Anyone aware of trans-friendly house shares?
Asking on behalf of a friend. She's a young trans woman who's been left with nowhere to go due to some factors outside of her control (including landlord being a bit of a dick).
Kinda a shot in the dark asking on reddit and all but I'm worried about her and trying to see if there's anything the community could do to help her.
Preferably close to Belfast.
Asking on behalf of a friend. She's a young trans woman who's been left with nowhere to go due to some factors outside of her control (including landlord being a bit of a dick).
Kinda a shot in the dark asking on reddit and all but I'm worried about her and trying to see if there's anything the community could do to help her.
Edit: Preferably close to Belfast.
No access to good therapy. And bad therapy (from my experience) is 100x worse than no therapy at all.
I'm dealing with an issue that's come about as a result of a combination of both. Or rather, how the neurodivergant brain responds to such things.
The long and short of it is something I use for self-regulation has recently become totally lost to me and I'm just finding that non-neurodivergant people are unable to see why it's an issue.
I did try r/AutismTraumaSurvivors but the post was removed without explanation.
I've been writing since I was a small child. On and off. There's been periods where I'd have slumps but it's something I've always done.
I don't journal. The type of autism I have makes me more likely to fixate on things so when I was just journaling, writing my feelings down etc I'd end up feeling worse about my issues rather than it being a release.
Throughout my teens and early twenties I used to co-write with other people on RPG forums. But after I came out as trans I well, stopped. People started to really hate me.
I actually remember doing one RPG where a character was trans and I got a lot of praise for how I wrote her. Only for people to turn hostile when finding out I was trans myself.
Was the last time I did one of those RPGs. But I kept writing solo.
Whenever I'd hit a slump, I tended to find creative writing groups or co-writing and that would pull me out. Unfortunately I've been in a slump for months and no such groups exist.
Even tried setting up my own. Didn’t work. I've tried to set up my own group many times over the years but RSD makes it hard to commit when people RSVP yes every week only no just never show for months on end.
Despite trying everything, the slump is here to stay. I'm now at the point where I look at my past work and hate it.
I haven't found a suitable replacement for a creative oulet. Between my dyspraxia, a need to actually feel pride in what I do, the cost of some hobbies as well as some requiring a community element..
Yeah. No joy.
There's no hobby to replace writing with because it was a massive part of my life.
Times are scary. People have tried (and succeeded) in hurting me because of what I am. I found comfort in the creative. Helped me deal with that better.
It was kinda like, my writing made me feel like a mattered in a way. Because if something were to happen to me, at least it'd be there for people to see.
I never wrote about my own trauma. Even when writing trans characters in early transition I'd make them different enough from me so that I wasn't veering into self-insert territory.
In recent years I have explored narratives where powerless people overcome stuff, become powerful etc and I know damn well that's come about as a result of trauma.
So with it gone for good. I don't know what to do with myself.
I don't have access to good therapy and never did. Got trauma surrounding that with abuse (including attempted conversion therapy).
But I always just wrote stories. With that outlet gone, what I experience and what I have experienced feels louder and heavier than it ever has before.
This week I had to Ol' Yeller what had previously been a hobby and a creative outlet since I was maybe seven years old.
Hit a slump with it a few months ago and despite trying everything, the slump is here to stay. I'm now at the point where I look at my past work and hate it.
I haven't found a suitable replacement for a creative oulet. Between my dyspraxia, a need to actually feel pride in what I do, the cost of some hobbies as well as some requiring a community element..
Yeah. No joy.
It was kinda like, my writing made me feel like a mattered in a way. Because if something were to happen to me, at least it'd be there for people to see.
Times are scary. People have tried (and succeeded) in hurting me because of what I am. I found comfort in the creative. Helped me deal with that better.
So with it gone for good. I don't know what to do with myself.
Hi there.
This isn’t me looking for advice on how to break the slump or a vent about said slump. I've tried everything and I've sorta accepted that it can't be broken.
There's a tested meathod that has gotten me out of slumps in the past but I just don't have access to it. Writing groups have helped before as co-writing sessions have broken slumps in the past but there's no groups I can join (and starting my own didn't work)
The lack of a creative outlet I can get passionate about like I did for writing well, it sucks.
