r/OffMyChestMY

I’m sorry for breaking up with you. I’m sorry that I did it so suddenly, without giving you the explanation, honesty, or respect you deserved. I’m sorry I broke up with you. Twice.

I’ve had so much time to sit with what I did, and what I regret most isn’t simply that I left. It’s that I became someone who hurt you. Someone who was loved by you so deeply, and somehow became the person who caused you pain despite loving you so much too.

That is something I don’t think I’ll ever stop carrying with me.

You loved me so selflessly. You put your ego aside and tried to reach me, tried to understand me, and tried to get me to talk to you. And instead of meeting you with that same vulnerability, I shut down inside myself. I couldn’t face what I was feeling, I couldn’t explain it, and I made a decision that affected both of us without giving you the honesty you deserved.

I was avoidant. I ran from something I didn’t know how to face, and in doing so, I hurt the person I loved.

You didn’t deserve that.

You didn’t deserve to be blindsided by someone you loved.

You didn’t deserve to be left wondering why, or wondering what you had done wrong.

You didn’t deserve to have someone you loved so much suddenly decide to leave without giving you the chance to understand what was happening.

And the hardest thing for me to accept is that I know how much you loved me.

I know you would have listened. I know you would have tried to understand. You had already put your pride aside and reached for me. You were willing to have the conversation I was too afraid to have.

And I still left.

I hurt you even though I loved you.

That is the part I regret the most.

Because I never want to make what we had sound like I left because I didn’t love you. I did. I loved you then. I love you now. My inability to handle my own emotions did not mean my love for you wasn’t real. But loving you didn’t stop me from hurting you, and I understand now that love by itself isn’t enough. You have to know how to communicate it. You have to know how to stay. You have to know how to be honest when things become difficult.

I didn’t know how to do those things then.

And you were the one who paid for that.

I’m so sorry.

I know saying this now cannot undo what I did. I can’t give you back the trust I broke or take away the hurt I caused you. I can’t change the fact that I was the person who made you feel that kind of pain.

I don’t expect you to forgive me. I don’t expect you to come back. I don’t expect my realization now to mean anything to you.

I just wish I had understood it sooner.

It’s been two years since I left, and somehow I’m still here, carrying the love I had for you then and the love I still have for you now. I have no right to ask anything from you. I have no right to expect you to still love me after what I did.

But I miss you.

And I love you.

And I think I always will.

I wish I could go back and be brave enough to tell you what was actually happening inside of me instead of making the choice I made. I wish I had trusted you enough to let you see the parts of me that were scared and confused instead of making you pay for them.

You loved me so much, and I am the person who hurt you.
I think that will always be one of the things I regret most in my life.

Not simply that I lost you, but that I hurt someone who loved me so deeply when I loved him just as deeply.
I’m truly, deeply sorry.

You deserved honesty. You deserved communication. You deserved to be treated with tenderness by the person you loved.

And I’m sorry that person was me, and I didn’t know how to give that to you then.

-E

It's sad to know you will always see me as the bad guy in your life..the one who ruined it right..the guy you wish you had never met..it's sad to know that you think I'm happy somehow..while I'm struggling to stay afloat, on the brink of collapse..there is nothing I can do anymore to prove who I am cause you've already made up your mind about who you think I am.. you've already decided.. trying to change your mind has only made things worse

I'm glad you found someone that makes you smile

I'm glad you found someone that sees the sadness in your eyes without you saying a word

I'm glad you found someone that keeps the voices away

I'm glad you found someone that you can be yourself around

I'm glad you found someone that doesn't make you question yourself

I'm glad you found someone that keeps you warm at night

I'm glad you found someone that hears your silence

I'm glad you found someone

It's not being childish to expect you to earn back what you freely threw away and expect you to be the one trying to put effort in an not hide behind the kids grown up a long time befor you trust me or id have been dead already thanks if you can't put fourth the effort then you can keep walking in that direction and show us that you made your decision because I'm done being disrespected and basically blamed for being lied to cheated on an games played as if I was responsible for your despicable actions an treatment of this you claim you love thanks if you love me an you want to be forgiven it's time you proved it after you proved their was no trouble acting like that because you didn't want to see my boundaries and then when I stood on them you called me a child now I really don't intend to make this easy

It’s been four days. You’ve read all my messages. Your phone hasn’t died once which means you’re comfy. So you’re just laid up over there chillin. And it began less than 24 hours after I went to stay somewhere else. Then I find his clothes in the dirty pile in the bathroom. So I was right that day when I got home from work and could smell him in my room.

