r/BumbleGirls

Basically this. I haven't been on a first date in many, many years, was in a long term relationship for my early twenties. I'm naturally a really shy person and the guy I'm talking to asked to go to dinner after two days, which I'm just not ready for. I'm wondering how to tell him that politely, hopefully without scaring him away lol. We've barely even talked, just know we share interests.

And, once that's done, on another note—am I just wasting everyone's time? I keep seeing people say that most girls agree to a date after one week and that it's pointless if I'm not willing to do that. Is that true? I literally downloaded the app last Thursday and hearing that is making me wonder if I should already just give up and delete it because I'm fundamentally not ready to be going on instant dates left and right. Am I just screwed? Lol.

Edit: Please keep in mind the first half, I'd like to figure out what I should say to him.

I am 22 from india would love to make new friends should be female from india Would love to share and talk about different things. I really enjoy talking about shared interest, e.g., books/movies/ fashion/ astrology/Numerology.
Life is all about meeting new people making friends.
I hope i'll get some good female friends here🥹🎀🩷

I had a match that asked 3 questions in 3 days of talking. On day two of talking, I asked about the lack of questioning. I mentioned that people often come online and match with a bunch of people which can make it overwhelming to connect. They didn't respond to the statement and instead asked a question, but I feel like they were pressured to do so. Ultimately, they unmatched when I alluded to the presence of additional matches on both our ends.

Are the haystack method and rostering meant to be secretive?

Would it be weird to match with a person and tell them where they are on the roster?

I have a prompt on my profile about honest and transparent communication, so I am wondering how this conflicts when I match with a person who rosters me.

I don't want to waste anyone's time. I believe in the horizontal distribution of power, but I don't see how rostering respects this if you can't handle being present for every match.

I had a completely different day planned today. Pilates, reading my book, cooking, generally minding my own business. I wasn’t even planning to run, but I woke up early and randomly felt like I HAD to, so I went.

While running, I kept passing this ridiculously sweaty guy wearing a nasal strip. At some point he looked at me like he knew me, and I suddenly thought, wait… do I know him? He was already far ahead by then, so for reasons unknown to God or man, I literally ran after him and asked.

Turns out WE MATCHED ON BUMBLE BEFORE 😭. We’d talked about meeting but I got slammed with work and it never happened.

We started talking. He was supposed to go home, I needed water, he came with me, and somehow we ended up sitting by the ocean talking for HOURS.
And this man asked me questions. About South Africa, my ethnicity, my family, growing up, my work, travel, my interests. We talked about Palestine, history, architecture, religion (we’re from different sects, which could be interesting if this ever went anywhere), yoga, our families, everything.

At one point I noticed him yawning and said, “Dude, you can take me home whenever I start annoying you, I can see you’re tired.”

He said, “If we could, I would literally sit here all day and talk to you.”

And honestly? It felt like we could. 😭
I was supposed to go to Pilates at 11. Around 9 I thought we’d quickly get a smoothie and I’d go home.
Reader, Pilates did not happen.

We got breakfast instead, shared our food, and kept talking. He likes history and architecture and I realized I genuinely enjoyed just listening to him. I also played him South African jazz and HE LIKED IT. Huge.

Eventually we ended up at his place. He has plants, so naturally I started giving him plant advice and told him he needs to name them and speak to them.
Him: “Really?”
Me: “100%. Do I sound like some moon creature to you?”
Him: “100%.”
So he definitely thinks I’m weird. 😭
I also informed him that I am 100% serious about wanting one of those resin mushroom rings as my engagement ring someday. He said, “Your mom must think you’re a handful.”
Correct.

He also told me he likes that I’m soft-spoken, so I immediately informed him that I may be soft-spoken but I also have clap-in-your-face attitude. His response was basically, “I like that. Spicy.”
There were also these stupidly sweet little things. I wanted to throw away a used tissue and he literally took it out of my hand and threw it away for me. I was like THAT IS DISGUSTING 😭. He paid for everything. He offered to let me shower at his place and give me clothes because we’d both been exercising and were absolutely disgusting.
And yes, we eventually slept together. I’d recently decided I don’t want meaningless sex anymore, so I was surprised by how different this felt. We’d already spent hours connecting and I actually felt comfortable, present and genuinely attracted to him rather than like I was performing. Let’s just say, I WAS READY to make him feel good and WANTING someone instead of being there felt
so good. I did the job 😉

