r/Quakers

To be quick i am not currently a Quaker. Ot maybe I am. I think its fair to say im in a decaying orbit around the Friends and finding a lot of value in reading Quaker theology and history/commentary.

As ive tried to think on the testimonies and live then more in my life, ive encountered a problem i would like to ask some guidance.

In short, i am balding, and its bothering me a lot more than i expected it to. Its early, and i have a good head of hair, many treatments options that wouldnt be any kind of financial burden, and this is the first time ive ever consodered doing something whose only purpose is vanity. I dont want to be bald.

And its really troubling me, i feel like its a hard push against the way ive been moving re simplicity.

How do people feel about something like this? Is it against the simplicity and clarity you aspire too? (Btw im a dude, shaving my head would be a fine choice for me)

Thanks!

Hello, friends!

I spent most of my childhood (pre-k through 10th grade) in various Quaker schools in Pennsylvania. My parents didn't identify as Quakers (heck, many of my teachers didn't) but I was immersed in the culture. Naturally, I was brainwashed!!! and indoctrinated!!! into becoming a nice, kind, independent-minded adult who doesn't spend a lot of money on clothes. All well and good.

I've been wondering, though, about the relationship between all that good stuff and the parts of my personality I don't particularly like. I don't interrupt people, even in social settings where the norm is very clearly that you're supposed to interrupt people, so I end up saying much less than everyone else. I have a lot of trouble doing any kind of self-promotion. I'm cringing a bit just writing this post in the first person--I don't like taking up space.

It's belatedly occurring to me (I turned 40 last year) that maybe there are some common failure modes for people who got a Quaker education and then dropped the community cold turkey afterwards. Like, maybe I stayed long enough to learn how not to be a jerk, but not long enough to get the special bonus lessons on how to function in society without being a jerk?

To be clear, I'm not filing a bug report here. My problems are mine, they come primarily from me, and I don't even really consider myself wronged by this on net. I'm just sharing and asking if this resonates with anyone.

I recently mentioned to a group that I go to Quaker meetings. It was relevant to the conversation. I didn't elaborate much beyond saying it's been good to be around people with similar values and has meant a lot to me. I've been attending for about a year.

Someone followed up by saying they attended a few Quaker meetings but didn't feel welcome because of antisemitism. Another said something like "yes, that's a big problem for them." This is actually not the first time I've heard this. When I first started attending meetings, a good friend warned me about Quakers and sent me something about the paradox of tolerance and antisemitism. I continued going to meetings, and we eventually had a falling out after I shared an Instagram post about calling my senator regarding an arms embargo. She cited Quakers as having been too influential on my politics. These are all Americans I'm talking about.

I feel very bad that they've had experiences with Quakers that made them feel alienated, especially the woman who stopped going to meetings. It's just been odd how often it seems to come up when I mention being Quaker. I want to be a good ally to Jewish people, and I'm not sure how to respond when this comes up. I'm aware there is a big problem with antisemitism generally in the US.

When it has come up, I usually just let the conversation move on and don't say anything or say something like "I'm sorry you experienced that, that's concerning."

How would you respond to statements like this? I get very nervous, because I feel like they may be also judging me as someone who is potentially antisemitic and hostile. I'd also appreciate any articles you feel might be relevant about antisemitism relating to Quakers, for more context on what they could be referencing.

I know that Quakers generally reject religious symbolism, but are Quakers (particularly Liberal Quakers) likely to object to any form of bead prayer in meetings or even just knowing that I do it? I was brought into the Church in Anglican and Anglo-Catholic circles and bead prayer like the rosary etc. has really helped my prayer life. Any advice on this? Thank you !!

Are any other Quakers attending Burning Man this year? I’m going for the first time at age 71, accompanying my daughter, 1 1/2yo granddaughter, and a couple of my daughter’s friends.

For many years, I had the impression that Burning Man was just drug and alcohol fueled debauchery. Although those activities are part of the event, I am excited to experience the creativity and generosity and culture of self exploration and discovery. I think participants inner light glows brightly there.

Hello r/Quakers ,

What would you say has made you a more genuinely loving person? For example, what has enabled you to wake up more so with love than irritation, or able to look at others with love vs. indifference or repulsion?

I've been fascinated with love as it's an emotion/state of being that I've always struggled with. While I've read philosophy dealing with love, I feel at best, it shows me the nature of how love could move through me vs. actually making me a better person (e.g., Simone Weil on attention / Emmaneul Levias on the demands of the face).

I'm starting to believe that my efforts don't do much, given that what has made me more loving in my life has often boiled down to either being so overwhelmed by the evil I see/experience, and being forcibly changed by it (e.g., the state of the U.S.), or being incredibly humbled such that my old self perishes (e.g., being bullied as child, and learning empathy for others).

hello friends, I got a question

do conservative meetings welcomes lgbtqia attenders? Or even accept members who are queer? just asking this as i got interested on conservative Quakerism

appreciate any answers! Thanks <3

In my experience, the majority of Quakers in the US tend to be white folks, and there is a lot of unspoken prejudice around there. If you have been wondering about Latino Quakers, my experience in the US, or anything else, please feel free to ask.

