My adopted younger brother has FASD, he is about to be 16. The doctors warned my parents early on that the teens would be the worst years, and boy were they right. Looking for advice from Adults with FASD how to best support him. Biggest issues are impulse control and like just doing crazy things a “normal” person would never ever think of doing.
Hi
I have recently learned about FAS/FASD and I am interested to know two things:
How much did your mother claim to have drank in pregnancy
How do you know you don’t have like, ADHD or Aspergers etc? Presumably if your mother’s denied drinking alcohol then you wouldn’t be diagnosed with FAS but another neurological disorder?
Hello, I’m 28F (almost 29). I don’t know how common my situation is. My dad (68M) has always had a whole slew of mental health conditions that it just doesn’t seem possible for one person to have: ADHD, developmental coordination disorder, sensory processing disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, anxiety, depression, OCD, and possibly other stuff. He was a very volatile man. He could never hold down a job. He would abuse pain killers every so often. He was an intelligent man but everything else was out the window. Yes, he was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and my mom (she divorced him when I was 12-13-years-old). He would be absent from home for a long period of time. Eventually, my mom told me that his mother did admit to drinking while pregnant with him because they “didn’t know better” then. I myself have ADHD, developmental coordination disorder, sensory processing disorder, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. My mom didn’t do anything harmful while pregnant with me, no alcohol, no drugs. She’s never been a drinker. I don’t know if my paternal grandmother damaged the DNA or if my proneness to mental illness is just intergenerational trauma from my father trying to raise me when he had unmet needs himself. He was always trying to pretend to be normal but the spoon would always drop at the least expected times. I feel bad for him but I know that I am better off without contact with him.
Hi all,
I posted recently about my stepdaughter with FASD and the meltdowns she had at our house recently. She ended up staying at our house again this past weekend, and it was so heartbreakingly difficult for all of us. I’m not really looking for advice, I just could use some support.
Let me preface by saying that I know she doesn’t have meltdowns like this because she hates us or that she’s doing anything out of spite. I know this isn’t about us. I understand that 3 weekends in a row away from her mom is A LOT, especially since we live 3-4 hours away.
However, to say this past weekend was tough would be an understatement. Actually, it was hands down the worst weekend we’ve ever experienced with her. She had a complete meltdown the ENTIRE weekend. I am not exaggerating when I say that she cried morning, noon, and night for nearly 4 days straight because she wanted to go home. She would wake up and cry. She told me over and over to take her home. We got nothing done because she cried and didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere. She cried when she woke up from a nap. She refused to eat. She refused to play. She just repeated herself over and over and over and over that she wanted us to take her home. She called my fiance by her stepdad’s name, something she’s never done before.
The worst of her meltdowns happened on her last day. She was asking to put on her shoes to leave, asking what time it was every 5 seconds so we could leave. I told her that if she took a quick nap, I’d wake her up and she’d be on her way. She responded by throwing herself onto her bed and screaming out in agony, flailing and kicking her feet. I’ve never seen or heard anything like it. She sounded like a dying animal.
I am trying to be patient, to be empathetic, to understand that being at our house was too much for her and that she desperately missed her mom. But it still hurt. It hurt to see her in that much distress. It hurt to see my fiance so upset. It hurt for everyone. She wasn’t like this before she started her medication, and now any slight change to her routine throws her off completely. I guess I just wasn’t prepared for her to spend 3 weekends in a row getting worse and worse. She became unrecognizable. It was so hard to watch.
I’m trying to remember that this is just how her brain works. I’m trying to adjust my expectations, even though she was a happy kid 4 months ago. I’m sad because we don’t think she will be able to come to our wedding in a few weeks since it is in a new place and she will be around people she doesn’t know. She had a meltdown at my bridal shower, so I can’t imagine what a new place will do to her. Of course we want her there to celebrate, but if it is only going to cause her great discomfort and stress, then I don’t see the point in putting her through that. No picture is worth watching her in agony for my own sake. The reality of that makes me so sad, but we need to consider the fact that now that she’s getting older, being away from her routine and her mom is very destabilizing for her. If she doesn’t want to come to our house, then I don’t see the point in forcing her and making everyone miserable.
My fiance and I are at a loss and deeply sad by our inability to console her. We’re so exhausted. I want to give her the best life I can, but the custody arrangement and the distance means that it will always be a struggle. It is what is is.
I love that little girl so much, and I’m just sad by the reality of the situation. Maybe things will be different if she comes over in a few weeks or month, but I’m trying to be realistic. Her mom wants us to have her every other weekend again, but given the circumstances, that is not going to work, especially since my fiance is going to be working Sundays again, and I don’t want to alone with her til 6pm getting screamed at to take her home. That’s not fair to her or us.
I don’t know what to do or where to go from here. I knew from everything I’ve read that her emotional outbursts would get worse with time, but I guess I wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon.
We’re going to do what we can to just keep moving forward, but it’s hard.
Any kind words would be so appreciated. ❤️
So I have fas, I don't have any physical health issues from it, I only deal with the brain part of fas. I am 18F, quite functional in society aside from not understanding things extremely often. I have been reading about fas and searched up the life expectancy and it was 34. This has scared me immensely even though I do not suffer from any physical health issues related to fas. Will I be ok? I need harsh truth
Hi all!
I am about to become a stepmom to a very wonderful and sweet little girl who has FASD. She is 9 and has recently been having MANY issues with mental breakdowns, particularly around not getting her way.
A little background:
-Mom had her young and didn’t know she was pregnant and drank often/went on roller coasters during her pregnancy and did not receive any prenatal care
-Stepdaughter lives out of state with mom (~4 hours away), so we don’t get to see her much except for planned weekends
-She struggles with memory the most, as she is unable to get any color except for her favorite color (pink) correctly
-Her school said she is making zero progress in learning, so her mom got her on 100mg of Quelbree, which she’s been on since March of this year
She is a very sweet girl, and I love her to death, but she has recently been getting very out of control, and I believe this medication is causing her to become aggressive and withdrawn.
A few things that have been happening ever since she’s been on medication:
-Intense irritability
-2+ hour meltdowns when being told no, especially if we are out in public, and she will cry and scream that she wants to go home until we do
-Saying “no” to everything she’s told to do. For example, she had a 30 min meltdown after she was told to brush her teeth. She had a 2 hour meltdown after being told to wait before she started to eat.
-Extreme mood swings with random crying out of nowhere, but obviously she doesn’t have the vocabulary to explain why she’s upset, so there’s no way to comfort her
-Becoming socially withdrawn when around others and will cling to only my partner and me
I’ve been trying to educate myself as much as possible about her condition, and while I understand that the emotional dysregulation would start happening, I guess I just wasn’t prepared for it to happen to suddenly. Her mom says to “just let her be the boss!” which is not something that’s going to fly in our household. There’s no way I’m letting a 9 year old run my house. I do wonder if that might be contributing to her becoming more and more bossy every time we see her.
Her mom also says that she’s not going to switch her medication anytime soon, so I guess my question is: how can I best support her when she’s triggered? I’ve been trying to be mindful that shes mentally about the age of 3-4, so I’m trying to meet her where she’s at, cognitively speaking.
I know every kid is different, but does anyone have any advice or suggestions for navigating the meltdowns? As someone who also went back and forth between 2 houses, I understand that she’s always going to have some sense of instability when it comes to living in 2 places. I just want to help make her time away from her main home as comfortable as possible while also maintaining appropriate boundaries around her outbursts and defiance.
Any thoughts, words of encouragement, book recommendations, or anything else would be greatly appreciated. ❤️