Would love to hear stories of where people were at 6 months post psychosis or hospital. Just hit that mark and thought I was improving but now dealing with depression symptoms again. Thank you in advance
Forgive me if it doesn’t make sense, one of my main symptoms is formal thought disorder/disorganized speech.
I take lamotrigine for my bipolar episodes and it’s very effective, I take Wellbutrin for ADHD and lack of motivation/pleasure. I don’t take antipsychotics anymore, as it doesn’t change much and I don’t like the side effects.
I am considered to have continuous psychosis because I have persistent hallucinations, negative symptoms, and disorganized speech that is impairing and not part of a mood episode. Luckily, I no longer have delusions, as those are mostly associated with my mood episodes. Delusional ideation, kinda, but like in an OCD way if that makes sense.
It’s ruining my life. The hallucinations aren’t that bad but they put me on edge and worsen PTSD and OCD related symptoms. The disorganized speech and thinking makes it so hard to have a productive conversation, small talk is fine, but I can’t explain things unless you wanna sit there for 30 minutes while I pause to think of a word, or re-remember what I was thinking mid-sentence, or talk around what I’m trying to say and getting frustrated when I can’t and you don’t get it.
That part sucks because I think so many things! I’m smart, I know what I’m talking about I just… can’t. Plus, I’m back in in-person school, so I’m in Socratic discussions and answering questions all the time, and everyone looks at me like I’m awkward and stupid because I just cant figure out how to tell you what I mean in a way you’ll understand. And my partner always says that I make odd connections and therefore compare things and make analogies that don’t make sense to people unless I over-explain. Plus I just talk in metaphors all the time. I don’t know how not to.
And the negative symptoms. It waxes and wanes but it never leaves. I will never be the same person I was who was so passionate and active and social, etc. I never want to do anything, and it’s a feeling I just can’t get others to understand. Like I have friends with depression and their avolition is like, “I only want to sleep/watch tv/scroll on my phone.” But I don’t want to do anything, and that sounds impossible.
I do everything not to leave the house. I sit in front of my laptop sometimes just picking my face and staring in front of me. Sometimes I just lay in bed and do nothing. I don’t even think really. I don’t even sleep. I don’t want to.
And I grew up in an ADHD family/community, so they give me dopamine tips like, “you just need to get started, then you’ll want it” which is like actually true for people with ADHD and is used to treat sexual arousal dysfunction. But it doesn’t matter, because nothing is fun. I don’t even like weed anymore. I don’t like being out with my friends. Doomscrolling isn’t satisfying, it just keeps my attention and passes the time.
I’ve been skipping classes because I just don’t want to go and I don’t know how to make myself. I do my homework last minute with the least amount of effort and I’ve got mid term projects due and exams to study for and I just don’t. I just sit there and stare.
And you’d think that because it’s distressing and I have an extrinsic reason to do these things that I would but… I just can’t. I just don’t want to. I can’t even relate to depression or ADHD and use those coping skills and stuff. I have nothing for this. I have coping skills for everything except the “invisible psychosis.” I can’t explain it to anyone, my psych team doesn’t get it or focuses on “more important” things. I’ve looked up what works and there’s just nothing.
The Wellbutrin was supposed to help the negative symptoms, and it barely does that. And all the other meds recommended for disorganized speech and negative symptoms have a little warning that says “actually it has a higher chance of making it worse than better!” And every review is like “yeah it completely zapped my motivation and attention but at least I don’t have delusions.” Like why do I have to trade my symptoms, yk?
Anyway, this was my vent to the void. I just hope someone gets it.
Just remember you can try to seek help for your mental health and be prescribed a medication that you didn’t want because you wanted to try a medication from the same family of meds you had been taking, but the doctors know better, right? But it not only ends up making it worse by shutting neurotransmitters in your brain but also leads to your life be ruined in just 5 months and you’re fiancé leaving because all you could do is reference a memory of what you want and not say what you actually want(I wanted a hug and just kept saying I need you). This isn’t a reason to not seek help just be careful with the medication and who you keep in your company.
