r/MoneyDiariesACTIVE

Does having more money, or spending more money, improve your chances of finding love compared to using dating apps?

I found this article fascinating for how it portrayed these high-income daters. One, they're approaching matchmaking services with the same mindset they have on apps, i.e. something better is always around the corner. Two, the way they go about expressing their preferences feels a bit like ordering a customized Chipotle bowl as opposed to dating. Instead of dealing with a real imperfect human being who might not have every trait you're looking for, you have a laundry list of demands that some matchmaker has to find a human to fit because you paid a lot for this service. Just wild.

Hi MD, I always love getting insight and advice from you all. I have the opportunity to go back to school to get my masters. I am currently working in PropTech and work remote which has given me a ton of flexibility and a healthy work/life balance. I don’t hate my job, but I do not imagine a life where this is what I do for the rest of my life either. I want to pivot to something I’m super passionate about and get my MA In Library & Information Science. The school I’m looking at would cost $30k for my degree and I’d be able to pay as I go and not take any student loans out thanks to my husband’s job and his current salary. The only thing that’s really stopping me and making my husband and I hesitate is the fact that I would probably never make as much or significantly more than what I’m making now. Financially we’re in a good spot now and maxing out our 401ks and saving money for a down payment on a house. Long story short - Is it worthwhile to pivot when money isn’t an issue to a career that will bring me more fulfillment in my life?

My boyfriend and I are living as tenants and split all our rent and shared bills. I make more money, so sometimes I pay a little more. We are going to move out of our apartment and into his mom’s vacant house. We will pay rent to her as tenants. This will make the mortgage payments so his mom can keep funding her stay in an assisted living facility with her own income, as she needs professional care we cannot provide. When she passes away, my boyfriend will inherit the house. If we are together, we will still be paying together. If we get married, it will become a premarital asset. Either way, I will be contributing my own money to help pay off the house.

Right now I recognize that we are only tenants, but what should I be doing proactively now, and what should I look into for the future when it comes to deciding what to pay and what not to pay into when the time comes, how to track it, and what kind of agreements to look into that would cover my own butt? I’m not looking for ways to become entitled to someone else’s things, I just want to be responsible for myself in case we do not stay together forever.

Hi! I wasn’t sure exactly how to title this, but basically I am pretty unhappy with my job. I really appreciate everything I read on this sub, so I hoped maybe I could find some good advice here? 

I am not a very career-motivated person, like I have no aspirations of climbing the ladder, I just want to be comfortable. My current position is in biomedical research and I have a higher level degree (not a doctorate, thankfully). Little to nothing in my job is rewarding to me, I don’t feel particularly good at it, and I worry a lot about chemical exposure, especially with recent health conditions I’ve had diagnosed.

SO I know I want out, but how? I have ideas for changes, but they require me going back to school, which I’m not opposed to but do not currently have the money for (working on my financial literacy after a long period of unmedicated ADHD, it’s a work in progress).

My big two are dental hygienist and vet tech. Dental hygiene would pay a lot better, I‘m not a huge fan of such a people-facing position but I figure people don’t really want to talk much at the dentist anyway, and I like that kind of hands-on detail work. I also like that I could go part time/per diem, as my big dream is to start a family in the next few years and I would want to maximize time with kids when they’re little especially (but SAHM is not an option for me and I don’t know that I’d take it even if it was).

Vet tech would pay less than that by a pretty decent amount, I love animals specifically exotics (bunnies, birds, hamsters especially, basically anything but cats and dogs. No offense they’re cool!) and so I think I would find it rewarding, but I’ve heard love of the animals is not enough to stave off burnout in that field. I’ve also read that veterinary jobs are more people-y than people would expect.

Then there’s also the option of figuring out something that uses my current degrees and just dealing with that, with the understanding that I’m just not the type for a job to bring me purpose/joy/fulfillment (which is the case with the big two as well I know!). But I’m not even sure where to start with that. I primarily have hands-on benchwork experience and right now the field seems pretty dry with job opportunities (but maybe that’s all fields currently, it’s rough out here). 

I’ve thought about bioinformatics, but the barrier to entry has gotten a lot higher with that in recent years from what I understand. I’m also hesitant to continue in science because I feel like there’s this culture of…needing to love what you do? Not be in it for the money, but for the love of scientific progress and knowledge? But I work because I need the money, if I could be independently and mysteriously wealthy I’d choose that!

