u/2tangeriness

My ex and I have a long history. We briefly dated back in high school, broke up, but have been in and out of each other’s lives since then for the past 6 years.

We don’t talk consistently, but we’ll reconnect sporadically, catch up, and sometimes hook up. There’s always been a mutual pull and emotional + physical familiarity between us that makes things feel like we never fully closed the door on each other, and because of that the dynamic has never been clearly defined.

On paper it looks casual, but it doesn’t feel casual. Between us there’s still banter, emotional comfort, softness, and a genuine interest in each other’s lives, which is part of what makes this confusing for me. Neither of us really address the emotional side of it directly, so everything stays in a gray area.

I’m not sure if I want a relationship with them again— I would be open to it if it naturally happened, but I’m not actively trying to pursue one. I just feel deeply emotionally bonded to them and I think fondly of them, but idk what place this bond is supposed to have in my life anymore or how I actually feel towards them.

They’re a good person, but hard to read. There are moments where they show genuine care through softness, attentiveness, and small affectionate gestures, which adds to the ambiguity. There are also moments where they seem slightly jealous or possessive, but doesn’t really express it. We both seem to have a huge soft spot for each other, but neither of us would ever acknowledge it.

I realized that this connection affects me more deeply than I want to admit. Part of it comes from the years of uncertainty and emotional gray area between us, and from never fully knowing what we actually mean to each other. Another part is grieving the version of the connection I secretly wish existed, even if I can’t fully admit what that version looks like. It’s painful to deeply care for someone/a connection that may never fully take shape into anything concrete, even though there’s something meaningful there.

I’m just trying to understand what this connection actually is and what I’m supposed to do with it?

I (23F) and my ex (24M) have a long history. We briefly dated back in high school for a few months, broke up, but have been in and out of each other’s lives since then for the past 6 years.

We don’t talk consistently, but we’ll reconnect sporadically, catch up, and sometimes hook up. There’s always been a mutual pull and emotional + physical familiarity between us that makes things feel like we never fully closed the door on each other, and because of that the dynamic has never been clearly defined. On paper it looks casual, but it doesn’t feel casual. Between us there’s still banter, emotional comfort, softness, and a genuine interest in each other’s lives, which is part of what makes this confusing for me. Neither of us really address the emotional side of it directly, so everything stays in a gray area.

Idk if I want a relationship with him again. I would be open to it if it naturally happened, but I’m not actively trying to pursue that. I just feel deeply emotionally bonded to him, but I don’t know what place this bond is supposed to have in my life anymore.

He’s a good guy, but hard to read. There are moments where he shows genuine care through softness, attentiveness, and small affectionate gestures, which adds to the ambiguity. There are also moments where he seems slightly jealous or possessive, but doesn’t really express it. We both seem to have a huge soft spot for each other, but neither of us acknowledge it.

This connection affects me more deeply than I want to admit. Part of it comes from the years of uncertainty and emotional gray area between us, and from never fully knowing what we actually mean to each other. Another part is grieving the version of the connection I secretly wish existed, even if I can’t fully admit what that version looks like. There’s something painful about deeply caring for someone/a connection that may never fully take shape into anything concrete, even though there’s something meaningful there. Idk how to deal with it.

TL;DR: I have a long on-and-off dynamic with my ex that looks casual on paper but is emotionally familiar and unclear in practice. I feel deeply bonded to him but I’m confused about what place he has in my life or how to deal with it.

I found out my avoidant ex has a new gf and I don’t want him back at all, but finding out triggered this wave of anger in me that I wasn’t expecting. I’m not sad over it but I’m definitely irritated. I’m over him completely but I’m more so stuck on the injustice of it all. It’s like wow … you treated me so terribly, never took accountability or gave me a proper clean ending, and now you just get to move on like nothing happened?

I feel nothing but disgust for him, like I truly despise him but I also never got to express my hurt. I stayed silent because I knew it wouldn’t matter whether or not I spoke for myself, but it still sucks bc I’m carrying a lot of unsaid words. I didn’t send any dramatic long paragraphs or blow up his phone, I just calmly left it how it was. I don’t regret that choice either and it’s been months but sometimes the “vengeful” part of me wants for him to know that what he put me through was not okay, and that he’s a horrible person.

Now my brain is spiraling again between what if he treats her better or what if it was just me he was a pos to? It still messes with me that someone can hurt you so badly and walk away completely unscathed, it’s so sociopathic to me.

Like how do you deal with this kind of anger after already being over the person? It’s a really weird place to be in.