r/PersuasionExperts

so, my end goal is to leave one day. but i cant readily do that yet. so my plan is to use persuasion/deescalation/information gathering techniques to deescalate the situation while planning my exit in the background.

ive been studying techniques law enforcement uses for deescalation/negotiation/persuasion. i dont think what i have is a magic bullet that will fix everything. but i think it might help bring the conflict down a bit.

ill break down specific techniques i plan on using further down, but basically the plan is to build rapport with them. keep them talking about themselves. encouraging them to let their guard down and tell me things they wouldnt have shared if i had directly asked them.

mirroring:

i want to mirror their body language, and verbal communication back to them to build rapport with them and keep them talking.

empathic statements:

i want to use empathic statements to build rapport and keep them talking about themselves. an empathic statement is like if someone was venting to you, youd say it sounds like that feels x. let the silence sit and wait for them to fill it. theyll confirm whether you were right or not. and if you mislabel an emotion, theyre likely to correct you while appreciating the effort that you at least tried.

elicitation:

elicitation is how law enforcement gets people to confess or reveal sensitive information. the way i understand it is you make an incorrect assumption about something and people cant resist correcting you. i think this would be particularly useful with their enablers to know what kind of conversations the narcissist is running behind your back so you can plan around their smear campaigns.

reciprocity:

law enforcement uses reciprocation to encourage suspects to confess. the way i understand it is giving someone something small encourages them to give you something of equal or greater value back. i read a story where an interrogator gave a suspect a cup of coffee and the suspect basically said why would you treat me with respect after what i did? and they got their confession. im detecting a bit of guilt in their words. basically its giving someone a stick of gum before making an ask. i dont plan on using reciprocity for asks. im going to use it to elicit that feeling of why would you treat me with respect after what i did. guilt tripping them without words.

i plan on using these techniques when theyre being civil for 5 seconds, and exiting entirely when conflict arises and they try pulling me into circular arguments that nobody wins and just serves to give the narcissist supply, all while planning a permanent exit behind the scenes. i want to know if anyone here thinks this plan sounds effective. im specifically wondering if anyone has issue with using any specific one of these techniques on a narcissist, and why.

also, im not really sure where to work it in on my post, but the point of keeping them talking about themselves is it builds rapport because everyone loves talking about themselves (especially narcissists), and they will also reveal information about themselves along the way, which might help me plan around their manipulations, but i feel like i might get more information from their enabler than them that would be iseful for that.

Don’t get fooled by simplicity. These techniques are really simple but are designed to help those who suffer from anxiety calm themselves down.

So they’re really powerful.

We can use them whenever we are stressed, when we are slipping into overthinking or daydreaming, and of course, when we are feeling anxious.

The 5–4–3–2–1 Grounding Technique

Start by looking around and naming five things you can see.

It could be people passing by, signs on walls, trees, and the sky. You know, whatever catches your eye. Observe these ordinary things as if you’ve never seen them before.

Next, touch four things near you — a phone, keys, clothes, or a plate.

Notice how it feels. Notice the weight.

Listen for three sounds. Your breathing. Voices in the distance. The hum of a room or birds outside.

Now, notice two smells — coffee, perfume, rain on concrete… paper or fabric, even the faint, sweet smell of toxic pollution.

Finally, focus on one taste — It could be something you’ve consumed like coffee, a meal, or a snack.

Why does it work?

When you force the brain to categorize all sorts of objects, it shifts the activity from the amygdala to the logical brain.

The 10-Second Breathing

When you notice yourself getting upset, Inhale slowly through your nose while counting to ten, then exhale just as slowly.

That’s it.

Repeat this process as often as needed till you feel better.

Why does it work?

When you get anxious, you're in a "fight or flight" mode. Your breathing becomes shallow, which sends the message that you are in physical danger.

But when you slowly inhale and exhale, it will stimulate the vagus nerve, which will command your heart rate to slow down.

