u/-Geist-_

I had a lot of meltdowns as a kid, but this was the 2000’s and to my family and teachers they were tantrums.
I’d have that overwhelm and mentally snap and scream and throw myself down and flail, or I’d spin in circles flapping my arms.

I wasn't violent but my mom would start yelling then often physically locked her arms around me like a straight jacket and held me down. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced in my life. The utter hopelessness and powerlessness, the humiliation of it, the power imbalance of the parent being in the right and me being bad because I was having a tantrum.

That was one of the worst feelings I've ever felt, when I was thrashing to get away, and she was locking my arms in place. I felt such distress and injustice, I just wanted to get away. I felt smothered by her and it disgusted me.

I also went to a middle school for autistic children . I still had the anger management issues and the meltdowns. That school used a lot of shame for reinforcement. I learned I was BAD and hated myself. The teacher would call these two big guys to come get me, and I’d bolt and they’d grab me and drag me to a carpeted room while I thrashed wanting them to get their hands off me. And those two guys would sit there and shame me. I wasn’t some innocent kid. Don’t get me wrong I was difficult and obnoxious. One time I threw a marble in class and then they came so fast and they grabbed me.

I I totally understand screaming, and hand flapping and flailing is a lot for people to deal with, i just wish somehow they would’ve calmed me down other ways. I had good teachers too that would just put me outside. That was the best thing for me just being put outside and then I’d calm down.

But I’m 29 now, I’ve really worked hard on emotional regulation and I’m on medication. But when I think back, I wonder why they so often restrained me. Like most of the time it’s not OK for an adult to restrain another adult. So why were they putting their hands on a kid like that? All they were doing was teaching me that it was OK for other people to steamroll me. And my meltdowns eventually stopped in middle school, but it stopped because I felt so ashamed by them that I just repressed all my emotions.

I think as an adult I have trauma from it. To this day if someone grabs me, like my ex boyfriend, it’s like my mind goes blank, and I start thrashing to get away from them.

Another thing that bothers me is my mother has bragged more than a few times about how when I was a baby, I wasn’t a huggy baby, and she literally cuddled me and basically forced me to hug her until I started liking the hugs. And that information makes me so uncomfortable, I felt like she should’ve just let me be a baby that wasn’t huggy. I wish people wouldn’t have put their hands on me so much.
I was never beaten don’t get me wrong, just spanked occasionally. I just have this huge hang up.

I had a lot of meltdowns as a kid, but this was the 2000’s and to my family and teachers they were tantrums.
I’d have that overwhelm and mentally snap and scream and throw myself down and flail, or I’d spin in circles flapping my arms.

I wasn't violent but my mom would start yelling then often physically locked her arms around me like a straight jacket and held me down. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced in my life. The utter hopelessness and powerlessness, the humiliation of it, the power imbalance of the parent being in the right and me being bad because I was having a tantrum.

That was one of the worst feelings I've ever felt, when I was thrashing to get away, and she was locking my arms in place. I felt such distress and injustice, I just wanted to get away. I felt smothered by her and it disgusted me.

I also went to a middle school for autistic children . I still had the anger management issues and the meltdowns. That school used a lot of shame for reinforcement. I learned I was BAD and hated myself. The teacher would call these two big guys to come get me, and I’d bolt and they’d grab me and drag me to a carpeted room while I thrashed wanting them to get their hands off me. And those two guys would sit there and shame me. I wasn’t some innocent kid. Don’t get me wrong I was difficult and obnoxious. One time I threw a marble in class and then they came so fast and they grabbed me.

I I totally understand screaming, and hand flapping and flailing is a lot for people to deal with, i just wish somehow they would’ve calmed me down other ways. I had good teachers too that would just put me outside. That was the best thing for me just being put outside and then I’d calm down.

But I’m 29 now, I’ve really worked hard on emotional regulation and I’m on medication. But when I think back, I wonder why they so often restrained me. Like most of the time it’s not OK for an adult to restrain another adult. So why were they putting their hands on a kid like that? All they were doing was teaching me that it was OK for other people to steamroll me. And my meltdowns eventually stopped in middle school, but it stopped because I felt so ashamed by them that I just repressed all my emotions.

I think as an adult I have trauma from it. To this day if someone grabs me, like my ex boyfriend, it’s like my mind goes blank, and I start thrashing to get away from them.

Another thing that bothers me is my mother has bragged more than a few times about how when I was a baby, I wasn’t a huggy baby, and she literally cuddled me and basically forced me to hug her until I started liking the hugs. And that information makes me so uncomfortable, I felt like she should’ve just let me be a baby that wasn’t huggy. I wish people wouldn’t have put their hands on me so much.
I was never beaten don’t get me wrong, just spanked occasionally. I just have this huge hang up.

One of the reasons I’ve decided to be child free is to protect myself from a huge imbalance of labor.

I work in food service as a server and a host. And time and time again I see mothers being in charge of the children. And every time I ask if they want a highchair or a booster seat a lot of the time the father will just look at the mother and she’ll answer.
This has really bothered me for a while and I had a particularly uncomfortable example yesterday. Two parents came in with their children, and when I brought over the first booster seat, the mother got one of her sons adjusted into the seat. The father was just sitting there so when I got the second booster seat, I tried to hand it directly to him, but he didn’t even reach to grab it. He kept his hands on the table and then he just looked at his wife and then she rapidly scrambled over and took the booster seat from me thanking me and got her son in the seat.

Time and time again, I see the mother being the default parent and men not even knowing if their kids need a damn seat. It’s the mother pushing the stroller. It’s the mother holding her child’s hand as she takes them to the restroom. It’s her feeding the toddler during dinner.

I’ve seen good fathers, but it really bothers me that it’s not the norm. And in so many of these situations couples will go into a union thinking it’s gonna be 50-50, but then the mother can’t catch a break.

With past boyfriends I’ve also seen them thinking something that’s still dirty is ‘good enough’ if they’re cleaning.