offer genuine relief to their families while also expanding their network of safe and loving adults to trust and call on when needed.