r/bostonDating

Okay hear me out. This is a RANT!
I am on dating apps. I get matches. We talk. We will have good conversations via texting. We laugh.
Either I or the person I am talking to (F), will call for a date offline. Which makes sense.

We meet. We laugh. We chat. Exchange about what’s happenings in each of our lives. At the end after the drinks or dinner, I proceed further in paying for the date, and in my experience - only 2 women so far have initiated to pay or want to split the bill.

Rest all, I don’t know what they think.. but they don’t even bother looking at the bill.

A man who is investing time, energy, travel to the place near to her and spending money too - just ends up ghosted after the date. There were a few who were kind enough to text me saying they are looking for something else and don’t wanna spend wasting each other’s time.

Even I texted a few folks, after the date, that I couldn’t see my future there. Even in the cases when I have initiated the date and called it off as I don’t see myself in that relationship , I paid for the dinners.

Almost every date costed me $50-70 at a minimum.
Which I am okay with, but for how long?
I don’t know.

Sometimes I feel like - am I just spending money for finding that one real person who is going to be my wife? I want to invest. But if the connection is established and is real. I go all in for her.

But just to find out it feels tiring!!!

How is everyone managing here? Especially the men who are actively looking for a genuine relationship!!

Do you feel tired about this?
And where do you go for the first date? And how much do you spend every time?

Really appreciate your inputs here!!!

I’m a 33 year old doctor who is vegan for the animals.

I do not want biological children, but I still like kids, and if you have them, that’s cool. Adoption would be fine. Childfree/DINKWAD is also great.

If you’re still interested after that, I’m also kinda straight edge. I don’t drink, smoke, or use any drugs. I will gladly go to a bar though and get the NA option because I still like the atmosphere, but I’ve seen too much to want to drink it myself.

I’m allergic to cats. I like them, but couldn’t really live with one. I am obsessed with dogs and would love to have one or five at some point.

If you’re still here, yay!
Unless you voted for Trump.
In that case, now is the time to exit if the child-free vegan thing didn’t already do it for you. It only gets worse.

I’m 5’2”-3” (3 when I’ve been good about going to hot yoga). Brunette. My mom thinks I’m pretty.

While I’m vegan, it’s for the animals. I’m not anal about my health, so if it’s vegan, I’ll eat it. That said, I try to keep moderately healthy, mostly so I don’t feel guilty when I tell other people to eat healthily and exercise.

I was raised Jew-ish, but I’m atheist, so secular Jew I guess. I’m a doctor and good with my finances. I’ve been told I’m funny. I like a good debate, but let’s not mistake that with arguing. (I actually tend to be an easy going, problem-solving, diplomatic person. But I like logic, and I want to get to the best idea). I love a deal and tend to be fairly frugal. I didn’t actually have a bat mitzvah though, so I probably don’t really count, depending on who you ask.

Politically progressive, but I can separate what a country’s government is doing from the country. For example, fuck Trump, fuck Netanyahu and their policies, but sure, the US and Israel can continue to exist. Some might think that makes me a Zionist, but I think a country continuing to exist sounds reasonable. I disagree with the means to that end, but I don’t have the answer as to what should happen instead. The whole thing is tragic. I don’t know how to label myself, but I’m throwing out my actual belief, because I’m sure it’s a dealbreaker on either end for some.

As for a relationship, monogamy is definitely my thing. If we’re going to live together at some point, I don’t want non-vegan food in the house, just as I would not want to smell smoke in my house. I can ignore what I don’t know about food-wise (ie if someone ate it outside the house, and I didn’t see/smell/taste it ever - same goes for weed, I could live with that).

I hate astrology. I test as ENTP/INFJ, but that stuff also has its issues. Take it as you will.

I like to travel, and my schedule allows for it every other week, which is nice. I speak 3-4 languages.

I have my own hobbies and friends, and I hope you have yours. I’m not going to make you come dancing or do yoga, and I hope that flows the same direction. I’m not going to become a runner, but I will cheer for you on the sidelines at a race. People don’t need to do all the same things in order to be compatible.

I’m a medium texter. I don’t text at work, which is all day until I get home. It doesn’t mean I’m not interested. When I’m interested, I do my best to hang out in person. My love languages are quality time, physical touch, and acts of service. Tbh receiving words of affirmation and receiving gifts makes me feel weird.

If you got this far, I would love to meet for coffee and go on a walk or something else low stakes!