r/Sex_Positivity

I’m 25F and my partner is 39M. We met on FetLife last September. We both had recently come out of relationships and things moved very quickly. I was actually the one who wanted openness/non-monogamy at the beginning, because I had just left a relationship where I felt restricted.

Over time, the connection became much more serious and emotional. We spend a lot of time together, cuddle, play games, go dancing, share daily life and I do believe we love each other. When things are good, I feel very loved and cherished.

But we also have a difficult emotional dynamic. I have anxious attachment tendencies and get triggered by uncertainty, other women, inconsistent reassurance and feeling like I’m not special. He is very freedom-oriented and does not like feeling restricted. I need more emotional reassurance and consistency than he naturally gives, while he needs spontaneity and autonomy.

We are both on FetLife/Joyclub and the relationship is open. I have also met other people, including sexual/kinky dates, so I’m not against openness in general.

One issue is his ex. They broke up shortly before we got together and in the beginning he was not fully honest with her about me existing. She only found out about me later. Recently she stayed over at his place while I was there. I was polite and even made food for her, but the situation felt weird and afterwards she said things about me that were not true. He defended me, which I appreciate, but they still text every day and talk on the phone a lot. I’m not necessarily afraid he’ll go back to her, but it feels emotionally messy.

The biggest issue is sex.

In the beginning our sexual/kinky connection was amazing. That was honestly a big reason I started seeing him. We had chemistry, intensity, kink, desire and fun.

Now we haven’t had proper sex in about two months. He says he is not aroused because of stress and pressure in the relationship. He still likes being with me romantically: cuddling, spending time, sharing life but sexually he feels blocked with me.

At the same time, he hopes that swinger parties, couples or other women might help him get aroused again because of novelty and the unknown. He says at home with me, the situation does not awaken arousal and doing sexual things without arousal feels weird to him.

This is where I struggle. From my perspective, it feels painful that our sexual connection is blocked but outside sexual experiences are still treated as possible or exciting. I don’t want to be the romantic/home base while sexual energy is searched for elsewhere. I feel like openness feels safer when the base between the couple is stable including sexually.

Recently he did try some sexual things with me again, like spanking and fingering and it felt good. But he wasn’t really aroused and I feel like he is doing it for me rather than because he is genuinely into it. That makes me sad because I miss the sexual connection we had in the beginning.

I also know I can spiral by asking too many details about other women, texts, or parties. One question leads to another and then I get emotionally overwhelmed. So part of me thinks I should stop asking for details. But another part worries that I’m just avoiding reality.

My questions are: • Is it reasonable to want our own sexual connection to feel more stable before outside sexual exploration becomes a bigger focus? • Can an open relationship work if the romantic bond is strong but sex between the couple is currently blocked? • How do you handle it when one partner’s arousal seems tied to novelty/outside situations, while the other partner wants sexual connection inside the relationship too? • Is this something that can improve with less pressure and better boundaries, or does it sound like a fundamental mismatch?

I don’t want to force him into sex. I don’t want duty-sex. But I also don’t want to feel sexually left out of my own relationship.

I’ve been with my partner for 11 years, and overall our relationship is solid. We care about each other and get along well.
But something I struggle with is initiating sex or even talking about it. It feels awkward or like I’m putting pressure on her, even when I know she’s generally open to intimacy.
I notice I often hold back instead of just asking for what I want. I don’t fully understand why—part of it might be fear of rejection, part of it might be not wanting to make her uncomfortable, and part of it might be that over time I’ve just gotten used to not bringing it up.
At the same time, I do have sexual desire and I do want that connection, but I don’t express it well. I end up overthinking it or waiting for the “right moment” that never really comes.
I guess I’m trying to understand:
Why does it feel so hard to ask for sex even in a long-term relationship?
How do people stay comfortable initiating without it feeling awkward or pushy?
And how do you build a dynamic where desire can be talked about more openly?
I’m not trying to pressure my partner—I just want to understand myself better and improve how I communicate about intimacy.

My boyfriend (22m) and I (18f) have been together for almost a year now. During that time we have been sexually active he was my first body. We do have sex quite often and it is unprotected sex. Which isn’t the best idea but he likes the feeling better without a condom. He does pull out every time. He usually pulls out a bit before he is about to cum and will usually stroke it or have me give him a blow job it just depends on where he wants to cum. He has had a few close calls where he has pulled out and came right away. But so far he was been really good at pulling out. He just usually joke about coming inside of me but wouldn’t as he doesn’t want to have kids until we are much older and have a steady income. Today when we were having the first two rounds he pulled out as usual. But the third round he just didn’t stop until he came inside of me. I’m not sure why he did this. After he finished in me he did clean me as usual and got me dressed. He took me to get a plan b and food and did apologize. He said he wasn’t sure why he did it and he just couldn’t stop this time. After we ate he took me home and now I’ve just been thinking since then. I’m a very stressed person and i know that this is going to worry me and consume my thoughts until i know I’m not pregnant. I know all this could have been avoided if I was just firm about wearing a condom. Knowing that also makes me feel sick because I’m not sure why I have been so dum this whole relationship.

We as a species have found being inside a woman is quite pleasurable. If you break the vaginal canal into three sections; entrance / first couple inches, middle, and deep. Which areas are the most pleasurable for you all? U less there are more sections I don’t know? 😆

Me and my partner both like the first couple inches ….. for me the feeling on my cocks head is 🤯. I imagine something similar for her? From a women’s perspective what does it feel like? Do yall have any preference?

We also love deep penetration but we have to build to that and go real slow.

