u/100percentapplejack

Is there anyone in the Shreveport/Stonewall/Mansfield area who practices witchcraft? I'm 19 and have been practicing for a while now. I'm not extremely advanced, but I'd love to meet other people who practice because I'd really like to be part of a coven.

The reason is that it can feel a little lonely being the only person among my friends who practices witchcraft, aside from my long distance friends. I'd love to have local friends I can connect with, share tips, learn from, and just enjoy the typical sense of community that comes with being in a coven.

I know this probably sounds crazy to anyone who isn't into paganism or witchcraft, but I figured it was worth asking!

I don't want to go to Reddit for this, but I don't know where else to turn or what to do with these thoughts. I want advice, just not from anyone I know personally. I think I need perspectives from people who have no reason to tell me what they think I want to hear.

For some context, I currently identify as nonbinary and use they/them pronouns. Before that, I used she/they, and before that, I used he/him for a long time. I was assigned female at birth, but I have never felt completely comfortable with that identity. Looking back, I do not think I have ever felt entirely comfortable being seen as a woman. I have always felt like I existed somewhere in between, or maybe somewhere outside of those expectations altogether.

You would think that after years of questioning and changing the language I use for myself, I would know the answer to the question I am about to ask. The truth is that I do not. If anything, I feel more confused now than I ever have. That is why I am asking strangers instead of people in my own life.

The question is simple.

Am I trans?

I do not know how else to ask it. I do not know if I am looking for reassurance, validation, or someone to tell me I am overthinking everything. I just know I cannot keep going in circles by myself.

I have always struggled with insecurity. If I imagined myself as a feminine person, I wanted to look like Katherine Isabelle. I have always thought she was incredibly beautiful. I love femininity. I love wearing feminine clothes, doing my makeup, and expressing myself in those ways. In theory, those things should make me feel like myself.

Lately, they have not.

Instead, it feels like I am putting on a costume. I look in the mirror and feel like I am performing femininity instead of naturally existing in it. It is not that I suddenly hate dresses or makeup. I still enjoy those things. The problem is that when I wear them, they do not always feel like they belong on me. It feels like I am trying to convince myself that this is who I am instead of simply knowing that it is.

For a long time, I told myself this feeling was just insecurity. I thought maybe I was unhappy because I did not like how I looked, not because of my gender. But the more I sit with these feelings, the harder it becomes to believe that appearance is the only issue.

I think about having a deeper voice more often than I would like to admit. I think about not having a chest. I think about having different anatomy. Those thoughts appear so naturally that I barely notice them anymore. Then I immediately dismiss them because they do not feel like enough to prove anything. I tell myself that everyone wonders about things like that sometimes.

What confuses me is that I cannot tell whether I actually want those changes or whether I simply want to be someone I find attractive.

Recently, I almost cried because I did not look like Jake Gyllenhaal.

I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it genuinely upset me. Looking at photos of him when he was around my age made me feel jealous in a way I cannot fully explain. He has a soft face, but he is still unmistakably masculine. I wanted his face, his voice, and the way people perceive him. I wanted to exist the way he exists.

At the same time, I still look at women like Megan Fox and wish I looked like her too. I wish I had her beauty, her confidence, her hair, her skin, and the effortless way she carries herself.

That is what makes this so confusing.

I envy beautiful women.

I also envy beautiful men.

Sometimes I cannot tell whether I want to be them, look like them, or simply be admired the way they are.

The idea of testosterone is appealing, but some of its effects make me hesitate. Bottom growth makes me uncomfortable when I imagine it for myself, even though I have no negative feelings toward it on anyone else. Surgery is similar because if I were to have male genitalia, I would want it to be fully functioning. To my knowledge, most surgeries cannot achieve that without the use of artificial devices. It is also the fact that if I imagine myself as a man, I wish I had simply been born one. I wish I did not have to choose between keeping a body that feels wrong or changing it in ways that still would not feel exactly right.

I want to be very clear that these feelings are only about myself. I do not believe any trans man is less of a man because of how he was born or the choices he makes. This is not about anyone else's identity. It is about the expectations I have for my own life, and how impossible those expectations feel.

I think that is why I feel so angry.

I am angry because I cannot become someone who was born with experiences I never had.

I am angry because I cannot tell whether I want to change my body or whether I just want to stop feeling disconnected from it.

I am angry because I do not know who I am.

Maybe this is all insecurity. Maybe it is gender dysphoria. Maybe it is both. I genuinely do not know anymore.

