u/AarsynInthegame

So my issue here is with my mother. We've never had the best relationship and I am working on it. I'm 25 and still live at home in my childhood bedroom.

Despite living at home, I am a very independent person and strive for that freedom all the time. I buy my own groceries, cook my own food, clean my own space and the family bathroom on a routinely basis. But I was diagnosed with ADHD about 5 years ago. I kick-started my diagnosis myself and took myself to the GP because my parents didn't believe I had it despite all the obvious signs, but that's a whole other story. And it's long. Point being, sometimes my room gets a little messy, im not talking horrendous or dirty. I just leave things on the ground or clutter on my desk. I have a small room and a lot of belongings (I do throw away/donate a lot of things often), so sometimes I struggle with motivation to always have everything in its place.

My mother will wash my clothes and leave them in my room for me. I've always told her I will happily wash my own clothes, with my own laundry detergent. I have my own washing basket in my room when the rest of the house puts their dirty clothes in the same washing basket. She insists on washing mine, so I let her. The problem is she will complain and over dramatise that when she walks into my room to drop off clean laundry she nearly always "breaks her neck" or "slips" on something I've left on my floor and tells me I'm messy and need to clean up my room. I tell her it's my space, my room and maybe she should look where she's walking especially if she insists on doing my laundry and putting it in my room.

She specifically mentions my work bag which I leave at the foot of bed in front of the door. I literally have no where else to keep and I never have an issue with stepping on it as its always in the same spot.

She doesn't respond well to me telling her it's my space and that she should look where she's going. I remind her constantly that she doesn't have to do my laundry and could just stay out of my room entirely to avoid this situation from happening but she argues and says that if I do my laundry it will mess up her 'system'. It usually leads to an argument.

Who is in the right here? Should I respond differently?

On another note, my mother is constantly complaining about my candles. I light one at a time and usually go for fruity and sweet scents like guava and mango or vanilla. At nighttime, as I struggle to unwind due to my active brain, I light a lavender candle. It's the best lavender candle I've ever used, and I love the smell. My door is always shut, but she complains that she can smell it in the hallway and then demands I blow out my candle. It doesn't matter which scent I use. She demands that I blow it out. But my argument remains that its my room and she has no say over what I do in my room.

I never leave my candle unattended or in a place where it could catch fire to others things as I'm not an idiot and understand how heat and flames work. What do I do about this? I find the flickering flame and gentle scents extremely soothing and its one of the best ways I can shut down after a busy day at work. AITA for having clear boundaries about my room in my mother's house?

This may seem lile a silly question but I'm genuinely unsure. My bfs grandmother sadly passed away a couple weeks ago. She never wanted a funeral, just a get together and celebration. I'd met her a couple times and was actually with her for her last days and have spent the last two weeks comforting my bf.

My bf wants me to go with him to the wake that his mother has organised but I don't know what to wear. I asked my bf if we had to wear black like you typically would but he said no. That leaves me stuck. I have a few options but I don't want to be inappropriate in my outfit choice.

My first thought was a black based but colourful floral dress. The flowers aren't huge, just lile a colourful ditsy print with short but flowy sleeves. I don't know if this will be too much as I know I look very good in this dress and will always receive compliments from strangers when I wear it. Not to be big headed just explaining what happens.

Edit: I think from reading a lot of suggestions that I'll go with a dark floral dress with a dark cardigan over top! Thanks for all the suggestions

Any suggestions?

So I'm in a bit of a confused mess. I (25F) and my boyfriend (fake name - Toby 33M) have been together for a year. For the past few months Toby has made comments of me sharing his last name multiple times and has even joked about proposing to me with a gummy ring. Tonight randomly I made a suggestion about what theme our wedding (in the very distant future) should be and explained how most little girls plan their wedding from a young age.

Toby completely recoiled on everything he'd previously said and made a joke about "That's if I even propose to you" and I joked along saying "yeah there is that, I won't be proposing to you. I'm the woman" (yes ik that women can propose, it's just not something I want to do in my relationship) and he went off on a big spiel about how he doesn't see the point in marriage and how it's actually more of a business venture then anything else. I said to him that it's more about the commitment side of things and how it's about two people that love each other enough to completely and legally commit to one another and share their lives, it doesn't need to be expensive or big but it is something I want. Toby said that we didn't need anyone to ordain us becoming boyfriend and girlfriend so why would we need someone to ordain anything else. He believes that what we are now is good enough. I asked him "do you even want to get married one day?" Toby said something along the lines of "I've always thought about marriage but I don't see the point of it".

Edit: We're both so similar is every other way, same sense of humour, same view on most world topics, usually very open and willing to talk things through in a healthy and honest way. We both have a stale sense of humour and often poke fun at one another. We find it best to day things as they are to avoid confusion and misinterpretation. So im just confused as to why he would say all the things about us sharing a last name and fake proposing to me but to then tell me months later that he thinks it's pointless

But now I feel like we've got difficult viewpoints on what each other wants in life. I want to be married one day and he's indifferent and sees it as a business endeavour. Would AITA if I pushed further and asked for more answers?