r/SuperJerk

The title mostly speaks for itself.

- Violent dog killing

- Pilestedt fucked my wife

- Pliestedt fucked my mum and now my parents are divorced

- Undocumented Immigrunts (not raycis jus don like em)

- Not Learning from Past Mistakes

- Ignoring Unfiltered Requests

- Reinforcing Toxic Positivity

- Poor Dating Management (When terminid girl dating sim?)

- Repeated Hardware Issues for Users (AH FORCED ME TO BUY VIAGRA)

- Promotion of Fomo tactics when its deemed "appropriate" (yes, I dont know how a business works, why do you ask?)

- Lying/Gaslighting (about fucking my wife)

- Difficulty levels unbalanced

And we could say more.

For the past 3 years now, this is an incomplete list of what over half of your customers have seen.

We are not on the road to "Having my parents married again"

I have read hundreds of comments (because every helldivers player has a reddit account) about how people will actively avoid buying your next game, quit this game, or avoid spending money on this game because of your studios decisions.

Most of us feel like we arent being heard, actively ignored, or your focus is no longer Helldivers 2

Alot of are more sad than we are upset (but I'm more angry than I am furious). We have watched you take a game that had more potential than any we had seen in a decade, and squander it. Poor decisions on top of poor decisions over and over again.

This is the crowd that review bombed you enough to start the latest change. Its the same crowd that wont show up to buy your next game if you choose to keep going down the path you've been going on for the last 3 years. (Surely they wouldnt want to lose us as a vocal minority, right?)

Regardless of how many upvotes or downvotes this post gets, it is the truth you need to hear. We all hope you do something with this info instead of ignoring it like you have on many other things.

Do you want to fix things and make us, the poor denizens of unfiltered, happy again? (/uj google Sisyphus)

1. Be COMPLETELY honest, no more fucking my wife
2. Be COMPLETELY transparent, no more Undocumented Imigrunts. Even if you think we will hate them.
3. Show INTREST in what your community wants. We've been asking for Eagle 1 x SEAF girl Yaoi for example
4. Take the TIME to go back through old warbonds and balance them. Yes it doesnt make you money right now, but making them work for future releases makes you consistent returns on new players. Source: trust me bro
5. PLAYTEST your game before you update it. Were tired of being forced beta testers, crashing and dealing with unfair mechanics (such as there being MULTIPLE VOX ENGINES on Difficulty 10. Literally unplayable).
6. LAUNCH a (master)beta test for those of us who do want to "help out". We all shouldn't be subject to it if we dont wsnt to be.
7. Add MEANINGFUL PROGRESSION for us to chase. Extra levels and titles dont mean much to us, we just equip warbond titles anyway. (/uj the only valid point of this entire rant tbh)
8. Reach out to community modders for HELP with the games problems. Take a look at say CGW, or even the guys actively cheating. They are fixing some of the games problems with simple toggles or remixing of content. Nothing could possibly go wrong, surely.
9. Do a DEEP DIVE into my anus WHY specific glitches and crashes keep happening across updates. They shouldnt be returning once you fix them. (again, I understand game development on a deep level)
10. Do a THOROUGH look into how/what enemies spawn on multiple difficulties. 7-10 should all include the cultist, because we fucking said so.
11. Look DEEP INTO what enemies the player base overwhelmingly doesnt like, and look at thier suggestions. The war strider comes to mind. (and by "the playerbase", we mean this one particular subreddit)
12. Lastly, and more importantly, pull thr focus toward the PLAYERS HAVING FUN. I understand we can be hard to deal with, and sometimes you wsnt to take that frustration out on us... but we are your customers. WE are what make your games profitable, and continue to be sold. If you keep catering toward this "small niche audience" idea, you will eventually be insolvent as a buisness. Do not let the arrogance of looking down from your golden tower replace your fear of being one of the peasants again. The day you give into that, is the day you have already fallen. (/uj nothing I could write is funnier than this, holy shit)

*to my fellow redditors*:

Alright guys, lets see the comments. If you've got something to flame me with lets get it. If not, lets see those likes because I need reddit karma to replace my lack of self-esteem so somebody actually reads this.

(/uj I know I said try jerk something other than unfiltered, but fucking hell this post was too funny to pass up. I cannot take this remotely seriously with the image, which was pulled straight from the original post, this has to be an undercover jerker lmao)

https://preview.redd.it/hgmb6u9a6ekh1.png?width=435&format=png&auto=webp&s=61ab1e6d60f2f6f7e3fcf9c43cb286f195b25c43

I love the game. I love the community. But the decision to make harvester spawns so low always annoyed me. Why even play the game when you can only fight like 1 harvester per mission? I ask Arrowhead every day to increase the harvester spawn rate, but they never respond. I'm not sure if they even listen to feedback.

How is the harvester spawn rate nowadays? I don't want to reinstall the game just to be disappointed.

There was no mod post, this is the first one posted today. I certainly DID read all the jerks from the last couple of days, and I certainly DID NOT say anything about unfiltered, failure to recognise this OBJECTIVE AND PROVABLE FACT will result in DEATH BY OUTJERKING.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

Hey fellow unfiltered divers. I just saw the news that the Gateway is open and we’re going into the "Void" to retake Seasse.

Before I actually boot up the game, or god forbid, play the new missions, I urgently need to know what our consensus is so I don't accidentally have the wrong opinion. Are we currently boycotting Barrowshed over this?

I need some guidance on the talking points:

• The Void: Are we complaining that there are no stars in the sky and Narrowhead is deliberately artificially nerfing our visibility because they hate fun?
• The New Enemies: Have we decided that the Illuminate "Wretch" and "Crusher" are completely unfair and broken? I need to know if I should be calling their spawn rates "active genocide against the playerbase."
• Randomized Objectives: I saw the patch notes mentioned multiple randomized primary objectives. Are we spinning this as "lazy developer slop" or "anti-player game design"?