I just want to understand myself. I want to wake up one day and stop questioning every thought I have about my body, my identity, and my future. I want to know who I am supposed to be, because living in this constant uncertainty is exhausting.

I don't want to go to Reddit for this, but I don't know where else to turn or what to do with these thoughts. I want advice, just not from anyone I know personally. I think I need perspectives from people who have no reason to tell me what they think I want to hear.

For some context, I currently identify as nonbinary and use they/them pronouns. Before that, I used she/they, and before that, I used he/him for a long time. I was assigned female at birth, but I have never felt completely comfortable with that identity. Looking back, I do not think I have ever felt entirely comfortable being seen as a woman. I have always felt like I existed somewhere in between, or maybe somewhere outside of those expectations altogether.

You would think that after years of questioning and changing the language I use for myself, I would know the answer to the question I am about to ask. The truth is that I do not. If anything, I feel more confused now than I ever have. That is why I am asking strangers instead of people in my own life.

The question is simple.

Am I trans?

I do not know how else to ask it. I do not know if I am looking for reassurance, validation, or someone to tell me I am overthinking everything. I just know I cannot keep going in circles by myself.

I have always struggled with insecurity. If I imagined myself as a feminine person, I wanted to look like Katherine Isabelle. I have always thought she was incredibly beautiful. I love femininity. I love wearing feminine clothes, doing my makeup, and expressing myself in those ways. In theory, those things should make me feel like myself.

Lately, they have not.

Instead, it feels like I am putting on a costume. I look in the mirror and feel like I am performing femininity instead of naturally existing in it. It is not that I suddenly hate dresses or makeup. I still enjoy those things. The problem is that when I wear them, they do not always feel like they belong on me. It feels like I am trying to convince myself that this is who I am instead of simply knowing that it is.

For a long time, I told myself this feeling was just insecurity. I thought maybe I was unhappy because I did not like how I looked, not because of my gender. But the more I sit with these feelings, the harder it becomes to believe that appearance is the only issue.

I think about having a deeper voice more often than I would like to admit. I think about not having a chest. I think about having different anatomy. Those thoughts appear so naturally that I barely notice them anymore. Then I immediately dismiss them because they do not feel like enough to prove anything. I tell myself that everyone wonders about things like that sometimes.

What confuses me is that I cannot tell whether I actually want those changes or whether I simply want to be someone I find attractive.

Recently, I almost cried because I did not look like Jake Gyllenhaal.

I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it genuinely upset me. Looking at photos of him when he was around my age made me feel jealous in a way I cannot fully explain. He has a soft face, but he is still unmistakably masculine. I wanted his face, his voice, and the way people perceive him. I wanted to exist the way he exists.

At the same time, I still look at women like Megan Fox and wish I looked like her too. I wish I had her beauty, her confidence, her hair, her skin, and the effortless way she carries herself.

That is what makes this so confusing.

I envy beautiful women.

I also envy beautiful men.

Sometimes I cannot tell whether I want to be them, look like them, or simply be admired the way they are.

The idea of testosterone is appealing, but some of its effects make me hesitate. Bottom growth makes me uncomfortable when I imagine it for myself, even though I have no negative feelings toward it on anyone else. Surgery is similar because if I were to have male genitalia, I would want it to be fully functioning. To my knowledge, most surgeries cannot achieve that without the use of artificial devices. It is also the fact that if I imagine myself as a man, I wish I had simply been born one. I wish I did not have to choose between keeping a body that feels wrong or changing it in ways that still would not feel exactly right.

I want to be very clear that these feelings are only about myself. I do not believe any trans man is less of a man because of how he was born or the choices he makes. This is not about anyone else's identity. It is about the expectations I have for my own life, and how impossible those expectations feel.

I think that is why I feel so angry.

I am angry because I cannot become someone who was born with experiences I never had.

I am angry because I cannot tell whether I want to change my body or whether I just want to stop feeling disconnected from it.

I am angry because I do not know who I am.

Maybe this is all insecurity. Maybe it is gender dysphoria. Maybe it is both. I genuinely do not know anymore.

I just want to understand myself. I want to wake up one day and stop questioning every thought I have about my body, my identity, and my future. I want to know who I am supposed to be, because living in this constant uncertainty is exhausting.

I don't want to go to Reddit for this, but I don't know where else to turn or what to do with these thoughts. I want advice, just not from anyone I know personally. I think I need perspectives from people who have no reason to tell me what they think I want to hear.