Just curious

33m, been in a long term open relationship for the last 10 years. She discovered she was bi early on and I never wanted to hold her back from exploring a side of her she never got the chance to. She would joke about how she felt bad that she had the opportunity to meet girls and I didn't, but she was also insecure about the idea of me with other women and would joke about how "why don't I just try it with men?" I've always been straight so it didn't interest me too much, but I would joke about it with her. Leaving it up to a maybe. She would tell me she was into it and found it hot, we would watch different types of porn together. Gay, straight, trans, lesbian, etc.

Overtime of this being joked about multiple times it would come up around mutual friends who were gay, and they would show interest in me. With all the consistent positive support around it, I figured why not. I had an experience with one of her friends, and while it wasn't amazing or life changing for me it wasn't something I regretted.

But now years later every now and then I get a deep rooted urge to act on this again, and I have found I enjoy dirty talk where the other men insist that I am "a closeted gay man, how could I possibly be straight with how much fun I have with them", etc. Almost a humiliation/talking down sort of verbal play. There are even videos of women doing these sort of monologues, and I've grown to love them. When I watch porn, those audio type videos and gay porn are nearly all I watch. But I still love having sex with my partner, and we've opened it up to allowing other women as well. But I still look for men primarily for quick hookups or fwbs. In my normal day to day life I don't really notice men, or find myself attracted to them or wanting to talk to them like I do with women.

I'm starting to wonder if this is just what I prefer now, or if it was just a slippery slope that lead to this kink.

I've been hooking up with this guy for a while now and have noticed some things about him that both make me amused and sad, and I wanted some opinions on how to approach him for these topics:

- he's a submissive man, really likes when I make decisions for him and take control on the bedroom but there's particular instances where he gets overwhelmed and tells me that i can do anything to him, literally anything. Im always careful about it as to not hurt him or make him uncomfortable and it's nice. but I had some suspiscions about him being into ageplay (he loves being pampered, held close to my body and sucking on my nipples) especially after i sent him a meme about it and he said "thats me" and it was confirmed that he's into it, which is not a problem to me at all, i just dont know how to navigate initiating intimacy with this kink in mind (would love to hear some ideas) or how i start a conversation about it to ask him what he likes and doesnt like.

- i also noticed that after sex he becomes kinda distant. I talked about it with him and asked if he wanted some aftercare and he said it usually doesnt work for him and that he rather just talk and distract himself (we usually take a shower together and eat something after). but i really feel weird not having some affection after sex, it's like he doesnt want to touch me anymore after we do it and it kinda hurts me, i just dont know how to approach him about it and find a middle ground for us both. ​

Hey everyone!

Me and my partner just discovered something we both quite enjoy. It's him sitting on an edge or a firm pillow preventing his penis from getting hard. I really like to play, kiss and ... with his soft penis and even make him cum this way. A blowjob with a soft one is so much easier for me 🙈 and I really enjoy the feeling of a soft penis. I hope I'm not alone.

I wasn't able to find anything about that on the internet - even on the renowned sites 😉 - so I'd like to know if any of you have tried similar things or even have further tips.

One downside of him sitting on something is his lack of mobility and my access to him is also a bit limited. We were thinking about a device to keep pressure in the spot that he could wear. Does such a thing exist?

One last question for myself. Are there similar ways for women to experience the same feeling of getting horny without the physical aspect of getting aroused, all wet and swollen?

Thanks guys!

I think it's kinda embarrassing but i need specific instructions on this matter. My boyfriend's size is bigger than i was used to (honestly i had only one other sexual partner) and im having trouble giving him pleasure which is getting me more and more insecure even when I really enjoy being intimate.

Blowjobs are hard cause I keep either gagging on him or doing awkward movements cause im afraid of my teeth scratching him on accident, which causes both of us to be frustrated at the end of it!!

And penetration hurts sometimes, which i dont know if there's even something to fix about that or just get used to it, please help any tips or tricks on any of these matters?

I heard using Hitachi magic want style vibrators on the penis, if done too much, can lead to desensitization and possible erectile problems. Is this true?

Apparently the idea was a combination of:

1. the extremely intense stimulation coming from these extra strong vibrators would over time lead to desensitization of the area.
2. when used right from the start before erection has occurred it might decouple the body's association between pleasure, stimulation and erection because pleasure and even orgasm can be achieved without ever getting an erection.

I have not a clue if this is a myth or if this is true but i hope someone else knows more about it.

Ladies I guess, how does a man with a little dick gain confidence out here in today’s society, we’re dealing with social media, porn, etc. and it’s somewhat becoming our reality. And most importantly you all are becoming more honest about the things you want sexually. So for a man who knows his package is small. And who has heard the “perfect size “ bs just to get cheated on with someone who is bigger, how can a man show his confidence? And yeah yall will say oh it’s other factors that attracts a woman or gets a woman nut off but let’s just be real for once please. Cause most importantly yall want a man that confident in the bedroom right?

Obviously the first thought is "ask my partner." But I'm curious what advice you'd have.

I'm straight (m). My partner is bi (f)
We are in a long term relationship and we are committed to that but I know in the past she has had fantasies about being with a woman again.

Are there sex acts we could do together that would be more feminine that would help her feel grounded in that energy? I don't even know if that's a thing because attraction to a woman isn't about the sex act specifically, but I wonder if there's something she could do with me that might scratch the itch in a way too? (I wondered about pegging or fingering instead of penetration, etc?)

I'm 19m and I have been chatting with a guy on Grindr who is 35 and we are planning to hook up some time soon. He's seen my self harm scars and haven't made any comments on them, which is nice. Though, I'm wondering if it's still ok to hook up with him if I recently relapsed. I haven't told him or anything, I don't want to make him uncomfortable as I don't know him that well. Though, I'm afraid that not telling him beforehand will make it worse. We are as well quite kinky, I'm a masochist, he's a sadist. My masochism is very different to self harm as intents differ though. Thank you in advance, sorry if this isn't much information