r/abandonment

New to this subreddit but seems like a good place to ask for advice on how to get my out of my head for a particular situation. Quick background, I was with my ex for 9 years, then (what I felt was) quite randomly he broke up with me and left me, literally left the house and I never really saw him again. It was a harrowing experience. I didn’t have any family around as I was living in his country. I found out several months later from other people that he had been cheating on me for many years prior. Anyway, I worked through some of it with a therapist but I’ve since moved back home and all that change has made me begin processing it again. I also met someone and we are in a very loving relationship, but I am displaying some pretty frustrating and horrible symptoms of abandonment issues. During my depression and all the change, my partner has been so supportive and now he has gone away for four weeks, I feel bereft. Which is ridiculous because he is coming back and it’s not long at all, but I can barely communicate with him while he’s away. I feel like he’s fully left me, which is ridiculous but it’s just how my brain is reacting. I’ve probably become over reliant on his support and now I feel like I’ve been left in the lurch. How on earth do I act like a normal adult? I think it must be down to the depression I’m experiencing, but I am trying to keep busy, have increased my meds, and I am trying really hard to communicate (replying to texts, asking how his day is, telling him when I’m not feeling able to talk properly). But I know I’m disproportionately responding to him leaving and I don’t know how to stop doing it. Thanks for any advice/if anyone has been through the same.

I’m just now, after one year, realizing that what happened to me wasn’t a normal break up. I dated someone for 3.5 and was deeply in love with them. Our relationship had some issues but overall it was very supportive and connected. We are two queer people and we were each other’s family. and we always said we’d be there for each other no matter what, even if we broke up. we said we would share the cat we got together.

over a 2 month period, because we lived together, they broke up with me, we moved out, and I never heard from them again. The reasons they gave me for the break up still don’t make sense. I feel like I was ghosted after 3.5 years by the love of my life.

I’m looking for some encouragement. If anyone is comfortable sharing comparable abandonment stories, it would really be helpful for me to know that I’m not alone and anyone else has dealt with something similar and got through it. How long did it take you? This has truly been the worst year of my life. And sometimes I feel like I’ll never get over this.

Men are practical-minded, and I admire that. But since we all share this world, I believe that if men understand that along with being practical, it’s also necessary to be emotional, it can make relationships much more peaceful.

I’m wondering if anyone else experiences something like this, because I don’t even know if limerence is the right word for it.

For me, it isn’t necessarily obsessing over someone because I want them back or because I’m romantically attached to them. Sometimes it’s almost the opposite. I can become hyperfocused on people who hurt me, betrayed me, discarded me, misunderstood me, or completely changed the narrative about who I was to them.

I’ll replay what happened, what they said, what I should’ve said, whether they ever think about it, whether they feel guilty, how they could do what they did after everything that happened between us, etc. It’s especially bad when I feel like I never got closure or the other person got to walk away believing their version of events while I was left carrying all of the emotional aftermath.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that one situation can trigger a whole chain of old ones. Something can happen with one person in the present, and suddenly my brain is connecting it to a friendship betrayal from months ago, something a family member did, an old relationship, another time I felt abandoned or misunderstood, and now I’m emotionally reacting to what feels like ten different situations at once. My brain still wants to understand why. Why did they do that? How could they not feel bad? Do they ever think about what happened? Did I actually matter to them? Was I the problem? How could someone know me that closely and then seemingly erase me?

It almost feels like my brain is trying to solve the betrayal so it can finally put it down, except there’s no answer that actually satisfies it, so I keep circling back.

I have CPTSD, so I’m wondering whether this is something other people experience too—especially the hyperfocus on injustice/betrayal and the way one trigger seems to pull up an entire network of similar memories.

Hi folks looking for some advice. So when I was 21 I lived happily with my parents I was engaged but we both stayed with parents.
My mum and dad decided to by a pub in tenerife and I was the last to know they were moving. I have two sisters who are a lot older and one of them was selling there house 35miles away to move into my parents big house so she could run my parents business that they have back home. My sister her man and daughter.
Well once my parents moved to Tenerife I was staying in the house with my sister and she was making life very difficult and to be honest she didn’t want me there. So out of desperation I bought a house with my fiancee. Six months after moving in together we split up after six years. I clearly wasn’t ready to move in with her.
My parents lived in Tenerife for ten years then came home and sold up over there.
Now i started doing cocaine a few months after the time they moved and i feel as though i have Abandonment issues and that i never really had guidance through those 21 to 31 years growing up. I struggle with trust from my wife even though she’s the most trustworthy person I know. Could this all be linked to not having them around.