They told me I'd need to update her address to show she didn't live with me anymore (???)
didn't have her address, so I just looked up the address of a local cemetery, since she's dead to me.
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!
This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said. "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"
She said. "I love it but I have to stop eating it."
"Why?" He asked.
She pointed to her lap and said. "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see." He said.
"Okay." And she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said. "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter.
He said to the little girl. "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"
She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her.
She said. "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the NECK and GIBLETS!"
Alien is sitting at a bar and a guy sits next to him. Alien is drinking shots guy gets a beer. Alien pokes the dude. Dude looks at him but doesn't say anything. Well alien pokes him again and he's says alien what's your problem. alien doesn't say anything at all. Well the alien sat there for a second and then poked then dude again. And the guy said listen if you poke me again I'm going to take my knife and I'm going to cut your dick off. Well the alien was perplexed but sat there for a second and then poked him the last time. The guy in a fit of pulled out is nice grab the alien and pull down the aliens pants. Bewildered the man looked at the alien and said you don't have a penis how do you have sex? The alien looked down at him and poked him.
A little boy about 12 years old walked down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a House of ill repute and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in,
she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any venereal diseases?" Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the cynical Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed amphibian behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, “Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys.
She will then get the dose that I just caught". "When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the dose.
Then when dad gets home from the baby sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it". “In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the clap, and...
HE'S the b**tard who ran over my FROG!"