u/LiquidSoCrates

One man pees

On Instagram and Facebook I like to look at my suggestions and people I may know and block the people I dislike. Stole my gf in 7th grade? Blocked. Cheated on me in 7th grade? Fucking blocked you disloyal whoore! Backstabbing former coworker? Blocked! How does the algorithms even know I know these weasels? Why am i constantly reminded of people I’ve hated or disliked for decades? Girl I met once for ten minutes and got rejected? How the fuck does the algorithm figure that out? I’m blocking these weasels fast as the algorithm finds them.

More like Cock Shoop, amirite chat?

Are you hungry? Would you like a snack? Maybe some fried chicken and a bacon double cheeseburger washed down with a couple three soda pops? Well, that ain’t gonna happen. No food for you. Here’s your new diet. One slice of bologna for breakfast, no lunch and a cup of black coffee for dinner. You’ll be in a dietary crisis within thirty days, but you’ll be thin and trim and ready for the beach.

Look out kids, grandpas finna stick a Hot Wheels up his ass and jump in a vat of raw sewage.

Y’all know the USA has the best food on planet earth, baby! Ranch dressing is the only food you’ll ever need!

A little poop never hurt no one, especially if it’s on a $100 bill. Take that sucker home and spray some Windex on it. Now you’re up to $100 richer. Remember, Pennie’s make dollars and poops make pounds. Keep getting that paper fellow entrepreneurs.

And then I took it higher.

No. The answer is no. Can you imagine licking an ice cream cone in front of investors or senior management? Licking it like a dong! You’d actually be better off licking a penis! It’s madness I say!

My little brother just got accepted to Harvard on a physics and basketball scholarship! He’s the first one in our family to ever graduate high school! To celebrate we’re going to have a family picnic at the park that sometimes has a bad element lingering around. Comment “Go for it they can’t stop you now”

Back to school time is here and we’re all looking to save a buck. Here’s what you’re gonna do! Get a job at a local construction company. Get your five free company t-shirts and hoodie and just never show up again! Now you’re kids will be decked out in the latest fashions from brands like B&F Commercial Plumbing and Lawn and Leaf Landscaping.

Turns out my dog is in perfect shape! Not fat, just legitimately fluffy. To the people who called my dog fat; you can suck one. The insults directed at my dog only expose your ignorance and lack of character, and frankly I’m disgusted. My dog is perfect and you’re just a pos. Fuck you. I see that Hellcat badge on that box stock Ram 2500. What the fuck is that supposed to impress me or fool me? Either way, never speak to me or my dog again. Bastard.

It’s about a basketball playing dog who moves powder on the side. He drives a Mercedes AMG. Said dog snorts cocaine throughout the movie and beats up multiple pit bulls and fucks mad bitches, yo. What breed of dog should Cocaine Dog be? I don’t want to use a pit bull because I don’t want the film to be too “urban” if you catch my drift. Coke Dog’s plug is a Chiwawa.

What was I even on about? Have you tried the Kool Aid pickles?

All you gotta do is not use soap or shampoo when you take a shower. This will allow your true musk to fill the air which will attract an appropriate sex partner. One whiff and they’re hooked, just like crack rock.

When I was young, only nerds and teenagers had pimples. Old men had zero pimples. In 2026, I’m old and have two giant zits on my face. What the heck, bro?

I’m a north central WV hot dog fan, so I’m pretty particular (insane?) about my sauce. When I randomly saw Custard Stand sauce at my local Harris Teeter, I decided to check it out. Great product! I obviously had to add some pepper, but this last batch of dogs took me back to 1985. Good stuff. Bravo Custard Stand!