u/0bsoleet1337

I'm a 29M, without giving an absurd amount of detail I've clawed my way out of a very rough spot in my life but this resulted in about 5 years of zero dating and dwindling social circles.

Since I've started feeling much better I've been going to the gym pretty much every day and making small talk with people trying to get some gym buddies.

One of these gym buddies is a woman 27F

At first it was just general acknowledgement when we saw each other, then working out together, then that became walks together, then that became talks, then just doing stuff together in general.

To be clear one of our earliest interactions was her clearly stating "I am not looking for a relationship." Which I wholeheartedly agreed with as that was never my intent either. (I also don't blame her, I imagine she gets approached quite a bit, I find her to be very pretty and cute.)

But around the 3 or 4 month mark that's when we started going to places other than the gym together and she seems to frequently complement how I look and how much effort I've been putting in.

At the 6 or 7 month mark she has literally grabbed my hand and placed it on her thigh just to show off how tense a muscle was during leg day. (Maybe this was innocent? I lack flirting experience.)

She's probably the first woman in literal years that has treated me well and has shown any hint of interest.

It feels weird being nearly 30 and having a crush on someone, I haven't felt this way in a long time and I wish I could just go with it.

But as we got to know each other, I've learned she has some serious deal breakers for me.

Not good at communication, deflects or avoids her emotions, likes to go out and party. (Nothing wrong with this, just not for me.) Has outright said it's better to tell people white lies if it makes things easier. (I HARD disagree with this, but that's from my own past relationship issues.)

But most importantly, she's leaving the country in a year.

First spark I've felt in 5 years and it's dead on arrival.

If I go for it and she reciprocates? It would at best be a temporary arrangement and I get the feeling I'd just get too attached or toxic by the end of it.

To be clear, I care about her deeply, we've been there for each other emotionally. (Even if she struggles with it.)

I don't want to do something stupid and hurt her, because I know deep down we're incompatible.

It doesn't help that she's probably my closest friend at the moment, and there's so much proximity.

The thought of distancing myself doesn't feel great but I'm pretty sure it's going to be necessary...

I just want her to be able to leave and still consider me a proper friend, not this guy that suddenly got cold and started talking less near the end.

I think I already know the answer, but I guess I need to hear it from strangers on the internet to just put the final nail in this coffin.

I'm a 29M, without giving an absurd amount of detail I've clawed my way out of a very rough spot in my life but this resulted in about 5 years of zero dating and dwindling social circles.

Since I've started feeling much better I've been going to the gym pretty much every day and making small talk with people trying to get some gym buddies.

One of these gym buddies is a woman 27F

At first it was just general acknowledgement when we saw each other, then working out together, then that became walks together, then that became talks, then just doing stuff together in general.

To be clear one of our earliest interactions was her clearly stating "I am not looking for a relationship." Which I wholeheartedly agreed with as that was never my intent either. (I also don't blame her, I imagine she gets approached quite a bit, I find her to be very pretty and cute.)

But around the 3 or 4 month mark that's when we started going to places other than the gym together and she seems to frequently complement how I look and how much effort I've been putting in.

At the 6 or 7 month mark she has literally grabbed my hand and placed it on her thigh just to show off how tense a muscle was during leg day. (Maybe this was innocent? I lack flirting experience.)

She's probably the first woman in literal years that has treated me well and has shown any hint of interest.

It feels weird being nearly 30 and having a crush on someone, I haven't felt this way in a long time and I wish I could just go with it.

But as we got to know each other, I've learned she has some serious deal breakers for me.

Not good at communication, deflects or avoids her emotions, likes to go out and party. (Nothing wrong with this, just not for me.) Has outright said it's better to tell people white lies if it makes things easier. (I HARD disagree with this, but that's from my own past relationship issues.)

But most importantly, she's leaving the country in a year.

First spark I've felt in 5 years and it's dead on arrival.

If I go for it and she reciprocates? It would at best be a temporary arrangement and I get the feeling I'd just get too attached or toxic by the end of it.

To be clear, I care about her deeply, we've been there for each other emotionally. (Even if she struggles with it.)

I don't want to do something stupid and hurt her, because I know deep down we're incompatible.

It doesn't help that she's probably my closest friend at the moment, and there's so much proximity.

The thought of distancing myself doesn't feel great but I'm pretty sure it's going to be necessary...

I just want her to be able to leave and still consider me a proper friend, not this guy that suddenly got cold and started talking less near the end.

I think I already know the answer, but I guess I need to hear it from strangers on the internet to just put the final nail in this coffin.