u/JustSimple101

I’m wondering if anyone else experiences something like this, because I don’t even know if limerence is the right word for it.

For me, it isn’t necessarily obsessing over someone because I want them back or because I’m romantically attached to them. Sometimes it’s almost the opposite. I can become hyperfocused on people who hurt me, betrayed me, discarded me, misunderstood me, or completely changed the narrative about who I was to them.

I’ll replay what happened, what they said, what I should’ve said, whether they ever think about it, whether they feel guilty, how they could do what they did after everything that happened between us, etc. It’s especially bad when I feel like I never got closure or the other person got to walk away believing their version of events while I was left carrying all of the emotional aftermath.

The other thing I’ve noticed is that one situation can trigger a whole chain of old ones. Something can happen with one person in the present, and suddenly my brain is connecting it to a friendship betrayal from months ago, something a family member did, an old relationship, another time I felt abandoned or misunderstood, and now I’m emotionally reacting to what feels like ten different situations at once. My brain still wants to understand why. Why did they do that? How could they not feel bad? Do they ever think about what happened? Did I actually matter to them? Was I the problem? How could someone know me that closely and then seemingly erase me?

It almost feels like my brain is trying to solve the betrayal so it can finally put it down, except there’s no answer that actually satisfies it, so I keep circling back.

I have CPTSD, so I’m wondering whether this is something other people experience too—especially the hyperfocus on injustice/betrayal and the way one trigger seems to pull up an entire network of similar memories.

A few years ago, my mom came back into my life after constant discarding and abuse to try and rebuild a relationship. During that time I was at the start of my career, I was leaving an abusive relationship, etc. she offered for my oldest to stay there for the school year and I temporarily allowed it because I was overwhelmed. She offered to help and I believed her when she promised it was only temporary until I got back to where I wanted to be. That whole time I was sending her money, in constant contact with her, driving back and forth 45 mins where she lived, etc. and When I finally told her I was ready for him to come home, instead of honoring what we agreed to, she filed petition after petition to keep him. It’s now been about three years of court, hearings, lawyers, and constantly defending myself as a mother.

One thing that has always bothered me is that she keeps telling people, “I don’t know why my daughter won’t talk to me,” or “She just refuses to speak to me,” while leaving out everything that happened before I went no contact.
She’ll send the occasional “Merry Christmas,” “Love you,” or “Wish we could talk” text, but never actually called me, knocked on my door, asked me to meet for lunch, or genuinely tried to repair the relationship. At the same time, she always seemed to have the energy to call agencies, file petitions, contact attorneys, or involve the court whenever it came to fighting me.

Yesterday, after court, I finally broke my silence.
I sent one very long message explaining why I don’t speak to her, how her actions affected me, how I’ve had to teach myself everything in adulthood, and how painful it is to hear her tell people that I’m simply a daughter who refuses to talk to her.

I woke up this morning to no response.

Part of me immediately started overthinking and wondering if I shouldn’t have sent it. Another part of me feels like I finally said everything I’d been holding in.

A few years ago, my mom came back into my life after constant discarding and abuse to try and rebuild a relationship. During that time I was at the start of my career, I was leaving an abusive relationship, etc. she offered for my oldest to stay there for the school year and I temporarily allowed it because I was overwhelmed. She offered to help and I believed her when she promised it was only temporary until I got back to where I wanted to be. That whole time I was sending her money, in constant contact with her, driving back and forth 45 mins where she lived, etc. and When I finally told her I was ready for him to come home, instead of honoring what we agreed to, she filed petition after petition to keep him. It’s now been about three years of court, hearings, lawyers, and constantly defending myself as a mother.

One thing that has always bothered me is that she keeps telling people, “I don’t know why my daughter won’t talk to me,” or “She just refuses to speak to me,” while leaving out everything that happened before I went no contact.
She’ll send the occasional “Merry Christmas,” “Love you,” or “Wish we could talk” text, but never actually called me, knocked on my door, asked me to meet for lunch, or genuinely tried to repair the relationship. At the same time, she always seemed to have the energy to call agencies, file petitions, contact attorneys, or involve the court whenever it came to fighting me.

Yesterday, after court, I finally broke my silence.
I sent one very long message explaining why I don’t speak to her, how her actions affected me, how I’ve had to teach myself everything in adulthood, and how painful it is to hear her tell people that I’m simply a daughter who refuses to talk to her.