Due to dyspraxia the likes of knitting/crochet ends poorly.
And I find journaling just makes me dwell and brings down my mood.
I guess I'm looking for something similar to writing I can sink my teeth into.
Although something like "Camarilla", "The Hedge" and even Atlantis are universal terms that refer to multiple things, terms like "Uratha" are only really associated with White Wolf itself. A regular human who's heard something like Uratha in passing and pops it into Google isn't gonna necessarily see the Werewolf connection straight away.
Curious as to what other people think.
I was fortunate enough to get a pair of women's boots some years ago but it was limited edition and bought for me as a gift.
However the pair is incredibly worn out because they're kinda the only women's boots I've got. I'm aware I should get them repaired soon but that kinda leaves me with nothing to wear in the meantime that actually makes me feel good about myself.
I'm self-conscious and lack confidence surrounding my feet in general because well, 13 is huge. I'm against wearing sandals, heels etc for this reason.
Wearing stuff for men does make me feel pretty terrible about myself because I'm a trans woman and wearing clothes for blokes makes me feel horrible and ruins confidence. Likewise, stuff for Drag Queens falls into the same boat.
I wouldn't say I'm quite as self-conscious about my height but I generally avoid heels due to dyspraxia (I suffer from poor balance, so heels are going to end poorly) and that I'm already very tall.
I've had no joy whatsoever. I've looked at the likes of Killstar, EMP etc and other alt clothing shops but they stop around a size 9 or 10.
A couple of years ago I was a part of Unison but left because they were kinda useless surrounding some transphobia I was experiencing. The long and short was that because I worked as agency healthcare staff, they called me "exploitive" and wouldn't support me with the issues I was having. I ended up terminating my membership and since then I've only been a part of CWU, back when I worked in customer service.
I left CWU when I left customer service and we left on good terms. However I am aware they help fund the Labour party.
I'm long overdue joining another union as I do work in education and have for a while but I don't want to fund the Labour party because I don't want to be funding my own extermination. Helping fund the Labour party is the equivalent of buying HP shit now. I know that money is going towards a cause that's gonna hurt me and my transgender siblings.
I also have many friends who are from immigrant communities and friends who have disabilities and Labour is targeting them as well. So overall, fuck the Labour party.
For the past few years I've been getting my bloods done by Medichecks. I opted for not just testing my hormone levels but kinda an all in one. The reason for this is because I don't have access to a GP outright so the blood test is my equivalent of a check-up. There are a few illnesses in my family you'd detect early through abnormal blood results.
Someone tried to take my bloods today but failed. She said to call Medichecks and get it re-booked. Medichecks refused to re-book the test and instead tried to push me into booking a new test and sample collection kit.
This was despite the sample collection kit not being used. The nurse simply couldn't get a vein as I have deep veins to begin with. Difficult even if you're not in a heatwave.
So I still have the sample kit, unused but no way of booking a second test.
It's not one of those finger-prick tests. Would need to be taken by someone who knows what they're doing. Obviously the NHS is out. Unsure what my options are, if any. Already out of pocket a fair deal due to the Medichecks situation.
A few weeks ago I posted asking for signposting to potential online communities. Nobody had any ideas beyond just making my own. So I did just that.
Because this is reddit, not going to post the invite publicly as don't want to risk unpleasant people raiding the place but *if* you are interested, reach out to me.
And people still try to claim it's just "mean people online" when talking about transphobia.
Fuck the UK.
Have been doing the rounds on reddit lately asking if there was an online queer/queer-friendly writing group.
All responses boiled down to "Well I don’t know of any, why not start your own?"
I did give that a go in the past (irl). A handful of times over the years, actually.
Couldn’t get it off the ground. Got fed up sitting in the agreed upon venue by my dumbass self even though people had RSVPed.
Might have more success online. Feel it can't hurt. And hey, if nobody shows to an online space you haven't gone out to a cafe to wait on people, lol.
Anyone up for it?