I was so excited to finally be working again and you couldn’t even go to bed with me on my last night before my first day. Instead you stayed locked in the bathroom on Snapchat until 5am. Which reminds me of the second night, where you “lost track of time” and stayed over there “with Emily” until 5 am. All of this conveniently before I left for work. Then you’d pretend to be asleep and not text me for hours. All the while the internet logs show instagram and Snapchat pings non stop until I get off work. Then right when I walk in, you suddenly have to poop for two hours.

Honesty with someone with such a seasoned history as you do, you’re fucking slacking girl.

So whatever you gotta tell yourself to live with the guilt but I know you guys were fucking before I finally left. But knowing you didn’t even stay one night alone, I’ve taken the house back. Everyone is wondering where you are. You kids. Your grandma. You took nothing but my ketamine, the weed and the Bluetooth speaker. 😂 watch out for that UTI

Ps. 4:44

i loved you in the smallest ways. in the calls that lasted too long, in the nights I fell asleep knowing you were still there, in the shows we watched until they became yours even when you weren’t beside me. i loved you in your ordinary days the tired ones, the quiet ones, the days when you didn’t feel like yourself. for three years, you were more than someone i loved. you were home. and maybe that’s why i held on so tightly when home started feeling a little farther away.
you said you needed space. you said you wanted to find yourself. and i tried to understand while a part of me was screaming, please don’t forget to find your way back to me. i wanted reassurance. you wanted room to breathe. i reached for you. you pulled away. and somewhere between the things i needed and the things you couldn’t give, we stopped being us against the problem and became you against me, me against you, both of us forgetting that neither of us was supposed to be the enemy. i don’t think you stopped loving me all at once. i think sometimes love gets quieter before you realize it’s leaving. and i think that’s what hurts most. because i know you loved me. i know i loved you. and somehow those two things weren’t enough. you told me you were numb. you told me you didn’t know
how to fix it. and i heard you, even when every part of me wanted to say, i’ll wait. i’ll try harder. i’ll love you enough for both of us. but i finally learned that i can’t carry a relationship for two people. so here i am,
three years of memories in a life that suddenly has an empty space in it. i still hear you in songs you used to play. i still see you in the things we made routine. sometimes i even dream that you came back and everything is easy again. in those dreams, there is no distance. no numbness.
no breakup. just us. and waking up is its own kind of heartbreak. but i don’t want to remember us only for how we ended.
because before the ending, there was laughter. there was comfort. there were nights i felt completely loved. there was a boy who knew things about me i thought id never tell anyone. there was a girl who believed in him even when he couldn’t believe in himself. there was an entire life
we thought we’d have. and maybe that’s what grief is: not just missing a person,
but mourning the future you thought you were going to live together. i don’t know
if our story ends here. maybe someday our paths find each other again. maybe they don’t. but i hope wherever life takes you, you become the person you always wanted to be. and i hope i become someone who no longer has to beg to feel chosen. because i will always love the version of us that existed. but i am learning that loving what we were doesn’t mean i have to keep waiting for what we could have been. you were my home for three years. and now, I’m learning how to come home to myself.

You both are accountable for what you did to one another. The question is can both of you be emotionally mature to have a hard conversation and apologize with pure intentions?

What I came to know was that the behavior I myself tolerated and accepted, changed and closed my heart to the way that I see you. I am truly not in the same place you left me nor am I the same person. I've heard your personal always wants to come back or comes back after the streets have used them up.

For me personally......personally it's too late. I gave you chance after chance to save what we built. Now I don't even know what or even need to say anything. To be really honest if I could ....even see you now I would acting like you don't exist as a person to me. I would walk by you like your a stranger. You played a game and lost me forever.

Some people need and want closure but honestly, my closure came with the disrespect that you kept giving and that is what I remember about you.(Might be different for others)

Don't care about that nor do I see it happening. All I know is you don't repeat the same lesson.

I have endured stuff that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but then I also look at it as your person was never your person and I think anybody reading this knows that but some of you still question-Where did we go wrong? What the hell happened? What did I do. Did they not Love me??

