r/UKLGBT

So the UK is copying the USA approach and going ahead with bathroom bills, amongst other things in a move that unfortunately doesn't surprise me but I don’t have the spoons to tell the people who said I was being "alarmist" that I told them so.

https://www.reddit.com/r/UKLGBT/s/vjl4uBDs2o

Here's the deal.

Trans woman.

I work with kids.

My work only has neutral toilets because the kids I work with have special needs, so every bathroom is accessible by default.

I am not concerned about this affecting my work in *that* sense.

But I've worked in caring for vulnerable people for, effectively the entire time I've been employed. I did take some time working in customer service for a bit because the adult care industry is pretty damn hateful.

So, I've had my fair share of background checks.

I say all this because my current job, which, as it happens, was a dream job has the most extensive background check I've ever seen. Understandable as kids are involved, ofc.

This does mean that if were to break the law, I would lose said job.

Especially if I was charged with certain offences.

Like they wouldn't show me the door for, say, shoplifting an entire chicken from the local Tesco but stuff more serious could get me sacked.

The government, in it's wisdom is making my access to use a bathroom safely illegal.

I'm very tall, with a broad frame, but amongst other things, I have long hair and large breasts as well as soft, "feminine" features on my face.

So, in some situations, I "pass" and in others, I don't. It's honestly 50/50.

I've only had trouble in a bathroom once when someone was trying to film me a few years back. I think, honest to goodness, most people are just in there to pee.

Most I get other than that one extreme example is, I suppose people giving me a bit of a "double take"

Gotten more compliments than grief, tbh. Many a time some women have fixed my makeup or asked advice. Even asked for my help with safety.

But

It really only takes one person.

Filming me or calling the police or even just causing a stir and suddenly, bye-bye job.

And no, using the men's isn't an option. Been assualted and harassed too many times to ever consider it. Plus, outing myself every time I gotta piss doesn't sound very safe.

Do I just stop going out in order to keep supporting these kids? It's not like GN loos are commonplace. And I drink a lot of damn water, especially during the summer months, as I do struggle in the heat.

I'm very extroverted, so go out and about a lot. I worry what shutting myself away will do for my mental health as I did wrestle with agoraphobia for a while some years ago.

But, having a criminal record and losing my job (and potentially being on a register) would also be devastating.

Both options are dreadful.

I'm a woman who only dates women and am almost 24, White Scottish, and am living in small town Northern England which really isn't amenable to anything not straight and English. I just quit my job where I would often hear coworkers make racist or otherwise ignorant remarks regularly. I also attracted comments (no, not just banter, which would be fine) about being Scottish such as 'you don't talk like us' and 'you wouldn't know about xyz...'.

Only reason I'm here is to stay with my family (who are thankfully kind and accepting) while I commute to a masters in a city which I'll start in September. The masters is a two-year course and I'll be getting a new part time job to save money so as soon as my education is over I can apply for permanent residency in Canada or a Green Card for the US.

Everyday when I go outside I see those ugly tattered half-mast flags and it ruins my day and ability to connect with anyone from the area. I hate it here.

What should I do and how do I make the next two years go by quickly?

I currently live in London, but I cannot afford to stay anymore. I would like to move to a different place, but I’m not really sure where it’s safe to be openly Queer.

I would like it to be safe for people of colour too

So as stated up above i'm a 30 year old disabled man who has been very curious for a couple of years now but don't know how to actually meet someone to explore my sexuality. I have a disability called muscular dystrophy meaning i very slight movement in my limbs and need to use a nasal ventilator so obviously its an uphill battle. Sexually i can get and maintain an erection and i'll be able to suck, i have alive in carer around my age whos very understanding although i havent told them i'm bi. So basically i need help meeting someone to see what happens but would like to meet up first. Any help would be greatly appreciated

I know- meeting people in person is best. I do go to queer events and spaces, but being shy, and especially being trans, it’s nice to have an environment where communication about intentions is clear and my whole identity is on the table from the start, because it’s in my profile. I’d like to be pursuing all possible avenues.

