At first, I thought saying yes to everything would make me grow.
It took me a long time to realise that saying yes to everything also meant saying no to me.
What was the trigger for you to start setting boundaries at work?
I always tell myself I will workout after work
By the time I usually get home I'm hungry and tired and just want to sit down for a while. Then before I know it the day is over and I tell myself I will start tomorrow
I wonder how other people do it with a full time job
Do you have a routine that keeps you active or just fit it in whenever you can?
When I first started working I felt like I had to say something in every meeting.
I was afraid to be quiet because people would think I wasn’t paying attention or didn’t know what I was doing.
I noticed after a while that the people I respected the most didn’t talk the most. They listened, asked good questions and spoke when they had something to add.
It took some time for me to realise that listening can be more impressive than always talking.
What is something you did at work that you don’t do anymore?
When I began I wanted to make everybody happy.
I'd say yes as often as I could, avoid disagreement and do my best to help.
Eventually, I learned that no matter how much you try, there will always be someone who disagrees with your decisions or expectations. That was a tough lesson to learn, but it took a lot of the pressure off work.
Reflecting back, when did you find out you couldn’t please everyone at work?
I remember being so excited when I started working.
Over time, that feeling slowly changed. It wasn't because of a bad day. It was a small experience that completely changed the way I looked at work.
I continued working after that, but I never looked at work the same way again.
Looking back, what was that moment for you?
I have noticed that trust in the workplace is not usually broken by a single mistake.
Most people can accept that no one can be right all the time.
What makes a bigger difference is how a person reacts afterward. Some people admit their mistakes, while others avoid them or pretend like nothing happened.
Looking back, what made you lose trust in a manager?
When I hear about people talking about poor working environments, it's usually due to one of these two things so I'm curious to hear what people think is more detrimental.
When I first started working, there were things I was worried about almost every day.
But as time went on, I found some of those worries were not as important as I had thought.
Experience changed my view more than any advice ever could.
What's something you used to worry about at work that you don't worry about anymore?
I have always tried to keep my work and personal feelings separate, but recently after a disagreement I have started avoiding a co-worker.
We work well together, but now every conversation feels awkward. I don't want one incident to change my perception of my job, but the situation is more difficult than I thought.
I'm not sure if I should try to fix this misunderstanding, or just wait it out.
Have you ever been in a situation like this? What solution worked for you?
I have been noticing lately that whenever I'm given extra work, it just ends up on my desk.
Part of me thinks, trust me, it's my manager's fault. Another part thinks, maybe I don't say "no" enough.
I don't mind helping out, but I'm starting to question where the line is between being reliable and taking on extra responsibility.
Has anyone else had this experience? How do you make this distinction?
I don't think it's because of one bad day.
It was me seeing the same problems over and over, and nothing ever changing. As time went by people stopped speaking up, expecting the same result.
What signs did you see that made you feel your company no longer cared about its employees?
Every workplace has that one thing everyone always complains about, but after a while, they stop questioning it.
Maybe it’s pointless meetings. Maybe it's the slow approval processes. Maybe it’s being expected to do extra work with no one noticing.
Eventually people stop asking why and accept it as part of the job.
What was a workplace issue that everyone pretended was normal that never should have been?
People tend to remember bad managers but I have also worked with a few who made a good impression by doing simple things.
Nothing to write home about. Sometimes it was listening before deciding, or admitting a mistake, or giving credit where credit was due.
Little things like that can totally change people's feelings about where they work.
What was a small thing that a manager did that you respected?
Every workplace seems to have at least one process that slows everything down.
For me, it's usually unnecessary meetings or waiting for approvals. What's the biggest time-waster where you work, and has your team found a way to improve it?
It is hard to earn respect, and easy to lose it.
In my experience, one mistake rarely takes it away. It often follows seeing the same problems going on and on: broken promises, unfair treatment, poor leadership or different rules for different people.
Respect lost is hard to get back.
What made you disrespect your workplace?
When I began working, I honestly believed that if I worked hard, the rest would take care of itself.
I stuck around late for a time, volunteered for extra work and tried to do more than the expected amount.
Then I began to see that people weren’t always rewarded for effort.
Sometimes it was about being seen. They did, sometimes. Those who did the least sometimes moved ahead the fastest.
That’s not to say that hard work isn’t valuable.
It just made me think that doing a good job and getting credit for it aren’t always the same thing.
In retrospect, what made you realise hard work was not enough?
I have worked for a few years and I have seen that there are parts of workplace culture that people do without being authentically interested.
It could be long meetings, team-building exercises, company slogans or discussions everyone sits through politely.
Most people still join in because they want to be supportive, professional or simply don’t want to stand out.
There's nothing wrong with that. Just made me wonder how common it really is.
What’s something at work that you see people saying one thing about publicly but privately they feel very differently?
I have been working for a while now and have learned that hiring good employees is only half the battle.
Some companies feel reliable people always remain. They stop checking in, they stop asking for feedback, and they keep piling on more responsibilities because they know the work will get done.
Everything is good until one day that employee leaves.
Only then do people realise how much work they were putting in behind the scenes.
In my experience the loss of good employees usually starts a long time before they actually hand in their resignation.
What’s the biggest mistake companies make after hiring good people?
I have been working for a while now, and in hindsight, toxic workplaces don’t typically become toxic overnight.
It usually begins with the small stuff.
People don’t speak honestly in meetings. Good employees begin to leave one by one. Promises are quietly broken. It gets harder to get hold of managers. “Everyone is busy, but the morale keeps dropping.
These things don't seem like such a big deal when it's happening.
Later they become the warning signs no one listened to.
Looking back, what was the first indication that your work was going in the wrong direction?
I have been working for a while and I’ve seen new employees make the same mistake.
They believe that working harder is the same as working smarter. They raise their hand for everything. They say yes to everything. They try to prove themselves as fast as they can.
Sometimes that is the way.
Sometimes it just becomes more work being the expectation, not the exception.
Most people only discover this after they’ve been in the job for months.
What was your biggest mistake when you first started a job that you would not do again today?