I am a true believer. Your person shows up no matter what they ran from. ( It can get scary)
Instead of holding that hard conversation and fighting for what they asked the universe for..

Things would be different. You wouldn't be questioning yourself having doubt or wondering if you ever mattered.

I've heard go no contact. I have... to where there is no access to me ever unless I want it. Truth be told I do ...but truth be told I love myself more and I can finally recognize and see that.

Accepting what my peace looks and feels like than the chaos uncertainty and expectations my love created

Ich wollte es einfach mal erzählen. Ich habe niemanden zum reden also vielleicht gibt es hier Leute die meine Erfahrung gerne hören wollen.

Es geht wie im Titel um eine Halluzination. Es began mit etwa 4 Jahren. Mein Vater war sehr gewalttätig. Schläge, Mord Drohungen, emotionaler in3st und alles mögliche war typisch für ihn. Mein Vater hat schizophrenia und ist ein sehr starker Trinker.

Meine Mutter und er sind getrennt, dass wird wichtig für gleich. Ich lebe bei meiner Mutter und besuchte meinen Vater immer jedes Wochenende oder in den Ferien. Mein großer Bruder lebte bei ihm.

Eines Tages besuchte mein Bruder mich und ich nannte mein Stiefvater:"Dad". Ich tat es aus angst. Er wat ebenfalls gewalttätig aber seinen Kindern über nett. Ich dachte wenn er mein Vater wird, würde er auch nett mir gegenüber werden. Mein Bruder war außersich vor Wut und sagte es unserem Vater. Er reagierte natürlich wütend.

Er fragte mich zuerst aus, dann kam das Alkohol und dann die Konsequenzen für mein Fehler. Mein Rücken tut bis heute weh. Der Schmerz ist chronisch. Er wurde in seiner ersten Ehe betrogen daher dachte er ich sei nicht sein Kind.

Er bestraft mich danach zusätzlich mit Gewalt-Videos bzw gore. Ich habe einige Bilder immernoch im kopf. Aber eines ist mir ganz besonders im Kopf geblieben. Es war eine Aufnahme, ein Jungen wurde mit dem Eislöffel die Augen entfernt. Ich geh in keine Details ein bezüglich des Videos aber ich weiß dass ich absolut verstört war und Tagelang nicht schlafen konnte.

Die paranoia dass mich karma trifft und mir sowas ähnliches passiert folgt mir ständig. Es ist bis heute ein großes Problem für mich.

Damals war es aber schlimmer. Insbesondere in der 1sten Klasse. Es war ein Kälter,dunkler Wintermorgen. Ich saß bereits mit Jacke und Schultasche im Wohnzimmer auf der Couch. Die Uhr machte ein tackvolles ticken. Es war das einzige was meine Einsamkeit füllte. Ich bemerkte plötzlich am Augenwinkel eine Figur. Ich schaute erschrocken hin und sah ihn, den Jungen! Es macht mir bis heute angst. Nicht weil er Angst einflößend war- im Gegenteil er war super friedlich und machte mir an such keine Angst. Was mir angst machte war das Gefühl due nächste zu sein. Ich sah ihn tagelang bis Wochen. Ich fühlte mich weniger einsam. Aber eines Tages verschwand er.

Es klingt komisch aber ich vermisse ihn. Er wirkte auf mich wie ein Teil von mir. Als hätte uns dasselbe Leben erwartet. Ich weiß nicht ob es Sinn macht. Aber ich will ihn wiedersehen.

I wrote this two days ago... that was when I knew it was the end of us. I'm not looking for help or judgement, I just wanted to share and write my emotions somewhere... In a place where some might feel the same way, maybe… or maybe not…

Today, i've felt the loneliest i could ever feel in my life, I never knew we could feel this way, but i guess  that's what happen when your whole universe turns around one person, and one person only. This is what happen when this person decide to leave you without telling you that it was the end.

The colors in the book you drew together faded, the loud love songs you made together turned down, the basket full of words, attention and love you shared just emptied. That's how I felt when I knew, this is where our story ends...

Today I'm sad, … Wanting to cry and not being able to is a type of pain I never knew existed. My chest hurts, my heart feels heavy, … My mind feels lost and broken… I’m just tired, and so sad… I feel the need to cry, I feel the tears behind my eyes, asking to be freed, but just can't yet let it go… I feel  like a broken music box. The music isn't playing anymore, the small dancer is still there, but just standing, unable to move, stuck into its own body… And in my case, mind.  