What do you use, what have you had luck with? I’m especially interested to hear from other queer men- most of my irl friends are sapphic. Everyone I know seems to have a great track record with Hinge, but when I go on there I don’t see a lot of guys who are my type (where are the bears? 💔) I’ve mostly had dates through Feeld, but all more casual. I want something long term, serious, and monogamous.

I don’t know how to get around that with him as I’m at the point where I should just be straight to stop him calling me a Po** how do I get around this without acting straight just to stop my grandfather who was born on 07/01/1944 and is 82 any help Would be greatly appreciated

Fund independent research into gender-affirming care for transgender youth

Fund research into youth gender-affirming care, as current access bans have been blamed on a lack of clinical evidence. The government must fund high-quality, independent studies into these treatments to either justify restrictions or provide the data needed to safely restore medical pathways.

UK transgender healthcare in a standstill due to an information gap is not a sustainable solution for vulnerable young people. If the current barrier to care is a lack of data, it is the responsibility of the government to fund the necessary scientific research to find the answers.

Sign the petition

One of the biggest sources of both anxiety and frustration I've come across in transition is haircuts.

On the surface, that sounds kinda silly, I know.

But, there's a few reasons why this has been the case.

I almost lost all my hair a few years ago. HRT saved it and at the time it was the only part of my body that felt "feminine" so I used to run my fingers through it or try to grow it out as much as possible to regulate myself when dysphoria hit just a little too hard. I still run my fingers through it for self-regulation but it's more for neurodivergant reasons now.

One of my parents was outright awful. He'd drag me to barbers or a unisex hairdresser and make them sheer me till it was a military buzzcut. One of my less than pleasant memories was him screaming at someone who, could see my very young self was incredibly distressed by the idea of yet another buzzcut and felt uncomfortable doing so.

So, he threatened her till she relented (she was the only person in that day).

What a great dad! (/s, obviously).

To make matters worse, since trying to live as my true self, I've had many, many *many* botched jobs by just picking random salons, even when I've spoken to them online prior, given clear instructions (even writing them down ffs!) and even shown photos.

I don't pass, so some places have decided that means I get "boys hair" and disregard what I've asked for.

It's basically a transfeminine version of this meme.

As someone who still has a bit of a phobia around haircuts because of well, those awful experiences people just deciding for you what your hair should look like because of how they perceive your gender and dismissing what you asked for is fucking exhausting.

I'm at a point where I don't go into a place for a haircut unless other transfeminine people have basically "trail run" it for me as unfortunately "queer friendly" doesn't always mean trans-friendly these days, especially in our country. One or two places recommended by a local LGBTQ+ charity because they had gay people on staff ended up giving me botched jobs.

I did find a place eventually but as it happens, they are fully booked. Like, fully booked. Weekends and weekday evenings are not an option until possibly the middle-end of June by the looks of things. It's a testament to them being good but, even still.

I work in education, so I wouldn’t feel right pulling a sick day just for a cut.

The only other place I got pointed to is a commute of almost 3hrs because it's in the middle of Armagh, and I can’t drive (also, public transport is shite).

I stupidly left it too long as even though I do have a friendly place I know of, I'm still filled with anxiety over things like booking a cut and I tend to leave it until it's needed rather than just wanting a new style. I also have a problem of leaving important things to the last minute.

So now I'm dealing with clumps and knots that are difficult. It's stressful because I do again, still run my fingers through my hair for self-regulation. And at the moment I can't really do that.

The Strands for Trans Website only lists three locations in Northern Ireland and one of them doesn't offer cuts anymore. The other two are just nail bars rather than offering cuts. So, I don't even know where to ask around.

-

This is some common advice I've gotten over the years that just isn't applicable given circumstances:

"Just cut your own hair!"

Part of said neurodivgerance includes dyspraxia. There's just no way I could cut it myself without well, either risking injury or cutting it in a way where I'm gonna hate it. The nature of said dyspraxia at it's worst is doing hand-eye coordination tasks that I can only describe as "fiddly" with knitting for instance being something I've only tried a few times and resulted in blood and cursing. I couldn't tie a shoe till I was in my mid-twenties.

Cutting it myself is out of the question.

"Get a friend to cut it."

