r/IncelSolutions

To be fully clear, i harbor no negative feelings about women nor do i view them in an evil light. this post discusses my internal subconcious when around women.

I need help with an issue im facing, its the general feeling of being a burden to women around me. I cannot interact with any woman without a deep sense of shame for talking to her or my internal monologue telling me "you are bothering her, cant you see that? cant you see that they are uncomfortable?"

recently i when walking to a concert, a woman my age wanted to ask me something, my first subconcious instinct was to almost reply with "im sorry, i am not following you or anything, im just heading the same direction", she just wanted to know if i was walking or not. this experience combined with other feelings of being inherently bad or malicious have been bothering me for close to a decade now.

ive noticed a personal trend where i feel a deep sense of dread whenever im on social media and see a woman that has the same interests as me, or relationship posts. It has only recently gotten so bad that instead of feeling attraction towards women i just feel sick with the idea of "thats not a life meant for you" or "not this lifetime bud". which is worrying me substantially, especially because to to this feeling im struggling to even show myself in public or i need to continously look at the ground to get anything done.

ive tried alot of things, going to therapy and getting evaluated psychologically as feeling personal disgust rather then attraction is something that needs to be properly discussed, i have attempted to overcome this feeling by trying to engage with people in general, but whenever its a woman my age my stomach churns and the mental loop just starts playing.

i am willing to try to overcome this innate fear i have of being "too disgusting" to even engage with woman, any advice regarding mental improvement would be appreciated, truthfully im at the end of my rope as i just have no real grasp on how i should approach this problem. i will address this issue with my healthcare providers again in order to continue the conversation regarding my mental self image.

thanks for thanking the time to reply in advance.

Venting without a purpose isn't something we encourage here, and I want to explain why.

If you have a problem, the most useful thing you can do is communicate it clearly, say what's bothering you, and say what you actually want help with. That's really the whole thing.

Venting on its own doesn't give people much to work with. It's not solution-oriented, it doesn't help you process what you're feeling, and it doesn't move anything forward. And when it becomes a habit, it can quietly become a way of extracting sympathy rather than actually getting better, which doesn't help anyone, least of all you.

We get why it's tempting. If you're just venting, you don't have to explicitly ask for what you want. You can avoid that vulnerability. Stating a need plainly feels risky, so instead you offload the frustration and leave everyone else to guess what you're actually looking for. That puts a lot of pressure on the people trying to help you, and it tends to leave you feeling unresolved too.

If something in your life needs to change, say what you want changed. If you want advice, ask for it. If you want accountability, ask for that too. The people here genuinely want to help, but they can't if they don't know what you need.

That's why the rule exists: any vent needs to come paired with a specific request. Not "I just needed to get this off my chest", but an actual ask. What do you want from us?

If you're looking for a space to vent without direction, there's no shortage of those spaces, and we all know where that tends to lead. People getting angrier, more stuck, more convinced nothing can change. That's not what this sub is for. What makes this community different is the expectation that we're here to actually move forward. If we drop that, we're just another venting space.

If you have a problem, the most useful thing you can do is communicate it clearly.....say what's bothering you, and say what you actually want help with. That's really the whole thing.

Telling us how you feel gives us nothing to work with. Telling us what you want gives us something.

I need help with a issue im dealing with.

I was talking with a coworker and he started talking about his wild party guy time from a few years back.

During this time he did a lot of drinking and hooking up at clubs, the problem is some of these women were married, when he learned about this he asked them why they cheated and many of them said they just wanted to do it and even enjoyed cheating on their husband's.

I've tried to not let this get to me but this has ruined my confidence when it comes to getting out there and dating women.

I have a fear of getting cheated on and other insecurities as my post history may suggest.

Is this really a thing amongst women in relationships where they just cheat?

Im willing to try to do better.

I need help with talking to this girl.

I've tried texting a couple girls on Insta and this one taxted me back, I asked her if she wanted to get to know eachother and she said that she was being busy with exams and doesn't have time for meeting someone, I responded with a joke like "don't worry I won't be the subject of the exam" and that she can respond whenever she wants, she laughed and agreed to continue talking. We were talking for a couple days, It has been really hard to find something to talk about, she responds sometimes after 10 minutes sometimes after 1/2 hours. She never starts a subject

(It's starting to look sad as I write it actually)

I don't know what I'm doing right but we are actually talking, she responds and she doesn't responds with "ok" and stuff like that, despite being terrible at keeping the conversation going

I'm willing to try some subjects, something that can make her more fond of me, I just need to keep this for maybe a month when she doesn't have exams anymore and maybe I can gather the courage to ask her out, She lives far but not THAT far