my room feels like a cage... at the same time, it’s the only place i can find refuge
after the pandemic i didn’t feel anything at all about it like other people do ’cause even before that, it’s like i’ve been in quarantine my whole life. i think it’s the social construct that keeps me thinking it’s such a shameful way of life. when i was younger i would always hate my my parents for always keeping me inside (i’m considered the black sheep of the family just because i know how to speak up and break LITTLE rules). but the more time that passes, i kinda just don’t care about going out anymore.
whatever’s out there knows how many friends i’ve lost for being distant. i didn’t even cry about it. they were beautiful. i just accepted it. like it’s some part of growing up. in some circumstances in life it is important to both give and to take, so maybe i am the problem for not always being present for other people. but to be honest really, what am i taking? am i getting anything from this? why do i have to give. most of the time i joke to myself that i am miserable.. but really maybe it's just because people think miserable are people who are isolating? i mean i am free. i don't have to socialize or anything. and i think i am happy to have outgrown the fact that i need to talk
when you’re an avoidant young adult they kill you