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hello, I'm a Gen Z woman, and honestly I've been recently seeing a worse trend in men in my generation.
I knew of a young Gen Z man who was looking online for prostitutes his age because he thought he'd never get a girlfriend or something, so he just went to prostitutes and had usually seen ones aged 30+, and was trying to find ones younger (in his age range, in their early 20s).
also, on the Gen Z subreddit, I literally came across a post from a young man arguing that most Gen Z women weren't attracted to men and that we just want rich men or something (some redpill BS/lingo), so that men should just pay for escorts instead.
these are just two cases, but that's not to mention how many Gen Z men are literally addicted to porn - I believe studies show upwards of 90-95% of Gen Z men being consumers of it.
But I can’t look at him the same way anymore. It shattered what I thought our love was. I know that probably sounds dramatic but I just needed a safe space to post about this. He told me he didn’t go through with it at the brothel in Amsterdam because it was “too expensive” which made it even more gross. I just feel sick and have been having panic attacks about this. I don’t even know who I’ve been in a relationship with.
My only other work history is restaurants, I've pretty much done this since I was 18. I pushed myself way too hard and really traumatized myself just from working too much and some bad stuff happening. I also got off drugs and I can't bring myself to work sober, I start freaking out and I'm so disgusted by it all. I've developed a really severe depression too. It feels like my brain is just broken after everything. I'm starting to come out of it a little bit but it still fucking sucks. I'm planning to kind of phone it in and take it easy until my lease ends and then shut the door on all of it idk if I can even make it till my lease ends though. I'm just like so psychologically messed up now like full on ptsd flashbacks and stuff AND IM STILL FUCKING BROKE TOO. I did it to pay for medical stuff I needed to have done and I still haven't gotten it and probs won't be able to make up for that money now.
Anyway, I'm just hoping this isn't a forever thing. I miss being grounded and able to look at myself in the mirror and go outside. It feels like I'm so disgusted with myself that it's permeated throughout my whole life as insecurity. Not even in like a moral sense and I don't think it's inherent obviously but I think why it makes me hate myself so much is that I betrayed my values so deeply and harmed myself so badly psychologically for what's essentially greed and laziness. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself it's just genuinely so disgusting I just have no idea how else to make money. It sucks too because before all of this I was in a really good spot and had built up a lot of self esteem just to now my life has turned into an absolute fucking dumpster fire. I think I can see visions of a better future for myself but I also think about ending things a lot too so idk. It just feels like I've created this hell for myself and I'm stuck until my lease ends. My life feels like a game of twister with drugs and bad financial decisions.
Right now I'm planning to move back in with my parents, I might go to rehab if my perpetual freakout gets any worse too but idrk. I'll probably start bartending, maybe go back to college or something. Low key anything is better than this lol.