Idk, I guess I’m wondering if anyone who has successfully done career changes/pivots in recent years, especially in fields relevant to the above, has any advice? Do you recommend talking to some kind of career coach? My therapist is not great currently, I’m still working on what to do about that so she’s not a great option. My grad school has a career center for alumni, but the coaches listed are kind of expensive and I’m a little worried they’re going to be very “find your dream job!”.

Thank you if you read all this ☺️

Hi friends!

Not ENTIRELY sure where to start.
I am wanting to buy a small piece of land in Michigan.
Long story short, my mom had a big history project and found that our ancestors essentially owned and settled much of one of the counties there.

I am wanting to buy a small sliver of land and create some kind of park in the next couple years.
I know there is gonna be a learning curve to it.
It can't be a commercial property, it needs to be zoned properly, ect.

I also know that I might need to put boots on the ground to find the RIGHT property.

Also would need to reach out to some groups that could help maintain the area since I live out of state (4H, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, VFW, ect)

I do not expect this to happen overnight. But I am really excited about this passion project of mine.
Any tips? Tricks? Podcasts?

I already have a map of the area. I already know what I am looking for in general, and some of the spots that I see I could actually pay for in cash.

Thank you!

Welcome back to the “Workplace Wednesday” thread!

If you’re seeking advice from the sub regarding your specific situation, whether it’s about interviewing/benefits/negotiating/advancement opportunities, etc., it belongs here.

Bring us your burning questions!

So I unexpectedly received a $2 million trust from relatives. It's already taxed money, growing every year, and I have full access to take as much or as little of the money whenever I want. Additionally, I have about $250k in investments of my own, but that feels like small potatoes now. Obviously it is a life changing sum of money, and I'm unsure how to make the most of my life given what I have now.

Professionally: I entered a creative job field about a decade ago that's rapidly collapsed in the past few years. I worked within the film industry, it was a dream/passion career, but have been through two layoffs in the past few years, and am currently doing a job that's semi in the field, but not quite what I want to be doing. The money's fine, the job is low stress and flexible. It feels like it's sort of an impossible job market there right now, but I'm not sure what else to do. I'm a bit stuck. I could keep at it, knowing I have the money, or try something else entirely, though I'm not sure what. Maybe use it to go back to school?

Personally, I live in a rented apartment. I like where I live. My city's okay, but I really like the friends I've made there. I'm a single woman. I don't have kids. So really, I only have to support myself, and don't have anyone else to consult about where I do. Would love a partner and family some day, but hasn't happened yet.

I don't know what's the balance of completely ignoring the money, and being grateful it's there, and using it when I'm older. Or using some of it now, improving or changing my life. I feel daunted trying to narrow down how to do so. I could travel for a year. I could go back to school. I could buy a condo. There are many possibilities. Additionally, my parents received money as well, and have let me know that eventually, hopefully one day far in the future, I will receive a substantial inheritance from them. I'm not relying on it. At all. But it will conservatively be around $3-5 million dollars, and very possibly more.

I've always been pretty responsible with money, and don't anticipate blowing through it, buying $200,000 cars or w/e. I also am not telling anyone about the money.

So, I'm just trying to wrap my head around things. It feels like I've been running on a hamster wheel all these years, and now the thing is running itself, and I'm not really sure what to do. Obviously grateful to be in this position, but overwhelmed about how to make the best of it, from continuing on as normal, to totally blowing up my life. I don't know if anyone's been in a similar position or has any advice on how to handle it?

I'm working on doing an unemployed diary....

Curious what others would like to see/read/hear?

Obviously, the spending and bills will look different. But wondering if there's anything else to make sure to include.

Does anyone listen to Smart Money? I recently started in the last few months and really enjoy the hosts.

That being said, they had a listener on a few days ago who is a female who likely needs to go back to full time work at 69 because she only has $200k invested. It was such a sad listen for me because at the end it became clear she was in this situation after a divorce and had been expecting to live off her then husband’s pension. She definitely expressed a lot of regret about not saving herself or having a prenup in place to protect her. A good cautionary listen but also made me so sad for her. I can link it if that’s allowed, but the episode starts with “Going back to work later in life…”

I do not like cooking, but I dislike spending money on food even more. I'm actually really proud of how little I spend on food. Even though I can have a hectic work schedule, I rarely buy lunch/dinner at work. As such, I'm a big fan of meals that are very easy to make at home.

Here are a few of mine, and I'd love to know yours as well! I've organized mine from most effort to least effort required.