There’s probably more to the story than that but my head really hurts when I call back on those memories, they are also super fragmented. Apparently it’s referred to as a chemical lobotomy, which I don’t believe is an actual medical term but it’s pretty accurate at describing what happens with the bad side effects of the medication I was taking.
Hi, 21 year old here. I recently recovered from a bout of diagnosed psychosis and desire to work my way back into society. I have been consistent with therapy and taking my medication for the past three years. I came off of medication recently and want to apply to jobs. I tried working during my recovery phase and ended up failing and quiting.
I had problems of paranoia and anxiety. I was severely depressed during this time but am starting to feel better recently.
What should I know when seeking rest and when I do apply for jobs what should I do when I feel there's too much to handle?
So as someone who has experienced psychosis, I’ve had my share of really vivid delusions and hallucinations that at the time, are so traumatizing and feel so real. But then I get help and work through them with a therapist and I have to sit down and tell myself, none of it was real. It’s a really jarring experience because everything about them feels so convincing that they actually happened but eventually I do feel better about it because it didn’t actually happen. Like, I don’t have to focus my attention on this anymore because none of it was real.
Nobody was ever trying to kill me. The world didn’t end. I was never abducted by aliens. Demons weren’t possessing me. Those are all pretty extreme examples, but they were all things I really genuinely believed I was experiencing during the height of my psychosis. They were all really terrifying and traumatizing. And none of it was real.
I had a thought today. What if I could use this same method to convince myself that other negative memories I’ve held onto and let shape me also never happened?
For example, what if my childhood trauma was merely a delusion? What if I hallucinated my sister’s abusive father? What if he never existed?
What if the last relationship I was in which ended really badly and I was hung up and sad over this person for months was merely a delusion? Like what if I only went out with this person one time and had an incredibly vivid dream we were in a serious, long term relationship and it was so convincing I concocted a reality around it that never existed? What if I actually just barely knew the guy? (And I have had this delusion about a person I barely knew before. It was embarrassing but I fully believed I was married to someone I barely knew at one point.)
What if that job I hated and dreaded going to every day was simply a result of being in psychosis and not realizing it? Or what if this encounter I had with someone who made me feel so unsafe to the point of tears was merely a hallucination?
I just feel like, my experience with psychosis has been such a source of negative emotion and turmoil for me. But if we are truly the masters of our universe, if we are fully in control of our reality, who’s to say I can’t hack psychosis to my benefit? What if I truly can use it to my advantage by convincing myself these other negative experiences I’ve had also never existed? And then maybe like the other delusions I’ve had, they too will eventually just melt away and become little more than bad dreams.
Just a thought.
Hi, so recentley like about 3 weeks ago i got discharged from a mental health hospital, i was in a very bad psycotic episode, this was my second one at 22 and my first one i was 18. I was in there for 9 months which is crazy. But anyways, i wont say im really healed from it, im struggling a lot rn actually, its like im becoming someone i dont like. I react negativley to things a lot, im not completley blaming myself because i know ive been through a lot but yeah, still aware. Im very depressed, i have a lot of intrusive thoughts which usually happen after an episode and a traumatic time. Im really struging to be my nice bubbly self because its like i have a perception now of everything being negative, and sometimes i dont even trust my family. Ive been getting nightmares almost every night. And one question thats been on my mind is how do i stop my mental ilness from making me a moody, not nice person to be around? How do i recover from whats happened this year? My episode was very scary, like worst than the first, and then the hospital was very scary, a lot of bad things happened there that time and its scarred me, i really dont think that enviroment was good for me. I know i need to tell someone irl whats going on, but sometimes my mum just reacts bad to these things now even if shes suppoeted me all the way. Its like people dont know what to say and tbh neither do i. Please leave some advice if u have any
Thank you