None of my friends know how to cut hair. They know how to give themselves buzzcuts but again, we're avoiding that.

"Just go in with a photo, write down what you want."

Already addressed this in the post tbh but feel it's worth repeating. I have tried even handing written instructions over, photos etc and it's still resulted in "boy cuts"

"If someone starts cutting your hair in a way you don't like, just say something."

I really struggle with confrontation, especially in states where I do feel vulnerable. Not only that, but a botched job can be done really quickly.

"Get someone to go with you to have your back."

Don't really have that as an option. Although I have friends, they lead pretty busy lives.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm honestly not sure what to do. It does need cut and while I'm aware there's de-tangle shampoo/conditioner it's kinda delaying the problem. It does need cut. I can't really wait around till the end of June for my regular place either.

But how do I avoid people just ruining me because they refuse to see me as anything other than a bloke playing pretend?

EDIT: I have asked r/TransIreland in the past and I even did ask recently but they tend to not be able to suggest anything in Northern Ireland. And heading down to Dublin for a cut is just not really feasible. Heck, a couple of years back I was asking about a place to go for eyebrows and I suggested Dundalk, lol.

r/transgenderUK has also not proven helpful on this in the past. Most of their members live in mainland UK as is.

hey, i’ve never gone to any of the pride stuff that pops up in the coming month but i want to this year, is there like a uk events type thing or is it just everywhere and you join in?

I personally don’t have all the information here but thought it might be worth sharing with this community.

Palantir have/are going to be granted unlimited access to NHS England patient data. This will, I imagine, include your gender status and address.

Palantir are a company accused of being “Techno-Fascists”

I won’t bore you with the details but there’s a website giving you more information on how to opt-out of this.

https://medconfidential.org/how-to-opt-out/

Edit: I’ve edited this as it’s been pointed out to me this currently will only apply to NHS England data. That means they will not have access to data in Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland.

I am a hopeless romantic. I still believe I might meet my soulmate out and about...maybe at a social event, a pub, or even the supermarket.🛒

The problem is, when I actually have the chance to talk to a woman, my brain just resets to factory settings. Factory settings usually means "computer says NO".

At a bakery once, I shit you not, I smiled at a woman and she at me, and in what I thought was a very cool way... I asked "do you like bread?". 🥖🤦‍♀️

I say the most random shite like "oh, it's raining" when we are both standing in it getting soaked. Then, once I've clearly lost the plot from sheer embarrassment, I scurry off like a frightened "squirrel"🐿️ because what else is she going to say besides "yes I like bread" and "yeah it’s raining". Usually, she just looks at me like "are you okay?" or worse, she's the one that scurries off probably out of fear of me saying some more random rubbish!

I haven't had a proper conversation with a woman out in the wild since 2017! 😫 At this point, I believe my soulmate has probably adopted a dog or a gerbil, moved to an even colder country, and given up us ever meeting. (Sorry Soulmate!! I'm trying...echo echo)

Tell me I’m not the only "squirrel" out here in the "wild". Any other UK squirrels hiding in supermarkets or bushes or wherever you're having these awkward conversations?

Let’s share the most awkward things we’ve said out in the wild, ladies!!! 😄Or am I actually the only one that says things like "oooh look, pickled eggs"?🥚🤦‍♀️🐿️

TLDR: Manager is homophobic at work and my claims are invalidated by higher management. What should I do?

Hello! I (M26) have been at my workplace for almost 2 years, and across the time have experienced a few homophobic comments towards me from one of my managers, which have been witnessed by other managers who did not take any further action. I was also sexually harrassed by a male colleague and received homophobic abuse from a customer, but this was never taken seriously enough for me to be able to raise it further.

I had a meeting yesterday with the general manager who basically tried to insinuate that my feelings were exaggerated, and that it is possible that the blatant homophobic comments made by a manager (who has reposted homophobic material on his Instagram - which I was told off for bringing up as apparently it is irrelevant even though it goes against the company's EDI and Social Media policies) were just innocent curiosity. These comments include suggestions that gay people go against nature because they cannot reproduce, and that he does not want members of the LGBTQ+ community to push it in his face. I was also told in this meeting that he cannot be homophobic as he has only made these comments to me and not other gay people in the workplace. I was also made to feel that because I am only 26, I have not seen the great progress made in LGBTQ+ rights in the UK (which, I might add, are currently ranked at their lowest level for a long time). My general manager also compared my experience with lifelong homophobia to when he used to receive a few comments at school for being from Eastern Europe, which has nothing to do with the matter at hand.