The nine-year-old I help out with was talking about God for the first time, and i think she will at some point soon ask whether I believe in god... Mum is agnostic afaik, and I have the complex ideas and experiences of god of many quakers. I don't want to over complicate things, but nor do I want to do the simplistic guy in the sky thing. Are there any quaker books for kids which might help with this conversation? Not Q history, or stories about being kind etc, but about the reason we sit in silence and the experiences we might have.

She doesn't come to meeting because we have no other children, but she might do, one day. UK based, and TBH the Quaker bookshop doesn't seem to have much. I see bible stories, books about other religions etc, but that's not what I'm looking for. The only quaker one I can see ('A Friendly Word') is out of stock! although I will get that one from Amazon.

Any other ideas?

hi I'm a young person wanting to explore Quakerism but I can't find any information on places near me I can go like meeting houses. I was wondering if anyone can recommend places in or around Lubbock TX. most places around here are more churchy Jesus-centered and not so much Quaker centered if that makes sense

Greetings, while researching my family tree on my Grandfather’s side I discovered an extremely long line of Quakers. My family moved to Grand Rapids Michigan from the South. Up until 2 generations ago my family was active in the Quaker community. There are a multitude of Quaker meeting notes attached to my family tree. I’ve been fascinated with Quakers my whole life. I had no clue why… My ancestors must have been whispering in my ear this whole time lol!

So, anywho… fast fwd... I was raised Catholic but it didn’t resonate with me. I was always drawn to free thinking/liberal paganism. That’s my current path.

But, out of curiosity am I able to attend a friend’s meeting? Or is that frowned upon. I feel like my ancestors keep nudging me to do so… Please forgive my ignorance and give me your honest opinion. I’d like to say I attended at least one friends meeting. Even if it doesn’t resonate with me. I feel driven to do so.

Many Blessings! 🤍

All enquirers are welcome in Quakers meeting.

How do we manage difficult discussions within our Society, as well as demonstrating active peacemaking within the wider secular society?

Sex realist Friends (Sex Matters to Quakers) recently asked for a mediated reconciliation with BYM Trustees, facilitated by Restoring Relations. This was rejected.

What seems like a good next step to resolve the conflict?

How do we embrace all and find kinder ground to continue to discern together?

Edit - its interesting to note that some replies go straight to attack, which is a feature of Social Media.

Hopefully we can find ways of finding kinder ground. The point of the post was to generate ideas around potential next steps for all - to be part of the solution. Hopefully we can get to that. Holding everyone in love, while being curious and willing to engage with the substance in depth feels important.

To truly understand a topic you need to be able to listen to all sides and perspectives. To have read and researched the literature and studies that help to analyse the issues. It feels like Social Media promotes reading for outrage - reading with an angry eye - and responding in highly emotive terms. Its remarkably different to in person conversation.

Hi Friends,

I’ve been looking for this for a while and reading other threads but I haven’t quite found what I’m looking for so I’d like to ask here.

I’d like to participate in virtual unprogrammed meeting that has sharing in small groups afterwards. That to me would be more akin to the way fellowship feels in person but I’m not finding such an option at my meeting and also as I search info about meetings that are hybrid at this point in time. I should mention I’m in Europe so will need US day times.

If you have some leads for me I’d very much appreciate it.

Have you ever been asked or heard asked a question the completely altered your frame of reference, state of mind, or direction? What was it, and if you feel like sharing, what were the circumstances?

I'm looking to join Quakerism and I'm not sure where to start I did attend virtual Quaker meetings at university but I don't have one near me unless I move out.
Quakerism feels right to me for me

It comes up often enough here, often in a mangled form, so as a service to Friends here is what Karl Popper said about the so-called "paradox of tolerance". It's footnote 4 of chapter 7 of Vol I. of The Open Society and Its Enemies. Emphasis in original.

>The so-called paradox of freedom is the argument that from freedom in the sense of absence of any restraining control must lead to very great restraint, since it makes the bully free to enslave the meek. This idea is, in a slightly different form, with a very different tendency, clearly expressed by Plato [the subject of ch. 7]

>Less well known is the paradox of tolerance: unlimited tolerance must lead to the disappearance of tolerance. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant, if we are not prepared to defend a tolerant society agains the onslaught of the intolerant, then the tolerant will be destroyed, and the tolerance with them.—In this formulation, I do not imply, for instance, that we should always suppress the utterance of intolerant philosophies; as long as we can counter them by rational argument and keep them in check by public opinion, suppression would certainly be most unwise. But we should claim the right to suppress, even by force; for it may easily turn out that they are not prepared to meet us on the level of rational argument, but begin by denouncing all argument; they may forbid their followers to listen to rational argument, because it is deceptive, and teach them to answer arguments by the use of their fists or pistols. We should therefore claim, un the name of tolerance, the right not to tolerate the intolerant.

Popper was from a Jewish family and fled Austria around 1936. So we know who he means when he says that "[proponents of intolerant philosophies] may forbid their followers to listen to rational argument, because [they say] it is deceptive, and teach [their followers] to answer arguments by the use of their fists or pistols." He means both Fascists and Communists, he means fighting in the streets and and political rallies.

Query: When you invoke Popper to claim the right to ignore, suppress, or expel from your community those whose ideas you find objectionable, are you sure that those people pass this bar? Do you see them "answer arguments by the use of their fists or pistols"? Are you not able to " counter them by rational argument and keep them in check by public opinion"?

The above quote is copyright material but I believe that my use of it here is short enough to be in line with "fair use" and "fair dealing" provisions.