u/-Sathariel-

nasıl goguslerimi düz yapabilirim yanii ogrensem gündelik hayatta da kullanirim aslında taktik verebilecek var mi

bionluk üzerinden ilan açtım 4-5 ay geçti sadece 1 tane sipariş aldim onerileriniz nelerdir

bionluk üzerinden ilan açtım 4-5 ay geçti sadece 1 tane sipariş aldim onerileriniz nelerdir

ive been passionate about animated movies and cartoons since i was very young. At some point, the only thing i could think about was creating my own animated series. But i knew i wasnt good enough yet, so when i was in 4th or 5th grade, i came up with a plan. The most important part of that plan was getting into an art high school.

There were two art high schools near my home but they were still far enough away that, to make it to classes that started at 9 am, i had to catch the bus at 6 am. Because of that, i started training myself to wake up at 4 am when i was in 6th grade so i wouldnt struggle with it later. Even now, i can still wake up at 4 am without an alarm.

Throughout middle school (where i live that includes 5th through 8th grade), i woke up at 4 am every day and drew until it was time to leave for school. At school, i barely paid attention to my classes and usually spent my time making small sketches. By the time i reached 8th grade, drawing had become the only thing i did. Id wake up at 4 am, draw before school, continue practicing academic drawing at school, then go home and keep drawing until midnight or 1 am Sometimes i wouldnt even eat because it felt like a waste of time.

The parts of my hand that rested on the paper became torn and sometimes bled. Around that time, i developed a strange habit. Whenever i didnt like something id drawn, id have what felt like a small breakdown. i would struggle to breathe, crumple up the paper, and stab my pencil into my arm or leg. A few months later, that escalated into hurting my fingers with a utility knife.

In the end, i didnt get into the art high school. My score was 98 out of 100, while the passing score was 60, and i still wasnt accepted. After that, i didnt draw for eight or nine months. My bedroom walls had been covered with my drawings, but i threw them all away. i ended up attending a school that was far from my home and that i hated, because my grades had dropped so much from focusing almost entirely on drawing.

After that, i started feeling like i was trapped inside my own body, as if i were watching everything from the outside. Nothing felt real anymore it felt more like i was watching a movie than actually living my own life. Whenever i thought too much about it, i would struggle to breathe, start crying, and shake uncontrollably. During those moments, i would dig the nails of my right hand into my left hand until it bled.

ive never had many friends. The people i considered friends at school eventually started excluding me. We argued constantly, and they always acted as if everything was my fault. After graduation, i cut off contact with all of them. Now i dont really have any friends. Theres only one person left, and theyre so outgoing and social that sometimes, just seeing them reminds me of everything i dont have. ive felt disconnected from my gender for a long time, but lately its become so overwhelming that i keep harming my chest while im lying in bed, and i harming my arms too with utility knife. i feel disgusting, and i think i dont want to live anymore.

io parlo un po di italiano e non sono molto brava ma sto imparando. non sono italiana sono Turca :3 Please help while learning 🫂