AIO: Acquaintance tracked down my Reddit account and dm’d me because I didn’t respond to his texts/calls
I do dog walking for work. I do this job because I’m not very social and interaction drains the hell out of me. I frequently see the same neighbors/dog walkers on my routes and even the typical polite small talk on my walks feels draining- “Hi, how are you, I’m good, weather is __ today” but I smile and do it to be polite even though I often internally feel like shit.
“Dan” (not his real name) was a fellow dog walker who’d walk a dog a few doors down from one of my clients around the same time. He’s about 10 years older than me (I’m in my 30’s, he’s in his 40’s). Started the same way with polite small talk bs. Then he approached me with a proposition we could share clients if one of us was unavailable and invited me out to coffee to discuss it. Since it was business related I agreed. After the meeting he insisted I go out to dinner with him and his wife so I could meet her. Again I agreed because I was trying to be polite and be a bit more social.
After that he apparently decided Friday’s are coffee day and started regularly inviting me to coffee on Friday’s. Again, socializing is draining af for me when I already have a short battery.. Sometimes I’d agree to be polite, sometimes I’d say I was busy because I’m legit busy, sometimes I wouldn’t reply because I didn’t have the energy. He never seemed to pick up or chose to ignore that I wasn’t super engaged in it..
One time at coffee he randomly took an ugly candid camera pic of me without permission. I made it clear I was very uncomfortable with that and demanded he delete it. He said he “needed a pic for my contact”. I demanded he delete it, he said he would but showed me at a later coffee meet that it was still there.
Year ago I mentioned I was looking forward to the King of the Hill reboot, he insisted I come over to his house to have a watch party. I had no interest in that. So I watched the show by myself after a long exhausting week of work and when I mentioned I already watched it he acted offended I didn’t come over to watch with him.
Last Christmas he insisted I go out to dinner at an expensive restaurant with him, his wife and their 2 friends- a married couple. I had no interest in this or being their 5th wheel when I’d only met his wife once and didn’t know the other couple. “Dan” offered to pay for my dinner which also made me uncomfortable. When I declined he said things like“ur not passing”, “I’m picking you up at 4:30”, “I’ll humor that you’re thinking about it”. Dude could not accept no for an answer. I still declined and he acted offended/passive-aggressive for the following month when I’d run into him in our dog walking routes.
Few months ago he asked me out to coffee which I never replied or agreed to. He later texted me acting pissy that he showed up as if I blew him off.
Recently “Dan” broke his hip and the messages started getting excessive… He texted my a play-by-play at the ER and I’m just reading these like ‘we’re not that close, why are you telling me?’ but I felt bad and tried to be nice. He asked me to take his 2 dog walking clients which I agreed since that was business related, told him I hoped he felt better. I found it uncomfortable how he was texting me from the ER saying he’d pay extra for taking his clients or how he had a gift for me for doing so. That’s excessive and unnecessary.. But what really started to bother me was how he seemed to be deeming me his emotional support person or something with lines like “you’ll have to come over and hang out because I’ll be bedridden and lonely”. It’s the phrasing of not asking if I want to come over, and telling me what I “need” to be doing.
A week after “Dan” broke his hip shit hit the fan in my personal life. I am still dealing with an incredibly stressful situation that’s left me drained and struggling to function, let alone be someone else’s emotional support- especially when I’ve only ever seen him as an acquaintance and he’s over there making comments like “seeing me like a younger sister” that I never consented to. “Dan’s” frequent texts got too overwhelming on top of my existing stress and I stopped replying because I don’t have the energy to deal with him.
“Dan” couldn’t accept the silence, and the texts got increasingly passive aggressive and guilt trippy which made me want to respond even less. When texts didn’t work he tried calling and left a voicemail again not asking if I was available but telling me I need to walk his dog. I don’t need to do anything.
When calling didn’t work he hunted down my main Reddit account and DM’d me. I never gave him my username and had only mentioned I mod a specific sub, I’m not even the only mod on there. He used that to hunt down the account and DM me. I’m extremely uncomfortable with this and now my main feels compromised and stalked. It felt extremely inappropriate he’d dm me all because he wasn’t getting what he wanted. It felt very invasive and I’ve been reluctant to use the account now.. When I blocked and didn’t reply he called again a few hours later…
I know ghosting isn’t nice but I’ve been on the verge of a mental breakdown with my own shit and saying no/setting boundaries with him in the past hasn’t really worked.. If he contacts me again I have a draft ready explaining clear boundaries, that I’m blocking him and why. It’s been 4 days since the Reddit DM and he’s been silent since but idk how long that’ll last.. I know I should have sent the boundary/blocking text a few days ago but I had a hard time pulling the trigger because I didn’t want to be mean… I feel bad about it..
Am I over reacting and being a dick or is this dude not understanding boundaries? When I look at his texts they all pretty much come off as self centered around what he wants and his needs with no consideration what I might be going through or that I haven’t been super engaged.. My mom said I was overreacting and being mean, that he’s just lonely and wants a friend and I should be more understanding- until I said he has a wife, then she did a double take and said this was all inappropriate.
Am I overreacting to a lonely guy or is he being excessive af and disrespecting boundaries?