u/OceanEyedDreams

But I can’t look at him the same way anymore. It shattered what I thought our love was. I know that probably sounds dramatic but I just needed a safe space to post about this. He told me he didn’t go through with it at the brothel in Amsterdam because it was “too expensive” which made it even more gross. I just feel sick and have been having panic attacks about this. I don’t even know who I’ve been in a relationship with.

I recently found out my boyfriend went to a brothel a few years ago and also used to regularly go to strip clubs. He claims he didn’t actually “go through with it” at the brothel because it was “too expensive” but honestly I can’t get it out of my head. I do not have it out for sex workers themselves to be clear, but I am very anti-buying women’s bodies and don’t believe consent can be bought. The brothel he went to was in Amsterdam and the majority of my disgust comes from the fact that you can never know if a woman was trafficked or not.

These events are also made worse by the fact that he ironically has a very big issue with me wearing “revealing” clothes to go out to a club. I just feel like there is a lot of misogyny going on here.

I spoke to him about my concerns around the incidents from the past and he argued with me relentlessly about it and defended those decisions to no end. He then tried to back track and say I was right. My head has just been spinning and I don’t know how to get over these things.

Anyway, sorry to all for the vent but I had to get this out somewhere.

Hey everyone,

I recently went on a trip with my boyfriend and one of the nights I drank too much and was overly tired and got triggered by something he had said about my body, so I started packing up my stuff and crying and saying I was going to get a flight home that night.

I want to clarify my behavior was NOT even remotely okay and I take/took full responsibility and felt just horrible about it, and still do. I know I need to stop drinking and should have used skills to calm down before escalating like that.

I apologized profusely and continued to do so the following morning. He accepted my apology but I still felt awful and evil.

We decided to go visit a really pretty park and on the way there he stopped to get seltzers for us. I really didn’t want to drink after the previous night but he said I should do it to fix my mood and that it was my “punishment” and I couldn’t have water until after I finished it. I’m pretty sure he was joking though? I don’t know?

I finished it anyway because I was trying to do whatever to make things okay. When we got back in the car I was struggling to find the seatbelt because it was a rental and he started driving really fast and then slammed on the brakes knowing I didn’t have my seatbelt on. My wrist slammed into the front and hurt a lot from trying to brace myself.

He passed these things off as joking or messing with me but they didn’t feel that way? I felt like he really wanted to punish me somehow for the night before?

Am I crazy? Maybe I deserve it..I don’t know. I’m sorry for the long post