The solution that my general manager has provided is that he will ask the other manager to stop speaking to me. Bearing in mind that this manager already does not even greet me, but only chooses to talk to me when he wants to talk about my sexuality.

The meeting I had yesterday further proves my claims that I am not being taken seriously here, and thus would like to know what I can do to raise this further.

Ideally, I believe that my homophobic manager should be dismissed. I do not understand how they can let someone whose opinions, which yesterday they told me that he was entitled to despite them being harmful towards myself, clash so strongly with the values of their company continue to work here, especially as we are currently working closely with an LGBTQ+ organisation. I also cannot believe the treatment that I received in the meeting yesterday, which seemed to only invalidate my perfectly reasonable claims and made me seem like I am exaggerating and do not know what I am talking about.

Where do I go from here?

Hi all!

I'm playing a gay man in an upcoming stage production in the northwest.

It's a period piece set in the late 1950s, and I would love to be able to speak to someone who is gay and was alive around that time for an interview.

It would be under an hour long, over a phonecall or video chat, even in person if all were comfortable and it was northwest based.

If anyone is able to help me, or knows someone who could help me, that would be amazing. Thanks all!

Hi all. I’m sorry if this isn’t allowed but I don’t know what to do. I’m a 26 year old man and a recent experience has completely flipped my life upside down. I never even considered being bi my whole life and now here I am.

To cut a long story short, I was wondering if anyone had any advice on someone I can talk to. I’m from Leeds and I know a lot of people, some being therapists and shit so I’m too scared to go and see someone face to face incase they know me or something as my family aren’t so open minded and the last thing I want is for word to get around. I just need someone I can talk to and try and figure it out whilst being anonymous.

TIA and again, sorry if this isn’t allowed.

TLDR: Manager is homophobic at work and my claims are invalidated by higher management. What should I do?

Hello! I (M26) have been at my workplace for almost 2 years, and across the time have experienced a few homophobic comments towards me from one of my managers, which have been witnessed by other managers who did not take any further action. I was also sexually harrassed by a male colleagu and received homophobic abuse from a customer, but this was never taken seriously enough for me to be able to raise it further.

I had a meeting yesterday with the general manager who basically tried to insinuate that my feelings were exaggerated, and that it is possible that the blatant homophobic comments made by a manager (who has reposted homophobic material on his Instagram - which I was told off for bringing up as apparently it is irrelevant even though it goes against the company's EDI and Social Media policies) were just innocent curiosity. These comments include suggestions that gay people go against nature because they cannot reproduce, and that he does not want members of the LGBTQ+ community to push it in his face. I was also told in this meeting that he cannot be homophobic as he has only made these comments to me and not other gay people in the workplace. I was also made to feel that because I am only 26, I have not seen the great progress made in LGBTQ+ rights in the UK (which, I might add, are currently ranked at their lowest level for a long time). My general manager also compared my experience with lifelong homophobia to when he used to receive a few comments at school for being from Eastern Europe, which has nothing to do with the matter at hand.

The solution that my general manager has provided is that he will ask the other manager to stop speaking to me. Bearing in mind that this manager already does not even greet me, but only chooses to talk to me when he wants to talk about my sexuality.

The meeting I had yesterday further proves my claims that I am not being taken seriously here, and thus would like to know what I can do to raise this further.

Ideally, I believe that my homophobic manager should be dismissed. I do not understand how they can let someone whose opinions, which yesterday they told me that he was entitled to despite them being harmful towards myself, clash so strongly with the values of their company continue to work here, especially as we are currently working closely with an LGBTQ+ organisation. I also cannot believe the treatment that I received in the meeting yesterday, which seemed to only invalidate my perfectly reasonable claims and made me seem like I am exaggerating and do not know what I am talking about.

Where do I go from here?