r/Comebacks

I’ll ask my friend a question and they act like they have no idea what I’m saying, like what I asked makes no sense.

I used to try to reword the question or explain myself but he still acts like he doesn’t understand and that I’m crazy. I think it’s all a ruse.

I started just simply saying “I can’t say it any other way than I already did” instead of engaging.

I would like a better way to insult him.

basically, i still have the access to my ex’s families paramount + account. this ex was a HORRIFIC person. how do i troll it? or mess it up with minor inconveniences?

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS "JOKE!" I want a good set of comebacks that will instantly shut it down.

I have mousey brown hair naturally. With my cool pale skin tone, I dye my hair auburn and everything looks richer, it suits me so well.

I get comments on it all of the time, majority ask if it’s natural.. mainly complimenting, but the odd few do laugh and ask why, in not too kind of a way.

I need something sharp and witty to get back to them with that I can add to my book.

I love it and I’m confident with it, but I’d rather have something quick to say than explaining myself.

What’s a witty, unexpected comeback to someone saying “Do you know who I am?”

I don’t want the usual “if you have to ask…” type answer. I’m looking for something creative, sharp, and unpredictable — more clever than aggressive.

I tagged my friend in a post where it was written "Do asthetic people also wear lose Condoms" & my friend said "Ask your wife". Need a absolutely worst comeback savage reply.

I sajd wanna come over ;)

He said “are you gonna make it worth it?”

I said “are you?”

He said “I mean I will. Will you?”

What should I reply? I also do want him to come over lol I was just displeased with him saying that.. feels immature. So looking for a comeback that might still leave it open for us to meet lol

Thinking of just being like “I’m good in bed if that’s what you mean”

Anyone got anything better?

My best friend blocked me everywhere and is now telling people that I'm "chasing" her. The thing is, I didn't even get a chance to say anything before she blocked me.

I do have a second account that she hasn't blocked yet, and I'm honestly tempted to send one final message just to call out the lies.. GIMME SM GOOD ONES..

EDIT : she also said "i hope u dont make any good frnds"

I hate this especially when ur not feeling well and assholes say this crap

I want a good comeback that isn’t too insulting but also holds weight. Classy but will also shut them up quick.

What do you say to someone who picks your chair (what is warm with your body temperature) and comments: "Thanks for keeping it warm".

It really felt witty but I couldn't think of a comeback.

I'm bald and overweight and 42 year old guy. I gained weight after I fractured my ankle that brought a stop to my passion of running and jump rope. Some people body shame me everytime when I see them.

"At least I have hair"

"I bet you can't seen what's under your potbelly"

"You, uncle, are too old for this"

"If we are sprint racing I'd just keep laughing with your bouncing body parts, and lose the race."

"You'd be around during dinosaurs"

"You sit at the font seat, your a$$ needs more space" - while sitting in a car.

Sorry for the inundated comments. I just found this SR and just poured my heart out.

EDIT: Though these guys state it as intended humor, I'm looking for witty comebacks to give them a fitting response.

Saw this on Reddit thought id share.

knock knock

use the doorbell please

ding Dong

Who’s there?

You, youre the ding dong for ruining my knock knock joke

They said “my friend had the quickest comeback”

Really niche but you ever seen people say "I work in AI" as if it makes them smarter and better than everyone else and justifies all asshole behavior? Those who have seen this will understand how annoying it is.