u/0xC001FACE

Older neighbor asking me for grocery and gas money, I'm afraid it will become a habit

I (28F) live in an apartment building 4th floor with an older neighbor "John" (I'm guessing in his mid 60s) living on the 1st floor. He's unemployed, lives alone but has an adult son living somewhere else in the same city, and has some visible disabilities: he walks slowly and with a limp, and currently has cataracts/vision problems.

Over a year ago I became acquainted with John since he hangs out around the complex a lot and I walk my dog multiple times a day and ran into him regularly. We had small talk convos, when we first met he mentioned he was trying to find a job but nobody would hire him. It's kind of obvious that he just really wanted to talk to people, I presume he's lonely and it doesn't seem like has a great support system.

Overall he seems like a nice enough guy, but I definitely get the sense that he's got some mental decline. I did perhaps make a mistake and tell him which unit I live in, occasionally he comes by and knocks on my door. One time he came by insisting that there was something in his finger and needed my help using tweezers to pull it out (he couldn't see for himself due to cataracts). There was nothing on/in his finger except a small cut; I assume it was self inflicted trying to "get out" whatever was in there.

Less than a week ago I ignored some times he knocked on my door, then I run into him in the lobby and he's telling me he had surgery scheduled for his cataracts but his son couldn't get him to his appointment because he didn't have gas money. He did not outright ask for gas money from me, but he was strongly hinting at it, saying he didn't know who to turn to and had nobody to help him out. I offered to give him $20 as a gift, no strings attached, so that he could get to his surgery. He accepted.

Today I ignored his knock on my door again because he came by while I was in a work meeting (WFH), then I later run into him in the lobby and he asks me for a big favor: another loan (first time was a gift but that's the word he used). He needs money for food. I try and get a little more information from him about his situation because yellow flags are going up for me. Apparently his son manages all his money and also picks up his prescriptions for him, but has been slacking lately. He says his son hasn't been answering his phone, but upon further questioning John said he just spoke to his son LAST NIGHT. So when he said his son hasn't been answering he meant just this morning. He says he really hates to ask and has never been in this position before. I agree to give him another $20, also gave him some trash bags and some bar soap that he asked for.

If it just ends here and he never asks for another "favor" I would be fine with it, but I'm afraid I've opened myself up to being his safety net. I need a plan for what to do if he asks again. I believe he genuinely needs help and I'd feel awful if not giving him some grocery money means he'd go hungry, but it also sounds like the son has the money and they're just not good at communicating? Or perhaps cognitive decline is playing a role here?

TLDR: I've given the old man in my building $40 in the last week for gas and groceries, now I need help on how to establish a boundary and/or perhaps give him an alternate plan of action if he needs more help and comes to me again.

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u/0xC001FACE — 1 day ago

Anyone have insight into Aurora Meadows Apartments off 6th and Sable?

Aurora Meadows at 777 Dillon Way.

They have decent Google reviews but their rent is hundreds cheaper than the apartments literally just down the road (Griffis Fitzsimons, Revel), which to me is a red flag that perhaps there's a reason it's so affordable.

Is there anyone who's lived there or currently lives there that can give their review of what it was/is like?

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u/0xC001FACE — 14 days ago
▲ 0 r/AskHR

After okaying it with my medical provider I put in a request for FMLA leave for mental health reasons. I expected this to be unpaid and I didn't care, I just needed the leave.

My company partners with Lincoln Financial to process these leave claims and my case manager is also investigating this as STD even though I didn't ask for that (I didn't know I would even qualify). Is this standard procedure? The medical records they're going to get feels kind of invasive, but I don't want my FMLA to get rejected. But I also don't know if they're only getting those records specifically for the STD part.

Obviously I have no idea how this works, can someone help me out?

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u/0xC001FACE — 15 days ago

I have a bachelor's in computer science, am 6 years into being a software engineer, am in the midst of an existential crisis, and deciding that I want a career change. I have the mind to leave tech altogether, but that's a daunting path to face since it feels like that decision would blow my life up as I know it.

I'm turning to Redditors to see if anyone has ideas on roles that I could get into with my background without more schooling. Basically, what else should I try before I walk away from tech altogether?

Here's what I don't like about SWE:

  1. This is probably heavily influenced by my specific job, but I dislike how many hats I have to wear and how abstract and broad the problems I have to solve are. I'm learning that I do better with concrete parameters, more predictability and stability in the day-to-day tasking.

  2. How fast technology changes and how much continuous learning there is. Not that I want to remain stagnant or never learn new things, but I feel in SWE specifically this bit is overwhelming.

I also am not interested in leadership/management positions. Based on this, any suggestions?

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u/0xC001FACE — 17 days ago

I'm currently at a very low place with my depression and am getting spravato treatments and working with my psychiatrist. I'm also getting enrolled in an intensive outpatient program. I just started FMLA leave and it's gonna probably take a week+ before my IOP begins.

Although all I really want to do is sleep all day, I want to attempt to force myself into some kind of routine or have some activities to do so I'm not just stuck in this terrible headspace. I do have a dog so I already have some walks built into my day.

Does anyone have any other ideas for me, maybe things that have worked for you in the past?

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u/0xC001FACE — 21 days ago
▲ 0 r/AskHR

I need to take immediate FMLA leave due to a serious medical condition which my psychiatrist has agreed to sign off on.

Yesterday I asked my manager who in HR to reach out to to put in my request, he said I should direct my question to our HR Business Partner. I sent our HRBP a Teams message simply stating I needed to submit a request and asked who to reach out to for this. This morning I followed up with an email stating I have an FMLA qualifying situation that requires immediate leave and asked her to point me in the right direction again. She hasn't responded to either form of communication and it's been 24 hours since I sent the Teams message.

I'm freaking out a little since I need to be on leave now but I'm unsure what to at this point because she's probably just busy. Do I:

  1. Just continue waiting for her response and take sick time in the mean time? I took sick time today

  2. By the end of today if she doesn't respond, let my manager know the urgency of my situation and see if he can do anything?

  3. Something else??

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u/0xC001FACE — 23 days ago