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r/ShittyLifeProTips

▲ 1.2k r/ShittyLifeProTips

SLPT: Start secretly putting a little bit of heroin in your partner's morning coffee. That way, if they ever break up with you, the severe physical withdrawals will make them think they are literally dying of a broken heart and they’ll come crawling back.

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u/AnchanSan — 1 day ago
▲ 62 r/ShittyLifeProTips

SLPT: Lose weight the old fashioned way.

Are you hungry? Would you like a snack? Maybe some fried chicken and a bacon double cheeseburger washed down with a couple three soda pops? Well, that ain’t gonna happen. No food for you. Here’s your new diet. One slice of bologna for breakfast, no lunch and a cup of black coffee for dinner. You’ll be in a dietary crisis within thirty days, but you’ll be thin and trim and ready for the beach.

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u/LiquidSoCrates — 6 days ago
▲ 36 r/ShittyLifeProTips

SLPT: Remember to dump out half (or at least unseal) the spices in your spice rack before a big date. You can always learn how to actually cook after they've committed.

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u/GoArray — 4 days ago