This is a re-post from another subreddit. Was advised to post here:
I was using a local queer writing group as a way of having a social aspect to writing and this also held me to account because we'd set challenges and sorta motivate each other. Was also a good place for feedback.
However said group isn't accessible anymore and as a result I don’t really have any ways of like, engaging with other writers actively. It was also a useful tool to actually get me to sit down and write because we'd hold writing sessions.
I don't know what to replace it with. Reddit doesn't exactly have the same semblance of community as you kinda just post threads and hope for replies rather than having an active flow of regular conversation.
There are no other irl groups I can find that are accessible. The only other ones around are for teens or uni students. Did ask around and even spoke to a local queer group but they had no ideas.
Regarding the trans-friendly aspect itself (very important) it's twofold. One, my stories tend to heavily feature trans characters and themes (for obvious reasons) and that wouldn't be welcome in a lot of spaces.
And two, if a place isn't trans-friendly all it really takes is one two people showing up who take issue with you in order for you to get pushed out due to hostility (cis people aren't gonna defend you).
Don't really have access to it. Was frequenting a community space for over a year that I'd started to attend while working on overcoming agoraphobia.
Became inaccessible recently.
Kinda know that being stuck inside due to having nowhere safe to go where I can be around other people is a breeding ground for the likes of agoraphobia to return.
I talked to the likes of the Rainbow Project about alternatives but they had no suggestions.
Feel lost. Totally lost.
I was using a local queer writing group as a way of having a social aspect to writing and this also held me to account because we'd set challenges and sorta motivate each other. Was also a good place for feedback.
However said group isn't accessible anymore and as a result I don’t really have any ways of like, engaging with other writers actively. It was also a useful tool to actually get me to sit down and write because we'd hold writing sessions.
I don't know what to replace it with. Reddit doesn't exactly have the same semblance of community as you kinda just post threads and hope for replies rather than having an active flow of regular conversation.
There are no other irl groups I can find that are accessible. The only other ones around are for teens or uni students. Did ask around and even spoke to a local queer group.
Did initially try posting this elsewhere only to have cis people tell me "It's only mean people online!" when talking about transphobia.
Feel an actual trans subreddit is a better shout.
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I'm terrified. And being brutally honest, understandably so.
This country hates me as much as it loves beans on toast, Top Gear (prior to 2015) and football **combined**.
Been looking into leaving because I know the chances of survival are slim and get worse as time goes on so I ran the numbers
I looked at my budget. I looked at the cost of leaving. I looked at the cost of living elsewhere.
Long and short, I can't get out unless someone from another country **helps** me leave.
Even ROI, which would be easy to move to on paper, has a comically high cost of living (worse than here, tbh). No way of surviving there unless you share with someone else. And ROI has issues of it's own regarding being trans, including that the poison from the UK has spread there.
I can still travel around the EU due to an Irish passport but I already struggle with communication at the best of times (neurodivergance), let alone learning a new language from scratch at 30.
If I stay in the UK, I'll die here.
And it won't be of old age.
Hate crime or dying in a male prison or healthcare discrimination grow in probability every year. And people have tried to end me before.
Cancer runs in the family but I literally don't have access to a doctor and haven't in years. So if I was to develop cancer, it's a death sentence. The only small comfort is that most likely it'll be breast cancer and I can die laughing about dying of a "woman's cancer" (yes, I know breast cancer affects everyone but it's seen, even by "healthcare professionals" as a *woman's cancer*).
The ironic thing is that pre-transition I didn't care if I lived or died.
In fact, I wanted to go.
Now I'm scared of dying but confronted with the fact I'm going to die because this stinking shitpile excuse for a country just hates me that goddamn much. And I'm angry and I'm tried and I wanted to grow old but I'm aware I can't.
If I die as a result of how this place views me, forget a burial. Just dump my body on the steps of parliament.
I'm terrified. And being brutally honest, understandably so.
This country hates me as much as it loves beans on toast, Top Gear (prior to 2015) and football combined.
Been looking into leaving because I know the chances of survival are slim and get worse as time goes on so I ran the numbers
I looked at my budget. I looked at the cost of leaving. I looked at the cost of living elsewhere.
