Help Advice Needed : Ghanaian Men Struggling 1st year in America
Gail's spouse arrived 5 months ago and received a US Visa on the 20th of January, the last day the US Embassy issued them before the Pause.
Gail, attempted to prepare Kofi for life in America by setting him up with online courses in 2024 & 2025, along with the data, to enable him to pass his exams upon arriving in the US 2 years later.
Kofi was not truthfully about his progress with the coursework and that he needed a tutor or additional help; there was a lot of stalling and excuses. Upon receiving the visa in January, Gail asked the Kofi to just focus on his studies to sit for the exams. The hope was to sit and pass the exams before arriving in May, but that also didn't happen.
After arriving, Kofi was enrolled in 2 courses, 1 in the morning and 1 in the evening, to prep him for the same exams. He seemed to think class attendance and participation was enough to pass, sat for the exams overly confident, and was humbled after failing 5 times! He also was asked to read and know his new state's driver handbook, so he could sit for the driver knowledge permit exam. He failed 8 times. Each exam retake costs $$.
Kofi claims that since it's been 20 years since technical school grace should be given, and that in Ghana reading is seen or treated as a form of punishment. Mix this with constant over confidence and a huge ego, he seems to always be way off target about the effort and hustle necessary for the exams.
Gail asks Kofi all the time, if he doesn't want to attend college for 2 years to learn a trade and a degree, he can't find a job, what exactly does he expect to do here in America? How exactly does he plan to provide for his family back at home? Kofi never answers.
Another observation is that 3 of the Kofi's grown, mid 30s - 40s, friend's that married American wives have left or are leaving back to Ghana, abandoning their marriages and Green Cards. They say it's too much pressure and they are being disrespected. There just seems to be a lack of ambition and urgency but much entitlement with this batch of men.
Gail is just lost after the energy, worry, money and time put into getting Kofi here, that he is just flailing and not launching. Kofi also developed an addiction to his cellphone and spends hours on WhatsApp with calls all day from Ghana. Kofi seems to be resisting to adjusting to America and demands 3 cooked meals a day be served regardless of what she's doing or has planned; he also has to be begged several times to do any chores.
Gail has sent voice notes to certain family members hoping to motivate him into action; and it does, but temporarily. Should she try shaming him to his best friends instead of the family?
The economy here in America is suffering and Kofi doesn't seem to be worried about their money issues as Gail was laid off from work before he arrived.
When they have terrible arguments Kofi demands a ticket to Ghana. Has Gail not paid enough already?!
Gail has confirmed that there is no other woman waiting on him back home but a large family that is waiting for him to succeed as the 1st born oldest son. She also was not in the habit of sending the husband $$$$ outside of immigration based issues. And Kofi used to cook, hand wash and hang up clothes, on every trip the wife took to Ghana but now is very lazy with tidying up.
She is aware that marriage has hills and valleys but the husband is very, very stubborn and hard headed, which causes him to get in his own way and make costly mistakes, even though he was given guidance by his wife.
Kofi is allergic to accountability and doesn't want to own that his current position of having to work hard is because he had 2 years to do so and wasted that time living life and having fun.
Kofi has also admitted that as the 1st born son, he now realizes how spoiled he was in Ghana!
Sidebar : Why is Ghana not preparing folks for the realities of living in the West? Reading well, Typing 50 wpm, following up with answers and questions in conversations and business meetings, ability to accurately complete forms; all are essentials skills to functioning in the West
Any advice is welcomed for Gail and Kofi.