I woke up this morning to no response.

Part of me immediately started overthinking and wondering if I shouldn’t have sent it. Another part of me feels like I finally said everything I’d been holding in.

A few years ago, my mom came back into my life after constant discarding and abuse to try and rebuild a relationship. During that time I was at the start of my career, I was leaving an abusive relationship, etc. she offered for my oldest to stay there for the school year and I temporarily allowed it because I was overwhelmed. She offered to help and I believed her when she promised it was only temporary until I got back to where I wanted to be. That whole time I was sending her money, in constant contact with her, driving back and forth 45 mins where she lived, etc. and When I finally told her I was ready for him to come home, instead of honoring what we agreed to, she filed petition after petition to keep him. It’s now been about three years of court, hearings, lawyers, and constantly defending myself as a mother.

One thing that has always bothered me is that she keeps telling people, “I don’t know why my daughter won’t talk to me,” or “She just refuses to speak to me,” while leaving out everything that happened before I went no contact.
She’ll send the occasional “Merry Christmas,” “Love you,” or “Wish we could talk” text, but never actually called me, knocked on my door, asked me to meet for lunch, or genuinely tried to repair the relationship. At the same time, she always seemed to have the energy to call agencies, file petitions, contact attorneys, or involve the court whenever it came to fighting me.

Yesterday, after court, I finally broke my silence.
I sent one very long message explaining why I don’t speak to her, how her actions affected me, how I’ve had to teach myself everything in adulthood, and how painful it is to hear her tell people that I’m simply a daughter who refuses to talk to her.

I woke up this morning to no response.

Part of me immediately started overthinking and wondering if I shouldn’t have sent it. Another part of me feels like I finally said everything I’d been holding in.

A few years ago, my mom came back into my life after constant discarding and abuse to try and rebuild a relationship. During that time I was at the start of my career, I was leaving an abusive relationship, etc. she offered for my oldest to stay there for the school year and I temporarily allowed it because I was overwhelmed. She offered to help and I believed her when she promised it was only temporary until I got back to where I wanted to be. That whole time I was sending her money, in constant contact with her, driving back and forth 45 mins where she lived, etc. and When I finally told her I was ready for him to come home, instead of honoring what we agreed to, she filed petition after petition to keep him. It’s now been about three years of court, hearings, lawyers, and constantly defending myself as a mother.

One thing that has always bothered me is that she keeps telling people, “I don’t know why my daughter won’t talk to me,” or “She just refuses to speak to me,” while leaving out everything that happened before I went no contact.
She’ll send the occasional “Merry Christmas,” “Love you,” or “Wish we could talk” text, but never actually called me, knocked on my door, asked me to meet for lunch, or genuinely tried to repair the relationship. At the same time, she always seemed to have the energy to call agencies, file petitions, contact attorneys, or involve the court whenever it came to fighting me.

Yesterday, after court, I finally broke my silence.
I sent one very long message explaining why I don’t speak to her, how her actions affected me, how I’ve had to teach myself everything in adulthood, and how painful it is to hear her tell people that I’m simply a daughter who refuses to talk to her.

I woke up this morning to no response.

Part of me immediately started overthinking and wondering if I shouldn’t have sent it. Another part of me feels like I finally said everything I’d been holding in.

I really need advice because I’m panicking.

I’m in New York, I’m a mom, and right now I’m on temporary unemployment from an injury, so money is extremely tight until I go back to work. My car insurance is over $630 a month because of my driving/insurance situation, and this is basically the only company that would even insure me right now.

This month I was behind, so I called customer service and was told that if I paid about $167 by May 8th, my policy would be extended and I’d be able to catch up later. I paid exactly what they told me.

Now I’m being told my policy is still canceling on Sunday anyway.

So now I’m freaking out because:

This is my only insurance option, I need my car to survive, I have kids, and I literally cannot afford to not be driving.

I don’t understand what happens next.

Do I have to pay the full overdue balance to reinstate it?

Will there be extra fees?

Can they reopen the same policy Monday?

How bad is a lapse in NY?

I also have family willing to help insure the car-but they live in Pennsylvania, so I don’t even know if being added to their insurance is possible.

I’m just trying to understand my real options because I feel completely overwhelmed and I cannot lose my ability to drive.