u/A_human_00000

I grew up in Gaza and lived through 7 wars.
The last one was the genocide in Gaza. My father was killed in the war. I also survived death twice and was pulled out from under the rubble. I left Gaza injured, while most of my family is still there.

Now I live alone. I’ve been away from home for 2 years.
Financially, I’m doing well. I have very good friends around me, and from the outside my life looks stable. Mentally, I actually feel calmer than before in many ways.

But there is something inside me that I don’t understand.

Every time I think about improving my life in a major way, building a future, becoming successful, or imagining real happiness, my brain immediately feels like life will suddenly end, or that some huge catastrophe will happen.

Sometimes I even feel confused by the idea of living happily for a long time. It almost feels unreal to me.

It’s like my mind learned that whenever life becomes “too good,” something terrible follows.

Did anyone else who experienced war or severe trauma feel this way?
How do you start believing in a future again after surviving so much?

I grew up in Gaza and lived through 7 wars.
The last one was the genocide in Gaza. My father was killed in the war. I also survived death twice and was pulled out from under the rubble. I left Gaza injured, while most of my family is still there.

Now I live alone. I’ve been away from home for 2 years.
Financially, I’m doing well. I have very good friends around me, and from the outside my life looks stable. Mentally, I actually feel calmer than before in many ways.

But there is something inside me that I don’t understand.

Every time I think about improving my life in a major way, building a future, becoming successful, or imagining real happiness, my brain immediately feels like life will suddenly end, or that some huge catastrophe will happen.

Sometimes I even feel confused by the idea of living happily for a long time. It almost feels unreal to me.

It’s like my mind learned that whenever life becomes “too good,” something terrible follows.

Did anyone else who experienced war or severe trauma feel this way?
How do you start believing in a future again after surviving so much?

I grew up in Gaza and lived through 7 wars.
The last one was the genocide in Gaza. My father was killed in the war. I also survived death twice and was pulled out from under the rubble. I left Gaza injured, while most of my family is still there.

Now I live alone. I’ve been away from home for 2 years.
Financially, I’m doing well. I have very good friends around me, and from the outside my life looks stable. Mentally, I actually feel calmer than before in many ways.

But there is something inside me that I don’t understand.

Every time I think about improving my life in a major way, building a future, becoming successful, or imagining real happiness, my brain immediately feels like life will suddenly end, or that some huge catastrophe will happen.

Sometimes I even feel confused by the idea of living happily for a long time. It almost feels unreal to me.

It’s like my mind learned that whenever life becomes “too good,” something terrible follows.

Did anyone else who experienced war or severe trauma feel this way?
How do you start believing in a future again after surviving so much?