I really don't want to make the mistake of dropping into the Source Planet and accidentally enjoying the new mutated flora if we’ve already collectively agreed that this update is a slap in the face to real veterans.

Please let me know exactly how much I should be seething so I can start copy-pasting our arguments into the main sub. Also, are we still demanding refunds for a $40 game we bought two years ago? Let me know, thanks.

Rideable overseers have been in the files for YEARS now, and we get a new "illuminate" update and they still don't give us the content the WHOLE COMMUNITY has been asking for?

Insane that they get away with the constant betrayal, backstabbing, and torture. Will the glazers ever take the pileschlong out of their mouth and speak up so we can finally live our power fantasy that was promised?

Out of all the places why did narrowhead put the kitchen table there and why did they move my foot in that direction!!!! Narrowhead very bad very bad bad

AH REVIVED MY DOG AND THEN SHOT IT AND KILLED IT AGAIN. THEY LITERALLY BURNED MY HOUSE DOWN WITH MY WNTIRE DAMILY IN IT. THEY WENT TO ALL THE LOCAL STORES AND STOLE EVERY BAG OF DORITOS AND ALL THE MOUNTAIN DEW. ITS OVER ITS ALL OVER. THEY SAID THEY SCRAPPED THE CULTISTS BUT OBVIOUSLY THAT WAS MISDIRECTION AND WHAT THEY REALLT MEANT WAS THAT THEY WOULD BE IN THE VOID. THEY DIDNT KEEP THEIR PROMISE AND NOW ALL WE GOT WAS 2 ENEMY UNITS AND MIXED UNITS WITH THE MAIN FACTION, A SUPER LAME UNDERPOWERED WARBOND, NEW MISSION TYPES AND NEW SEAF MECHANICS (NO I DONT WANT TO HUG THE SEAF AND THE MG TROOPS KEEP KILLING ME, THEY NEED TO TURN OFF FRIENDLY FIRE FOR SEAF BECAUSE ITS HURTING MY EGO THAT THEY KEEP KILLING ME). THEY SHOULDNT HAVE RHE AMOUNT OF VACATION TIME TJEY GET THEY DONT DESERVE IT, THEY SHOILD BE SHACKLED TO THEIR DESKS AND DELIVER THE CONTENT THAT I WANT WHENEVER I WANT IT FOR THIS GAME I PAID $40 FOR 2 YEARS AGO. IM GONNA GO HIDE IN A CAVE AND PLAY A REAL GAME FOR 6 MONTHS UNTIL THEY GIVE ME EXACTLY WHAT I WANT, BUT DONT WORRY ILL BE ONLINE BITCHING THE WHOLE TIME POINTING OUT HOW TRASH THIS GAME REALLY IS, AND REMINDING EVERYONE ABOUT HOW MARROWBREAD BETRAYED OUR TRUST FOR THE BILLIONTH TIME AND SHADOW NERFED EVERYTHING AGAIN. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

F***k the SEAF

The new SEAF re-work is still dog shit!!! They show up but there AI is still horrible! On multiple occasion they had to be blamed for over half our loss on missions, with friends and me. Just right now, we manage to finish a mission in the Void, out of time, I was the last survivor (thanks to the SEAF who killed my 3 friends), I took my last stim, when the ship was there and... those fucking morons shoot me behind my back when I was about to go in.

Friendly fire and all is fun to a certain point. I hated the SEAF when they showed up on the Siege for Super Earth, I still hate them now and even more.

Now, I don't care, I shoot them on sight for my safety and my friends safety. They are bugged as fuck!!! Whenever I kill 6 of them I explode, wtf is this shitty ass bug????

Hello jerkers

I'm sure many of you will have seen the post I made yesterday regarding the cultist petition. While I still think this petition is laughable and yet another example of how entitled this community has become, having read over it, the post made me look a fair bit more aggressive and pissed off by the whole thing than I really intended. I think this sub deserves better than the sole mod making a fairly immature post, so I will apologise to all of you for that. Its up to you whether or not that post crossed any lines, but its not the kind of thing I want to put out. It was alot more whiney, and not particularly funny.

On that note, that post did get me thinking about a few things. One of them being what I actually want this sub to be. The whole idea of this sub is that we're mocking the stupidity and toxicity of the helldivers community, usually with an actual sense of humour. I'm a little concerned that we are just becoming the anti-unfiltered sub, and while I do think that place deserves plenty of mockery for how much of an echo chamber it is, it does raise a question. How much better can we actually call ourselves if we spend all our time mocking one sub? I'm not changing any rules for this or anything, but I will simply ask you all to widen your net for jerk material to the other subs as well. All the inter-sub conflict and balkanisation is incredibly chronically online, and instead of being an active participant in a silly reddit war, I would much rather this sub be the Switzerland of the helldivers community. Sat atop a big mountain, with a perfect rail system, laughing at everyone else's idiocy.

Finally, with this sub somehow making it to 3.5k members, and something like 31k weekly visitors (apparently), I think this sub is long overdue some extra mods. I know I made some of you fill out a form for mod a few months ago, but in typical me fashion I sacked off looking at it until I completely forgot it existed, so sorry if you wasted your time on that. If you're interested in abusing your power over a video game sub, send me a modmail explaining why you want to mod or whatever. No experience necessary, but if you have any put it in. (If you filled out the old mod application and you're still interested, let me know by modmail and I'll dig it up).

If you made it this far, cheers for reading this text wall. If you didnt, fair enough.

Happy jerking

illuminate chicanery