Requires real cooking but is very easy:

Chinese stir-fry tomatoes and scrambled eggs (西红柿炒鸡蛋): All in one pan, I stir-fry onions, then stir-fry tomatoes, then scramble the eggs at the end. Eat with rice. I think you're "supposed to" half-cook the eggs first, then do the tomatoes, then finish scrambling the eggs with the cooked tomatoes. That's too much effort for me lol, but I've always felt like my method is perfectly fine.

There are a million recipes/tutorials out there because this is a classic Chinese dish, but you can use any combo of soy sauce, oyster sauce, cooking wine, etc. that your heart desires.

Requires assembly but no cooking:

Tinned fish and no-prep vegetable: I often do this when I need to pack my lunch for work but don't have any leftovers (or time to make anything). I usually at least have leftover rice in my fridge, so I pack rice, tinned sardines, and some sort of vegetable that doesn't require any prep, like kimchi (which I eat with the rice/fish) or baby carrots and dressing/dip (which I eat separately). Sesame seeds and some sort of sauce like Sriracha can help it feel like more of a "real" meal.

No cooking and no assembly:

I always keep a stash of microwavable meals for the days I'm really in the trenches. I stock up when there's a sale. Lean Cuisine-type of meals are generally not filling enough for an entire meal, so I also pack Greek yogurt and a fruit.

I am going into my last year(s) of graduate school and struggling to figure out what I want to prioritize since positions in academia require specific trade-offs. I come from a first-gen background and went to graduate school straight out of undergrad thinking the job market uncertainty would feel less daunting when I got to that stage of my career. Now, I think I want to prioritize financial stability, and a non-academic track might actually be able to give me this, but I'm wondering-- how do other people make these decisions when picking where they want their career to go?

• Post-doc/academic track:
  • Pros: continue building resume for professor position
  • Cons: will need to move for 1-2 years, may need to do two post-docs and then move twice before landing a permanent position
• Non-academic track:
  • Pros: can pick where I live and search for PhD-level research analyst roles; may be able to have a higher salary than a postdoc (50-60k) or assistant professor (70k-100k depending on location)
  • Cons: not my original dream when I started graduate school, and I feel I could have been done after my master's and done this track way earlier (sort of a sunk-cost feeling)
• Stay in graduate school until I land an assistant professor job: my field is very competitive, so this may require 1-2 more years of graduate school while I see if any of the papers from my dissertation land (and my current stipend is around 40k)
  • Pros**:** I can save on moving costs, my partner's family lives where I live, and I value being able to live near family. I love research, I like teaching, and I believe I could thrive as a research university if I got a professor job.
  • Cons: even if I land a job as a professor, I may not have many choices on where I live + the salary

Welcome back to "Off-Topic Tuesday", followed by "Workplace Wednesday" tomorrow!

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I left a job that I felt like I wasn’t being treated well. Applied to a new job where I will making in the 11x*,000 with bonus I’ll be making 13*x,000.

I thought I’d be happy turning 30 this year and making this much but I’m so nervous. What if leaving my job was a mistake? What if I start work and they find out a fraud? Not like a fraud fraud but what if they realize I’m not great? Idk where all of these anxieties come from.

I am terrified that I might not be enough and this will be a fluke. I have debt! Like 25k for a car, 30k for student loans, 2k un credit card. I am just so nervous leaving a job even though I was unhappy, to a new job that seems so much better might be me messing up. I’m going to a safer industry, but still I am nervous.

I have so many doubts, but I can’t talk to anyone about it because I make the most in my family, I make more than my husband. I don’t have a lot of people to talk to about this stuff because I grew up poor, leaving a company because I’m not happy sounds stupid to my parents.

I feel like I’m usually the put together one.

I got a promotion into a newly created role that is multiple levels above where I was. I’m now managing three people that were previously my peers who are doing the same job I was just doing, but as part of me now managing them I am aware of their salaries and they only make $7k less than I do yet I’m two levels above. I think they’re very deserving, but I feel like it’s a bit unfair that I’m now in a role with much more responsibility and direct reports and yet we make such similar salaries.

Is there any way to broach this with my manager or is this something I’m just stuck with at this point?

My fiancé and I are both 31 and have been together for around 8 years, since we were 23. We're now planning to get married, and we've discovered that we have quite different views about financial transparency within a marriage.