Long and short, I can't get out unless someone from another country helps me leave.
Even ROI, which would be easy to move to on paper, has a comically high cost of living (worse than here, tbh). No way of surviving there unless you share with someone else. And ROI has issues of it's own regarding being trans, including that the poison from the UK has spread there.
I can still travel around the EU due to an Irish passport but I already struggle with communication at the best of times (neurodivergance), let alone learning a new language from scratch at 30.
If I stay in the UK, I'll die here.
And it won't be of old age.
Hate crime or dying in a male prison or healthcare discrimination grow in probability every year. And people have tried to end me before.
Cancer runs in the family but I literally don't have access to a doctor and haven't in years. So if I was to develop cancer, it's a death sentence. The only small comfort is that most likely it'll be breast cancer and I can die laughing about dying of a "woman's cancer" (yes, I know breast cancer affects everyone but it's seen, even by "healthcare professionals" as a woman's cancer).
The ironic thing is that pre-transition I didn't care if I lived or died.
In fact, I wanted to go.
Now I'm scared of dying but confronted with the fact I'm going to die because this stinking shitpile excuse for a country just hates me that goddamn much. And I'm angry and I'm tried and I wanted to grow old but I'm aware I can't.
If I die as a result of how this place views me, forget a burial. Just dump my body on the steps of parliament.
Even in the USA, this was blocked by courts.
Thinking I should just leave this wretched excuse for a country at this point. This place gets worse daily.
So, I tend to go get my eyebrows done or something along those lines when I'm in need of a "pick me up"
Get hate crimed? Get a beauty treatment done. Sounds a little silly, but it's a way of focusing your attention away from the awful thing that happened and onto something else.
Something bad happens → Make a visible change → Have something new to focus on → Feel like you're moving forward instead of being stuck in the bad thing.
The feeling that after something painful, there was a concrete action I could take that changed something about my appearance and gave my mind a new focal point.
It doesn’t make the hate crime go away, but it's no longer at the forefront of your mind.
I handle bad things happening through redirection. I find that talking about them or journaling doesn't work because:
A) I don’t have access to support.
B) Journaling just makes me ruminate to the moon and back.
But, because of how nasty people are, something like a damn beauty treatment is hard to come by.
Given the worry of botched jobs, I only go to places if other trans people can say that they're actually safe and well, good.
Folks will just ruin you on purpose if they don't like your identity, as I've learned on many, many occasions. Haircuts being the most blatant example.
You don’t have the luxury of just going *anywhere* because of how rampant things are.
It's a policy I have with everything now a days.
Everything from venues to social groups.
Too many bad experiences to trust the words of random cis people that a place is friendly unless it's a case of "My friend/partner/family member is trans and had a good time."
Shit is too bad out there to ultimately leave things to chance.
The place I'd been attending for eyebrow treatments since last year when the place I used to attend stopped offering that service, which I was only attending after a place I was previously attending closed down outright, the trusted person I always went with who was a big ally to trans people has left.
The problem is that other trans people weren't recommending the place she worked at. They were recommending **her** specifically.
And even if not available to take appointments herself, she was the manager, and if someone was say, acting a bollocks she would've dealt with it. So you felt safe. No risk of a botched job.
I called a local queer charity (Rainbow Project) to ask for alternatives. No dice. Also asked in two local trans Discord servers. No dice on that end, either.
Tried asking other trans people on reddit. Mass downvoted, so I deleted the thread. Guess they really hated the idea of eyebrows for some reason, lol.
I feel out of sorts because a person I went to for the service that felt safe and cosy and friendly isn't available anymore and there is no alternative whatsoever I can find, so it's not something I'll ever be able to do again.
Like I said, this was effectively how I dealt with awful things happening to me.
In a way, beauty treatments were my own form of therapy. And now that's lost to me forever due to a lack of an alternative.
Something really bad happened last week. And we're also approaching the anniversary of something truly awful.
This is one of those times I'd "fix" things by booking myself in, but I can't do that anymore. Nor will I be able to do it again.
I'm sorta just stuck now.