For some context, I currently identify as nonbinary and use they/them pronouns. Before that, I used she/they, and before that, I used he/him for a long time. I was assigned female at birth, but I have never felt completely comfortable with that identity. Looking back, I do not think I have ever felt entirely comfortable being seen as a woman. I have always felt like I existed somewhere in between, or maybe somewhere outside of those expectations altogether.

You would think that after years of questioning and changing the language I use for myself, I would know the answer to the question I am about to ask. The truth is that I do not. If anything, I feel more confused now than I ever have. That is why I am asking strangers instead of people in my own life.

The question is simple.

Am I trans?

I do not know how else to ask it. I do not know if I am looking for reassurance, validation, or someone to tell me I am overthinking everything. I just know I cannot keep going in circles by myself.

I have always struggled with insecurity. If I imagined myself as a feminine person, I wanted to look like Katherine Isabelle. I have always thought she was incredibly beautiful. I love femininity. I love wearing feminine clothes, doing my makeup, and expressing myself in those ways. In theory, those things should make me feel like myself.

Lately, they have not.

Instead, it feels like I am putting on a costume. I look in the mirror and feel like I am performing femininity instead of naturally existing in it. It is not that I suddenly hate dresses or makeup. I still enjoy those things. The problem is that when I wear them, they do not always feel like they belong on me. It feels like I am trying to convince myself that this is who I am instead of simply knowing that it is.

For a long time, I told myself this feeling was just insecurity. I thought maybe I was unhappy because I did not like how I looked, not because of my gender. But the more I sit with these feelings, the harder it becomes to believe that appearance is the only issue.

I think about having a deeper voice more often than I would like to admit. I think about not having a chest. I think about having different anatomy. Those thoughts appear so naturally that I barely notice them anymore. Then I immediately dismiss them because they do not feel like enough to prove anything. I tell myself that everyone wonders about things like that sometimes.

What confuses me is that I cannot tell whether I actually want those changes or whether I simply want to be someone I find attractive.

Recently, I almost cried because I did not look like Jake Gyllenhaal.

I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it genuinely upset me. Looking at photos of him when he was around my age made me feel jealous in a way I cannot fully explain. He has a soft face, but he is still unmistakably masculine. I wanted his face, his voice, and the way people perceive him. I wanted to exist the way he exists.

At the same time, I still look at women like Megan Fox and wish I looked like her too. I wish I had her beauty, her confidence, her hair, her skin, and the effortless way she carries herself.

That is what makes this so confusing.

I envy beautiful women.

I also envy beautiful men.

Sometimes I cannot tell whether I want to be them, look like them, or simply be admired the way they are.

The idea of testosterone is appealing, but some of its effects make me hesitate. Bottom growth makes me uncomfortable when I imagine it for myself, even though I have no negative feelings toward it on anyone else. Surgery is similar because if I were to have male genitalia, I would want it to be fully functioning. To my knowledge, most surgeries cannot achieve that without the use of artificial devices. It is also the fact that if I imagine myself as a man, I wish I had simply been born one. I wish I did not have to choose between keeping a body that feels wrong or changing it in ways that still would not feel exactly right.

I want to be very clear that these feelings are only about myself. I do not believe any trans man is less of a man because of how he was born or the choices he makes. This is not about anyone else's identity. It is about the expectations I have for my own life, and how impossible those expectations feel.

I think that is why I feel so angry.

I am angry because I cannot become someone who was born with experiences I never had.

I am angry because I cannot tell whether I want to change my body or whether I just want to stop feeling disconnected from it.

I am angry because I do not know who I am.

Maybe this is all insecurity. Maybe it is gender dysphoria. Maybe it is both. I genuinely do not know anymore.

I just want to understand myself. I want to wake up one day and stop questioning every thought I have about my body, my identity, and my future. I want to know who I am supposed to be, because living in this constant uncertainty is exhausting.

I know I made a post earlier, but I was wondering if there are any other musicians in Louisiana.
I am a keyboardist, guitarist, and I also produce music. I'm not the best at all three yet. I can't really play guitar, but I want to learn. However, I can't learn by watching videos or reading. I have to be actively taught by someone.

I would love to make some musical friends. I'm 19 years old and nonbinary. I love all kinds of music, but one of the bands I've been listening to the most recently is Avenged Sevenfold. I also listen to a lot of industrial rock, such as Snake River Conspiracy, goth music, such as Sisters of Mercy, and electronic music, such as Grimes.

I would love to meet some new friends with similar musical interests or other interests we might have in common. I would also love it if there is anyone local to the Stonewall area who would be willing to help me learn guitar. I have both an acoustic and an electric guitar.

Let me know!