We are both lawyers and we both earn quite good money luckily and earn practically the same amount. I've been open with him about my salary, savings and debts. He has been open about his salary, but he doesn't want to disclose how much he has in savings. His position is that he never asked me to tell him how much I had saved, so my choosing to disclose that doesn't mean he should have to do the same.

He doesn't intend to disclose his savings after we're married either. He sees this as maintaining financial autonomy and believes that a married couple can still be a team without knowing everything about each other's individual finances.

I see it differently. I don't believe marriage means we need to combine every penny or have control over each other's individual money, but I do think being a financial team means having transparency about things like income, savings, debts and major financial commitments. For me, knowing something isn't the same as having control over it.

There is another important part of this situation that affects how I feel about financial security.

By marrying my fiancé, I am going against my family's wishes. My family have told me that if I marry him, they will disown me. This means that marriage potentially involves me losing the family support/safety net I would otherwise have had.

I'm making that choice because I want to marry him, but it also means that financial security within my marriage is particularly important to me. I've tried to explain to him that I'm not asking to control his money or take ownership of his assets. I'm asking for transparency partly because I'm entering a marriage knowing that I may no longer have my family to fall back on if something goes wrong.

For me, there's also an emotional element of trust. I want to feel that my husband trusts me enough to be open with me about his financial position. I don't believe knowing how much he has saved gives me any right to that money, just as telling him my savings doesn't mean he controls mine.

There's also an apartment involved, which is where this disagreement has become more obvious.

He bought an apartment around a year ago. He has been very clear that financially the apartment is his and that my contributions towards living there don't give me any ownership/equity in it. I currently pay him £350 per month and will have paid this for around four years in total after another three years.

We split normal household bills and groceries 50/50. He pays the service charge himself, which is around £1,500 per year, and ground rent of roughly £60 per year.

I asked him what his monthly mortgage payment is. He doesn't want to tell me because he considers that information part of his financial autonomy and doesn't think I need to know it. He has said that I know roughly how much the apartment cost and approximately how long the mortgage is, so if I really want to know, I can reverse-engineer the mortgage payment myself.

I eventually did that and estimate that his mortgage is around £850 per month.

What I find difficult is that he is okay with me having enough information to work it out, but doesn't believe he should have to actually tell me the figure.

From my perspective, I'm not asking to control his mortgage, decide what he does with the apartment, or gain ownership of it simply because I know the numbers. I'm also not saying his savings should become mine.

For me, it's about being able to say, "We're getting married, so we're both comfortable being transparent with each other about our overall financial positions."

From his perspective, I think he feels that being married shouldn't remove his right to financial privacy and autonomy. He doesn't think spouses need to know everything about each other's finances in order to be a team, and he sees my wanting this information as potentially crossing into control.

The fact that I may lose my family support when I marry him makes this harder for me. I'm effectively choosing my marriage knowing that one of my existing safety nets may disappear. Because of that, I need to feel financially secure in the partnership I'm entering and to feel that the person I'm marrying trusts me.

At the same time, I don't want to use my family situation as an argument that I'm therefore entitled to his savings or his apartment. I'm trying to work out what is a reasonable expectation of transparency from someone you're about to marry.

I genuinely want perspectives from both sides rather than just validation that I'm right.

Is it reasonable for one spouse to permanently keep the amount they have in savings private from the other?

Is it reasonable not to disclose the mortgage payment on a property when your partner contributes towards living there, even if the property remains entirely yours?

And does the fact that one partner is giving up their existing family safety net to enter the marriage change what you would consider reasonable in terms of financial transparency and security?

Where do you draw the line between financial autonomy/privacy, trust and financial transparency in a marriage?

Or would you just look for another job with higher income?

I quit my previous job a couple years ago after burn-out and had a hard time to find a new one once I started to look for it. I finally had 2 offers and went with the most boring one with a lot of perks. But not possibility to get a promotion or even a better salary. I know I am too senior for my position but I needed some security and peace of mind when I signed.

Now a year later, I am way too good at my job that I am not compensate enough for. But I am mentally bored. I have a lot of interest in a lot of different topics (finance, marketing, content strategy) but I don’t know if I should find a better paying job more aligned with my background (with the risk of leaving a peaceful job and burning out again) or if I should start some freelancing just to earn more money… but it seems like freelancing is a lot of work (I’ve always been an employee). I am a hard worker but I know that I have a hard time to set boundaries. But I am also tired of not being compensated as I should with my expertise and my resume.

What would you do? For context I don’t have children and they are not in the near future for me so I don’t have to think about this responsibility.