Now, I’d recommend doing these exercises every day, especially when you’re calm.

That way, when you're upset, you'll be able to quickly do the exercises and feel better.

The smarter you are, the more you tend to overestimate how much the average person knows.

Hint: Very little.

I mean, things make a lot of sense in your head, but when you try to explain it to others, they'll just nod politely. But it’s clear to you that they aren’t getting a damn thing you’re saying.

Worse yet, smart people tend to have a nasty habit of becoming cynical and arrogant, which is an instant turn-off.

So here we will talk about being able to connect with anyone in any situation.

This is a rare skill that con men, social engineers, and politicians have mastered, but it's also possible for us to develop it.

The Subconscious Test

Every time you meet someone, their brain is instantly trying to answer the question:

“Are you one of us?”

If their instincts say no, they’ll pull away.

If it says yes, they’ll drop their guard and become more likely to have a conversation with you or help you.

Don’t believe me? Look at this classic experiment.

You have this guy who’s dressed badly, lying on the ground, and pleading for help.

He's on a busy street; you can see many people walking near him.

Strangely, it took over 20 minutes for someone to stop and help him.

In the second scenario, you have the same guy, in the same spot, but this time, he’s dressed as a businessman.

How did those bystanders react?

He didn't even have time to plead for help, because in less than six seconds, those bystanders turned into good Samaritans.

So people are more likely to trust you or help you when they feel that you're similar to them.

Now, to make it even clearer, people have 3 huge concerns, and as long as you address them, they will be more open to connecting with you.

Fear #1: Who is this person?

As we just said, before you say a word, they’re sizing you up.

Your parents told you to never judge a book by its cover, but they did, and we do, so it’s crucial that you take great care of your appearance and body language.

Dress well. Get a nice haircut. Go to the gym. Make sure that your clothes are squeaky clean.

When you approach them, make sure you don’t get too close too quickly.

Try to maintain relaxed eye contact. Don’t give that narrow, evaluative gaze.

And use a soft, disarming tone of voice.

These simple tricks are especially useful when you're approaching strangers on the street, at a bar, or in the waiting line, because that’s where people feel exposed. They feel vulnerable, so their guards are up.

So the way we alleviate this fear is simple: Don’t come off like a creep.

Fear #2 and #3: What does this person want and How long will this take?

The last thing we all want is getting stuck in a long, annoying conversation with a stranger.

That’s why when you are talking to strangers, you ALWAYS need to include a time constraint.

For example, "Hey, I just noticed you're reading that book. I've been meaning to check it out. Is it worth it?"

Then follow up with something about them:

"Interesting, what kind of books do you usually read?"

While you're talking, give them space, uncross your arms, and angle your body slightly like you’re about to leave.

This sends the message that the interaction won't take long.

The DISC Model

Since we will meet all sorts of people, we need a system that helps us quickly figure out their style and adapt to it.

If our appearance sends a subconscious message that we are part of their tribe, speaking in the same style as they do will reinforce the idea that we are just like them.

1. THE DOMINANT

These people maintain a confident body language and speak with certainty even when presenting new ideas.

They can quickly size up a situation and determine a course of action. That’s why you’ll often find them in managerial roles.

When you’re talking to them, and you go on and on with unnecessary details, they’ll probably be like, “Yeah, yeah, just get to the point.”

They might not be so direct out of politeness, but it’s easily noticeable on their face.

So if you want to connect with them, be direct and concise. And use phrases such as “Are you busy? Can I have a minute of your time? I have this idea that will be of great help to you. Do you have the time to listen to it?”

If you have this style, you must be careful because without realizing it, you might come across as intimidating or arrogant.

2. INFLUENCERS

They are full of excitement and life. They’re very comfortable around you and communicate as if they've known you for years.

You'll often find them in sales, marketing, teaching, public speaking, or entertainment.

To connect with them, let them talk freely and don’t judge them. I mean, you might find their expressiveness annoying or cringeworthy.