I know one day it will pass, but for now, I just feel like my whole world shattered. Everything I know and feel are all over the place, my mind lost the plot at some point. But I know deep inside me that it is the end of us. I saw the glimmer in your eyes that was saying you wanted to leave, just like sombr wrote in his own story haha. And I will probably end up seeing the eyes I fell for into the children you will have with another woman. 

We used to fight over who loved the other the most, and today, I think I won…  I never knew this victory would be the most painful experience of my life. I love you, and I will continue loving you for a long time. It's just painful to know I'm the only one left in this story we started together. 

Now I must be honest, you are the love of my life, the one i wrote my story with, i’m just not the one you wrote your real story with… You used to say I was yours everyday, and I was genuinely yours,... But you were never entirely mine, even if you used to say you were and I tried my hardest to believe you were. You were not. You are not, and you never will...

This is where my chapter ends. I don't know when I will write again, but I will. 

The end of us starts now…

What I’ve learned recently is that love is quiet and obscure. It rarely arrives looking like love—it isn’t loud, it isn’t familiar, and it’s almost never obvious. Sometimes, you’re already drowning in it before you even realize you’ve stepped into the water.

Love doesn’t obey rules. But then again, what are rules anyway? Love isn’t neat or typical. That’s what these past three years have taught me.

There’s this guy at work. Three years in the same office, three years of him. On my very first week, I looked at him, smirked, and joked, “Crush mo ’ko, ’no?” (You have a crush on me, don't you?) I’m a bit crazy, I know.

And just like that, we became a package deal.

Every break time, we were together. Wherever I went, he was right there behind me. Everyday, he’d wander over to my desk just to kill time—or maybe, just maybe, because he wanted to see me. Whenever one of us was spotted alone, people would tease, “Asan na asawa mo?” (Where's your spouse?) We were this unspoken, unofficial pair that everyone just accepted. Every time they teased us, we’d just look at each other and laugh it off.

But here’s the catch. He’s married, with a young kid.

So I kept my distance. I kept him strictly in the box of a close coworker, maybe a very close friend. Because I knew—I knew—that’s the only place we could ever safely exist. Maybe I’m a romantic deep down, but above all else, I am a realist.

Days bled into months, and months turned into years. Still just friends. He’d tag along every time I went down for a quick smoke break. We’d laugh at the stupidest things, whisper about office drama, and share whatever random snacks I brought from home. If I asked him for a favor, he’d do it without a second thought—loyal, gentle, and eager, like a golden retriever I somehow managed to tame.

Then, the cracks in his life started to show. Things with his wife grew shaky, until they eventually separated. But legally? They’re still bound.

He never directly told me at first, but the subtle hints were there, heavy in the air. Being as intuitive as I am, I caught every single one. Yet, even as his world was falling apart, my mind stayed resolute: Even if they aren’t together anymore, there is no “us.” There never will be.

So I played it cool. I acted normal. No pushing, no reaching, no asking for more. Just ordinary days passing by.

Until the day we finally broke. We had a fight—an ugly one. He said things that hurt, and I made sure to throw my own sharp words right back.

Silence followed for days.

When we’d cross paths in the hallway, one of us would take a sudden detour or stare intently at the floor, pretending the other didn’t exist. People started asking why the inseparable pair was suddenly walking alone. We ate lunch at different tables, with different crowds. I’ll admit it—I can be cold. I held onto my pride. But mutual friends told me he was taking it hard. He was skipping meals. He stopped smiling when people greeted him. He buried himself in his work, using deadlines as a shield. And whenever my name came up? He’d just shrug and stare into space, as if he hadn't heard a word.

On a random, quiet night, my pride finally cracked. I let go of my ego, picked up my phone, and typed two simple words:

“Sorry na.” (I'm sorry)

The next morning, his reply came:

“I miss you.”

And slowly, painfully, the world tilted back on its axis. Things went back to the way they were.

...But what he doesn't know is that I’m resigning this month.

I’m packing up my life and moving to a different city.

So, to my... whatever you were. My favorite complication. My nameless totga in another universe.

Thank you for the three years.

Ingat ka palagi, bro
(Take care always, bro)