r/TransyTalk

Im not even sure if this is the right sub.

To start let's just say im not sure who I am exactly. I was born male but have always questioned if that was who I am.

Growing up I was heavily bullied especially by my father, for my weight etc. When I was around 13 I wanted to be a woman, I was honestly always more interested in men anyway.. well I made a dream list of who I wanted to be. My mom found my dream list and it turned into a nightmare.

Fast forward to present day, im 34 and very masculine/ hairy. I am married to a wonderful woman and just recently told her how I felt and she was really supportive..

My question though is if its too late for me to actually become feminine and look like a woman? Its my biggest fear/ regret that I let the abuse control my life so much so that, I'll never actually get to be/ look like who I feel like I was supposed to be.

My parents were born in the 50s and both were physically, emotionally and mentally abusive. My father was a manly man, sexist, misogynist (basically worst of the worst).

Any advice etc would be appreciated, especially since im scared to actually try to be who I feel I am..

Copied this from another sub is posted in

So as many of you may know once you know you know and it's took this happening about 4 times in the same number of years so me to come to terms with it.

Because of this I've splurged on tons of clothes over the years so of which is very easy to style and be androgynous in my appearance without people knowing I'm wearing female clothing

I want to take the step forward from full crossdressing in my own home to now trying it out in public because of this I've tried buying a few more female only items that can't be used/styled by a guy and at the moment I'm struggling on how to make myself feel feminine with it,

I've bought a waist trainer for the first time and even buying what I thought would be a size or two smaller than I am (already only really a size 10-12 already as I'm quite skinny) but it doesn't catch the way I thought it would as a size 8 item, I know I probably don't have the hips for it which is why I've gone out and bought some shapers to add a bit of volume to that region but I don't think that'll be enough

I've gone out in crop tops and breast forms in a pair of jeans and that has felt fine but for my more female passing clothing I just want some advice on how to style it around how I am

I'm looking into hormones in the UK but understand there are big wait times under the NHS at the moment so may go private once I have the funds behind me which hopefully will help with fat redistribution but at the moment even not having much of a belly,hips, or any fat besides my thighs I still don't know what I can do to make my outfits pop

Any tips would be lovely and I'll make a little list of items I've already got/purchased and are on the way

Breast forms and bra

Hip and bottom shapewear

Waist trainer (got my first one with another smaller one on the way)

Full top body silicone forms

And obviously tons of clothes

If this isn't the place for this let me know and I'll take this down and post elsewhere, thanks for reading huns

Is a question I ask myself frequently. Tbh I think I look masculine asf. Been on hrt 2yrs in October. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it. But I do love the changes I have had. Getting hookups for me is very hard though cause I'd consider myself a boymoder or at least a more masculine queer person I like the word butch. But idk sometimes my friends will say stuff that makes me realize I'm more feminine. The fact I'm smooth, guys can be smooth though idk.

Background: I am a trans fem? trans woman? nb? who passes and lives full time as woman but still hasn't had bottom surgery (soon to have).

So sometimes I feel I'm non-binary because I don't fully relate with womanhood, sometimes because womanhood is something too sacred to claim, and claiming full womanhood as a trans woman would be blasphemous.

I also have severe I mean SEVERE internalised transphobia, such as >!"you have to get bottom surgery to be your gender, and even then you'll be fake, just a 'good enough' counterfeit product", "pre-op trans men are more woman than pre-op trans women", "if you don't want to get bottom surgery, you're not really trans", "trans women are not women, they're males, just that some are so close to women that we treat them as women for social convenience" , "trans women make a woman's space unsafe" !<etc I mean straight from what you would hear from TERF meetings and conservative white men talks.

So I am also partly identifying as non-binary because I'm not "good enough", because womanhood is "too sacred", because "I will never be a real woman" etc. However, sometimes I genuinely feel neutral or disconnected from full womanhood. How do I know if it's genuine NB ness or just extreme internalised transphobia?

Im MTF19 Id just prefer someone queer (MTF would be best) just to feel the most comfortable/related to. Yesterday kinda sucked so a distraction would be nice.