r/abandonment

Hello all! I’m 26F and I have your pretty textbook abandonment issues. I panic when someone changes their tone with me, I panic when someone flakes on me, I always think everyone’s secretly mad at me or hates me, you get the point.

My really close friend and I have each others locations. We usually talk everyday but This past week and some change we’ve kinda been playing phone tag because I’ve been super busy. She called me today at the worst time ever (as I was walking into work) and I had to let the call go to voicemail unfortunately. When I got settled at my station I texted her to let her know I’d call her in the morning when I got off.

That’s when I noticed that her location tag under her contact name had disappeared. I tried not to panic because I have an older shittier phone so sometimes it does glitch and it doesn’t show you unless you actually click on the persons name. I did that and her location map was gone. I felt my stomach drop.

Then I went over to my “find my” app so I could see better and sure enough it said “can see your location” meaning she turned it off. I’ve been spiraling ever since. I understand that I’m not entitled to anyone’s location but Why would she randomly shut her location off? We’ve had it for years? I’m really starting to panic and spiral with all the possibilities. What’s even worse is that I’m at work so I can’t even fully process it because I have to do my job. I’m still going to call her in the morning but in the meantime I’m really really anxious.

Any advice? How do you keep yourself from spiraling in these situations?

TLDR: Would most people be hurt being left out of get togethers with boyfriend’s friends after a year together or is it my abandonment issues?

My boyfriend (55M) and me (43F) have been together for just over a year. We’ve known each other for 10 years. He’s been divorced about a year and separated for almost 2. He has some great friends who he consistently sees. Everyone’s kids play together and they’re all always invited to in-home events and often go out to breweries with all the kids for an evening and hang out. I’ve met all of these people at least 4 times, some up to 6-8 times. They’ve met my kids. We all trick or treated together. There have been several dinners or football games at homes where I was not invited. I’d see photos later and my boyfriend is literally the only single person in a group of couples in some of them. One couple and their kids are moving out of state next week. One of the friends, we’ll call her A, is hosting a last minute going away party in her home on the day we made plans to get the kids together and go do some fun things. I am not invited. A even joined us a few days ago, with her boyfriend in tow, for a night out I invited her to with my friends. I’ve been to dinner with all 4 of these people and my boyfriend. Today on the phone he said something like “I’ve mentioned you and I have plans that day to see, you know, if she’ll say y’all should come…”

My question is: Would most people feel hurt by this? Is this something worth mentioning? I have major abandonment issues (yes, I’m in therapy) and being left out is a huge trigger for me so it feels difficult to have a mentally healthy perspective. I’m spiraling about how they all must dislike me or think I’m wrong for him or think I’m not good enough etc.