r/TherapistsInTherapy

My schema therapist has been checking in with me once a day outside of therapy because of my medical condition and the level of vulnerability I’ve been in after severe abuse by a previous mental health practitioner. The legal case has now concluded, but I’m still left feeling shaken, hyper-alert, and very alone in my body.
My current therapist has been consistently kind, steady, and caring in a way I haven’t really experienced before, and I do trust her. And yet she’s now going away for 10 days, and the daily check-ins that have been quietly holding me together are stopping.
I find myself in a split place. One part of me understands she needs rest and very much wants that for her. But another part feels like the ground has been pulled away without warning, and the support I was leaning on has suddenly disappeared.
What’s making this harder is that my reaction doesn’t feel fully present-day. It feels like my nervous system has been thrown back into an old story.
My previous therapist became unpredictable with contact before things escalated into abuse, messaging, then silence, then sudden reappearance, with no stability or sense of safety. Eventually, I was seriously harmed. Even though I know my current therapist is nothing like that person, my body doesn’t seem to register the difference right now.
Since hearing about the break, I feel like I’ve been spiralling in a way that’s hard to explain. It’s not just worry, it’s a deep, disorienting sense of being unmoored, like I’m back in that old place of waiting, not knowing, and bracing for something bad to happen. I don’t know why she felt it was safe to do this- leave me where I am with no check ins. She didn’t bring this up neither did we planned for it.
I keep trying to remind myself that this is planned, this is safe, this is different. But emotionally, it still feels like abandonment is happening all over again.
Has anyone else with complex trauma or attachment wounds found that a planned therapist break still triggered intense abandonment feelings? If so, what helped you get through the time they were away, practically or emotionally? I am not talking about journaling but something more cognitive and skill based, and was there anything your therapist did when they returned that helped repair that rupture or settle your nervous system again? Thank you.

I am 37, new mom and a therapist with zero client right now but I am hoping to can get that. I studied psychology to understand myself, I definitely had some traits of borderline personality (0-100 in a sec), anger issues, never suicidal though no real sense of self, push and pull in relationship, some traits of histrionic- very look at me, sex addict at one point.probably little NPD as well - a lil manipulative.
I am a SA survivor and I have inattentive adhd self diagnosed, looking into medication. Been in therapy for last 3 years and have therapy training gestalt 2 years and SE 2.5 years (5 modules) finishing soon. Learnt a lot and helped in my career too. But still not there. Motherhood definitely unmasked adhd.

Always been with humanistic therapy so hints but not real diagnosis yet. Hehe lot medical student syndrome probably. Content in life and learning and savouring every moment.
Have a loving partner and the most amazing 8 month old. Reconnected with family but distant with my alchoholic abusive father. Mom is still with him and it bothers me. so some acceptance remaining to do. I need to remind myself I am not her mom. She is mine.

Raw thoughts and love that I can be so raw here on Reddit. New to Reddit and just using this for more perspective. Need to get my shit together so that I can enjoy my motherhood more.

I think I am in the burn out phase not sure but wondering what caused burn out for other therapists???

I’m putting this here as a way to have an open discussion regarding this topic. I work as a therapist and been struggling with suicidal thoughts all summer. I should add that I have a past of suicidal ideation/ self-harm before becoming a therapist. Unfortunately or fortunately (?), my employer found out about my suicidal thoughts… this has been a good thing because the thoughts have lost some power since more people finding out and I’ve been able to access some work accommodations and obviously adjust my schedule. Therapists out there who have similar experiences and/ or struggle with suicidal thoughts: (here are some random questions for you):

1. What would you want others to know about suicidal thoughts ?
   (It is becoming clear to me that most people don’t actually get what it is like to only see one option left in life)
2. What accommodations or job supports would you ask for?
3. How long would you take time off work? Would you take any time off? How do you know you need to take time off?
4. Generally speaking, what are some self-care strategies you would use/ have used?

Again, I’m posting this here to have an open conversation about this, but please let me know if this topic isn’t allowed.

Thank you!