Afterward we talked about that too. Neither of us is ready to jump into a relationship, but neither of us is interested in just fucking around either.
There are things I’m simply observing for now. But it is literally DAY ONE, so I’m not trying to turn this into anything yet.
I eventually got home at 3 PM.
I LEFT AT SIX IN THE MORNING TO GO FOR A RUN. 😭😭😭
I told my mom the PG version and she was actually happy for me. She just said, “Good. Take it step by step.”
And that’s exactly how I feel. I’m not saying I met my husband. I barely know this man.
But I spent basically an entire day with someone without noticing the time. He was curious about me. I was curious about him. I didn’t feel like I was monitoring myself or trying to be attractive or interesting. I was sweaty, opinionated, soft, weird, talking about plants and mushroom rings and my brother’s gym shorts, and he seemed to genuinely enjoy me.
So now I’m sitting here clean and showered thinking:
What the FUCK was today? 😭
I went for a run and came home nine hours later with a crush on a 31-year-old nasal-strip man who thinks I’m a moon creature.
Life is so fucking weird. 😭😭😭

Hi guys for context I (19F) am a plus size woman who has only begun trying to get into the dating pool to find a partner. At first it was going off a hard start with only fetishizers interested in me. But after a bit I finally connected with a great guy and so far it's been going great. He has been committed in getting to know me, not rushing too fast and giving compliments that don't sound forced and with sexual intent e.g. he would say I am radiant.

Anyways a week later and I decided to show him a full body picture of myself (with clothes on ok freaks). He saw it and said he thought I was lovely but I didn't feel like he meant it and began to second doubt myself. After I said thank you for the compliment he didn't respond to me for 4 hours. Previously we would text most of the time and only have a 1-2 hr gap in replying back so I found this very weird.

So far hasn't said anything and now I feel I disgusted him and ruined my chance with a guy. Which is ashamed because it was going very well and I truly felt like we had a genuine connection. I just feel so hurt and don't know what to do, I'm so scared that I ruined things. I could potentially be overthinking things but idk. I just really want this to work out but what do I do here?

Edit! Thank you girlies so much I dodged a red flag he was an actual dick.

I'm talking to a guy, and I randomly asked him his type. He wasn't saying, so I just said, 'I won't judge you,' but his reply was: 'You’re already judging yourself 😘.' What does this mean?

I (28 F) have been on dating apps for about two years now and have had no success. I've been on a handful of dates, and the guys I have had dates with, the furthest I've gotten was the 2nd date. After that, either I get ghosted or I realize I'm actually not attracted to them. Basically I want a relationship, but I just want to skip straight to the part where we've already met and know everything about each other.

I have been in a relationship before, but it was a long time ago when I just got out of high school. The break up absolutely gutted me and I didn't ever want to date again. I didn't want anyone that wasn't my ex. I eventually got over him, but I think I just have this lingering fear from it. My ex wasn't abusive to me at all and the breakup wasn't due to cheating, but I just felt this fear that I would never feel the way I felt with my ex ever again. Or if I did, I would just get my heart broken again and I didn't want to experience that pain again. So I didn't date. No apps. No set ups. No matchmaking. Nothing. I focused solely on myself.

My decision to finally start dating again came from a summer of watching people I went to high school with get engaged/married/pregnant left and right, and I felt behind. About a year or two before, I finally started thinking that I would like a relationship again, but I absolutely hated the idea of dating and putting myself out there. So I didn't do anything about it.

I already struggle with depression and anxiety, so I think that's influenced a lot of my fear/disdain for dating. But I feel sometimes there may truly not be someone out there for me. I haven't felt any significant connection with or attraction to anyone I've met from the apps. I know it's possible bc I have friends and cousins who have met their now husbands or fiancees on there, so it just fuels my feeling that I'm the problem.

I have done all the things people tell you to do if dating is bringing you down (focus on hobbies, career, platonic relationships, etc). I am trying to focus on myself and how I can be a better version of myself. I'm in therapy, I started medication for my depression, I'm eating better and trying harder to stay in shape. And I feel like I'm in a better spot in those aspects than I have in a long time, and I still feel like this.

I don't need to hear "oh you'll find someone" or anything like that. I just needed to get these feelings of frustration off my chest.

Edit: idk if it's the post or me being more active on here, particularly in the dating groups, but this post is not me inviting people to chat with me or searching for a date. I am purely venting. If anyone has taken this to mean it's a green light to slide into my dms you are mistaken.