u/831inthePNW

My alcoholic meth addict Q is in the throws of wanting to be let back home. His excuse is that he is a beer drinker and will never stop and that HE IS A MAN, and Im not letting him be one. He only does drugs and takes it to the extreme because he is lashing out at me restricting his beer consumption. I have restricted him before and I have also allowed it. I have compromised so much in order to be at peace, but it is never enough. The beer is never enough. It always leads to hidden drinking, liquor, and eventually meth. I explain this cycle to him, but he doesn't see it from my perspective. I tell him what he puts me, and now our son, through with this behavior, but he dismisses and tells me I'm dramatic and a liar. Anything I say doesn't matter if it isn't something he wants. I am not budging, I have wasted too many years on his disease, there's never a fill.

So, kicked out my Q, he has been out of the house since Mother's day. I packed him bags and dropped them off where he is staying. I can tell he is coming down from his high because the Im sorry texts are coming in and he is asking to see his son. But he is making himself a victim and is completely avoiding the fact that all this is happening because of his addiction problems and behaviors. He has convinced himself that somehow this was his choice since he thinks I am too controlling, ignoring the fact that the only thing I ever told him was to not come home drunk and not do drugs. Btw, I have compromised left and right with this man while he hasn't budged once, and have supported him in so many ways, but somehow I'm the bad guy. He continues to gaslight me even from a distance and is using our son to manipulate me. I know he must miss his son, but he didn't even consider him through his actions. He tells me he wants to be civil and find a place where we can speak to each other without resentment, then immediately starts an argument and attacking me. I almost feel sorry for him, it must be rough living in that head of his.

I have started going to Al Anon meetings pretty much around the clock to work on my own healing and have set up counseling sessions. It's hard to take the focus off him until he is 100% out of the house, but most of his things are still here which gives me anxiety that he might come back.

My boyfriend relapsed into his meth addiction about 5 years ago when I had a miscarriage. Ever since, it has been a wild ride of recovery and relapses. He is an alcoholic as well to boot. While he can consciously seek recovery for meth, he doesn't think his drinking is a problem and minimizes the extent of it. My bad, I ended up pregnant when i stead I should have left him, but I will never regret my son at all. What I do regret is continuing to have my bf in our lives. He goes months of doing nothing then goes balls out and leaves for days. He would come back all remorseful and back to the NA recovery groups. But for the past 2 months, his relapses have been every weekend that I no longer categorize as relapse. He is in full blown active addiction. Our poor 3yo son is scared and confused when my bf is tweaking out in the house doing weirdo stuff, iykyk. I had enough when we came home on mother's day and he locked us out of the house. I kicked him out and no matter what he says, he is not stepping foot in my home. My son and I need peace, not chaos. Meth is a destroyer of souls and I don't even recognize the man I fell in love with. He is long gone.

So I posted here about a week ago about my Q (bf) relapsing and hiding his drinking and making me miss work. Well, I was right, he did relapse to his meth addiction as well and I have been dealing with his weird addict behavior all week. He has pretty much been making my life and son's life miserable. Keeps picking fights and then calling me crazy and psycho. My poor son (3yo) is so confused with his behavior and my anger.

Today was the last straw. I woke up at 3 am to him pacing and acting weird in the living room and gave him nyquil and told him to fall asleep. Then my son and I went to his little art class in the morning and then brunch for mother's day. When we came back home, he had locked us out of the house by locking the top deadbolt which can only be opened from inside. I kept banging the door and freaking out my son, until he came to open it. He had been doing weirdo shit in our living room, had blankets on the windows, and the house stunk. Those who know what meth heads like to do under the influence will guess what he was doing. I unleashed all the rage and told him to leave. I stood there and told him to pack his bags and go. Enough is enough. He relapsed a month ago and I knew but he kept saying he didn't, yet all signs pointed to yes. I told him just as easily as he went out to find drugs, he can go back out and figure out what to do next. I emailed my landlord about what I can do to remove him from the lease. If I have to be explicit, I will tell them all the truth. I have kept it from everyone because I was ashamed, but this is not my shame, it's his.

He couldn't stay sober for his family, well now he doesn't have to worry about one. He tried to use our son against me saying "don't make me leave my son" like he even cared when he was out for days getting drunk and high, but NOW he does. I promised him this would happen if he relapsed again, this time I am following through with my promise. He is out!

So that is how he thought my mother's day should be celebrated; dissolving our family, scaring my son, making me livid, and now I am alone with my son... Peacefully alone with my son... Until he sobers up and decides he needs us.... F that!

I am literally in shock that the wages for professional positions have not increased in the last 8 years. Moved away in 2018 and have wanted to move back, but the job market and pay is stagnant. A position at the city of santa cruz that paid $20//hr increased by only $3, which is not a living wage in santa cruz at all. Managerial positions are offering $30?? Wtf with those rent prices are people living there actually working there? If I wanted to move back and take a position higher than what I currently do, I would be taking a pay cut for that position plus be paying more in living costs. What is the end game here...

Sundays are our family day and my partner who is my Q, cooked a great meal for us and everything was going well. He went to bed with us (our 3 year old) and helped me get him ready because I have to go to the office tomorrow when I typically work from home. I woke up around 3:30am to go to the bathroom and he was not in bed. I looked for him in the living room and he is gone...along with the car keys. We share a car and now I don't know if I can even go to work . I hud my purse with the keys, but I guess not well enough. I called him and he said he was at the store (sounded like he was already drinking).

This is not the first time. He leaves in the middle of the night and goes to his friend's house to drink or hides liquor around the house and goes driving around drunk wasting gas, meanwhile I stay up all night anxious and angry wondering if and when he will come home or how I can make it to work. He watches our son while I work during the day to help me be able to focus, but on his days off he pulls stunts like this and I fear my job will be jeopardized.

After I spoke with him, he blocked my calls and wont pick up now. So now I am lying in bed, angry, not sleeping, wondering how I am getting to work or if I should call in sick.

I am so upset, I call it the kiss of death. He acts super sweet and immediately follows it with bs like this. I am angry I didn't hide the keys better and that I filled up the tank with gas. Now I am fearing he drove into the city and buying drugs. I hate that this is the life my son and I are stuck in. I hate that I can't just leave. I have no one but him here all my family is in another state.

I knew the day went too good to be true... I hate him so much.