You know, I used to be a very reserved person myself, and I always struggled with these kinds of people.

Things started to change when I started working as a waiter after school.

The owner used to be a restaurant manager in Britain, so when he opened a bar here, he brought the same energy – a maniacal obsession with quick, quality service, coupled with extraversion towards customers.

This forced me to get out of my shell and start conversations with all sorts of customers.

Now, you don’t need to match the energy level of an influencer because it’s exhausting, but from time to time, be more expressive.

And when you’re discussing ideas, don’t get bogged down in the nitty-gritty details, but focus on the big picture.

If you have this style, then you risk appearing annoying or fake, so try to hold yourself back when you are speaking to people who are shy and reserved.

3. STEADY

Just like influencers, they are people-oriented, but they often work behind the scenes and prefer to support rather than to lead. They make you feel heard and cared for, which is why they often end up in roles like nurses, teachers, or counselors.

To connect with them, you need to listen attentively and show that you care about their feelings.

The downside of this style is that others may see you as passive, and your best ideas or suggestions might get overlooked.

That's why when you have to sell an idea, prime yourself by watching characters that are dominant or influencers. More on this later.

4. CONSCIENTIOUS

These people value precision and detail. Their body language is more reserved, and they prefer logic over hype.

You’ll often find them in research, engineering, accounting, or aviation - fields were utmost accuracy is critical.

To connect with them:

• Support your points with data and evidence.
• Avoid exaggeration or “salesy” language.
• Give them time to process before making decisions.

We all have a bit of each communication style in us.

But one style will always be more emphasized than the others.

Now you need to understand your default style so you can get a sense of how you are being perceived.

If you're Dominant and talking to someone Conscientious, you might feel frustrated that they’re moving too slowly. Meanwhile, they’ll be annoyed that you're rushing and possibly sacrificing accuracy or quality.

If you're an Influencer and speaking with a Steady type, you’re both people-focused, but you bring high energy, while they prefer calm and consistency.

In addition, we all have the capacity to adapt.

We just have to be mindful and look at it as a fun game.

Eventually, it will become instinctual. You will adapt to all sorts of people and won’t even think about what you’re doing.

Alright, by now, you can probably see the power of reading people and adapting to them, but it’s not always easy.

You will procrastinate; You will feel unmotivated or find certain conversations boring.

The problem is that those negative emotions affect your body language, which then affects how you’ll be perceived by others.

So how do you manage your emotional state?

Well, first of all, FOCUS IS EVERYTHING.

Make sure you’re fully paying attention to them, as it will help you notice certain mannerisms and word choices that will help you figure out their style. And since we are treating this as a game, you’ll be calmer and in control.

Next, think about how you'll present yourself.

If you're about to speak with someone Dominant, remind yourself to keep a confident body language and speak in clear, direct sentences.

For an influencer, remind yourself to loosen up your posture, smile more, and be more energetic.

Or if you have the time, you could watch some short clips of a character who embodies the style you're about to face.

This strategy is called PRIMING. You can watch movie scenes or celebrity interviews to help you emulate a particular style.

Now, if you want to take things to the next level, try using:

The Sense Memory technique

It’s the same approach that method actors use to make their performances more believable and powerful.

Here's how it works:

Think about an experience where you felt a strong emotion.

Try to vividly re-create that moment in your mind… the sights, sounds, smells, and even the physical sensations. Make it so real that your body starts to feel it again.

For example, to recreate confidence and decisiveness, remember a time when you faced a long-held fear or when you played a challenging game and won.

To recreate enthusiasm and optimism, remember the moment with your friends when you couldn't stop laughing, or the thrill of hearing "you've got the job", "we're going on vacation", "You got accepted"

To recreate warmth and empathy, think about a loved one who comforted you during a tough time. Or when your friend was telling you about something painful.

To recreate curiosity and respect, you can think about the time you were reading a book or watching a movie, and you faced a surprising twist. Or when you solved a complex problem or learned something really cool.

