r/abandonment

I think the title explains it but I guess to expand on it

I grew up with an emotional abusive and negligent parent. I overall have a lot of issues from it still despite being out of that relationship for a while now.

I generally don’t get very close to people because I know I have these issues. O have a lot of friends but I make sure not to get too close.

but I do have one person who I am very close to. I consider them a parental figure. They helped me get out of my situation and deal with the aftermath. they do their best to be there for me when I need support.

throughout the past year or so something has happened about 2 or 3 times.

tge first time was when they offered to do something for me, related to college paperwork so that I didn’t have to contact my parent. my brain kind of freaked out at the thought that they were fully willing to go out of their way to do something to help me like that. it also scared me that they were doing something my parents weren’t willing to do and had constantly given me crap for needing them to do. here’s this person just… doing it because they care about me?

what happened after that was I somehow convinced myself they were upset with me and were not going to talk to me anymore. how I jumped from that to that was inexplicable but it happened. I ended up reacting to this because well I thought it was over…

but then they didn't get upset, just told me they understood that I was scared and would give me the space to feel comfortable with them. I realized what I had done I felt terrible but they just moved on from it like nothing happened.

it happened again recently. this time I kind of hit a breaking point with some they were unintentionally doing that was causing me some trauma related issues and so I brought it up to them. instead of getting upset they just apologized and said they would try to do better… I guess after that I don’t even know what the exact thought in my head was I totally went off and actually threatened to not talk to them again if they didn’t so something that I had said at some point in that rant… I don’t even know how we got there. I have no idea what happened. cry😭

thry responded to that by saying that they would do what they could but that I was being irrational (said a lot more gently than that but essentially that was it).

I then of course realized that I was asshole, and felt terrible, again.

they also asked me if I was trying to push them away and I admitted that yeah I was. I don’t even know why 😭 I don’t know why I have to push them away, I know if I need the space to figure out stuff in my own brain they would gladly give it to me…

I don’t deserve this amount of patience for being such a jerk to them and I have no idea how to stop doing this.

someone please help me 😭