So, remembering those events can put you in a state where you’re feeling genuine emotions.

More Advanced Guides:

• This Radical Idea Will 10X Your Charisma
• People Are an OPEN Book (Once You Know This)
• Why This Skill Is More Valuable Than Ever in 2026

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i have been So heavily manipulated by this guy for so long, he assaulted me for 4 month. im like 99% sure he’s manipulating me again, if he was actually feeling this way he’d tell his mommy or his church

We all know that the modern elites are evil AF, but we must never underestimate them because they're smart.

They don't rely on terror like the dictatorships used to.

Unironically, they have used the quote of Dostoevsky as a strategy: 

>The best way to keep a prisoner from escaping is to make sure
he never knows he is in a prison

Regardless of where you live in the world, you are being robbed blind by corrupt governments or corporations. Yet, we are all too busy ranting, fighting each other over stupid sh*t, and struggling to keep up with the endless shows or videos.

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But there is something that the elites don't understand… something that even the dystopian writers like George Orwell or philosophers like Dostoevsky didn't anticipate... 

What happens when a group of people not only doesn't fall for the propaganda but weaponizes it? 

These are people who, for whatever reason [read a lot of books or had great teachers], instinctively know how to protect their minds.

They have this habit of looking beyond the news. If others are debating the topic, they are thinking: “Why this and why now? What are they hiding?”

They understand that propagandists are like prestidigitators… When they tell you to pay attention here, you should focus elsewhere.

This skill set has helped them develop a keen understanding of what’s really going on, which has made their life easier.

And this brings me to my discovery:

The system doesn’t break EVERYONE.

There's a small percentage of the population that is free.

Consciously or unconsciously, they have developed sharp instincts to recognize and weaponize propaganda.

But let’s get two things quickly out of the way:

First, whether you live in Iran, Russia, Europe, or America, YOU are facing a sophisticated propaganda machine. 

Each machine has its own specifics, but at the end of the day, the goal is the same… to exploit you.

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Second, no matter how wise you are; no matter how strong your critical thinking skills are; this environment is going to influence you. It is going to affect your worldview.

However, it’s vital to understand that there’s a big difference between being influenced and being a downright sheep.

Think about it this way: If you are a martial artist, you are going to train every day; You are going to get hit very often, but as long as there are no permanent damages, you have the capability to go on.

As long as there are no broken bones, then you simply get stronger. 

It’s the same with propaganda. As long as you don't let it change the essence of who you are, you get sharper. 

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Now, grasping what is actually going on has the major benefit of being free, but it also comes with carrying a heavy weight on your shoulders.

From time to time, you feel sad; you might even feel depressed, because even though you are surrounded by a lot of people, you feel alone… You feel misunderstood. And you don’t know who to trust because they seem to be living in a different reality. 

But gradually, you learn that you are not alone, that there are actually many other people who are free just like you.

Without knowing it, you have all learned by observing the dictatorship, or, if you live in the West, you’ve been learning from observing the corporations and the government.

Sun Tzu used to say:

>Know yourself and know your opponent, and you will always hold the advantage

Well, we know ourselves because we’re constantly striving to get better, and we know our enemy because we have survived the most sophisticated propaganda machine in history.

This worldview is not propagated in schools or in the media for obvious reasons… They don’t want people to complain when they get fucked by the system every single day.

And when it comes to the intellectuals, they often fall prey to cynicism and nihilism.

Many of them are not only useless but actually send the country backward because they drive the ordinary people into soul-crushing apathy. But we will talk about them another time.

So there’s a minority of people who fully understand the gravity of the situation and choose to fight to change it even though the odds are against them.

Even though they might fail, the struggle itself to become a better, stronger person makes life more interesting.

Learn More:

• The CIA Manual to Manipulate Anyone
• 1000 Hours of Psychology in One Article
• People Are an OPEN Book (Once You Know This)