u/AarsynInthegame

So moved into a new place a few weeks ago and only just set up my electric drum kit. I've been wanting to do it for ages and was very excited to do so as I genuinely love playing the drums.

Whilst on facetime to my boyfriend, I showed him my drum sticks and he scoffed and said "they're so budget". My boyfriend is a drummer too and has been it a lot of bands, done a lot of performances etc.

I immediately told him "That's not very nice to say," he kept on about how he was just being truthful and that he's a drummer and that my drumsticks look like kids ones. I told him he was being rude and he got shirty with me. I told him not to speak to me like that, he tried defending himself saying they're only drumsticks, he's not being insulting to me but just saying things how they are. I told him I don't care, don't speak to me with that tone. He completely zapped all excitement I had about setting up my drum kit.

Now, I could be reading into this BUT my boyfriend is 8 years older than me and lives in a a somewhat rich/expensive area of the UK. I do not, I never have. Maybe this plays into this situation?

Am I overreacting or was he being unnecessarily rude? Please don't be rude, I'm purely seeking answers to help my situation, not insult me.

Edit: Also, I have an electronic drumkit so to my knowledge, I don't need fancy expensive drumsticks because they're not real drums. They're hitting a touch pad, which I could also use my hands to do. I don't perform or anything, simply just a hobby of mine thay I enoy

UPDATE: I just sent him a voice note explaining everything about how he spoke to me, how made me feel and how he continued being hurtful knowing it uoset me, and told him to not speak to me until he's come up with an appropriate response foe the conversation. He's at work right now so I'm guessing he'll listen to it when he's done.

So I F 26 have been diagnosed with ADHD since 2019. My boyfriend, M 33, hasn't been diagnosed with anything, but I do suspect some strong traits of autism which could be where our clash is.

Having ADHD and the type of person I am, I'm very spontaneous and like doing things on a whim/last minute. My boyfriend does not.

Today, he was working an extra shift, finishing at 3pm. I booked an appointment at 3:45. I did mention possibly booking this appointment the night before as I was having some problems. But only in slight passing before sleeping.

I texted my boyfriend before he finished work to tell him I've booked this appointment. I didn't expect him to take me, in fact I told him he didn't have to and I'd take a taxi. It really wasn't a problem in my head.

He became disgruntled and asked me where my thoughts were. He wanted to spend time with me after work and wasn't expecting an appointment to go to. Again, I told him he didn't have to go with me I was happy to go alone. He said my mentioning of this the day before wasn't good enough and he was just about to go to sleep so didn't remember well.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. There have been mutliple occasions where I've booked something or decided to do something spontaneously and he hasn't been on board and quite frankly, ruined my experience.

It makes me wonder whether or not we're going to work long term. We've been together a year and half already. I feel like I've made efforts to give him heads up about things, which I didn't do before but have since started to as he wanted some consideration from me when I do things like this. But I don't think is enough for him. I physically can't think the thought until I think it, I can't think to tell him earlier if I don't even know I might be thinking of doing something until later.

What do I do here? I've never had relationship doubts but this is really starting to eat me

So I'm an avid hair colour person. I've been dying my hair since I was 12, I'm now 25 so a good amount of time and very frequently. My hair never stays one colour for long.

I've always struggled with blonde though. At the moment I have sections of my hair bleached blonde at the front and black at the back. I've been able to do split dyed white and black in the past and it was WHITE. I'm trying to get there again.

Last night I bleached my roots and did a little all over the blonde toward the end to help brighten it, and then toned it with a white toner. It was still a fair bit yellow after the toner so I mixed an ashy lilac dye with some conditioner to colour correct the yellow and hopefully get a nice ashy blonde colour as it's worked numerous times previously.

I woke up this morning and it looks slightly green? Like mint green in areas and I'm confused. I know to cancel that out I need red dye to mix with conditioner and apply but i don't want it to turn brown or weird.

Should I apply more lilac dye with less conditioner? I wouldn't mind if it does turn slightly purplely, as it would wash out grayish.

How do I fix the green? This had never happened to me before!

So I work in a private nursery. I'm an assistant manager there. The owner is always around to micromanage EVERYONE.

Recently there's been a huge heatwave and we have no AC. Classrooms have been up to 35 degrees Celsius, which in the UK isn't comfortable at all.

I recall the Employment Law stating that employers must provide a comfortable temperature to work in, of course 'comfortable' can be very subjective.

We had a meeting a few weeks ago which i did not attend about Safe Sleep procedures. Apparently this meeting was very very important and couldn't be missed so it was a big deal to the owner when I didn't go.

My manager put information on Safe Sleep in my locker at work and asked me to read over it and then we'll talk about the content. So I read over it all and it's stuff I already am aware of, I've been in childcare for decade.

Funny thing, in the very important meeting notes about Safe Sleep policies and guidance it highlights that children should sleep in a room between 16-20 degrees. No room in the nursery has been anywhere close, all of them hitting 30 degrees or higher.

We record all room temperatures daily as part of our ongoing risk assessments. My question is, can I tell the owner that his contradicting himself and going against government guidelines and should be installing some sort of AC in the classrooms?

It's extremely uncomfortable to work in such high heat for 10 hours a day, chasing after babies, toddlers and small children, changing nappies, preparing food etc.

One child had thrown up today, most likely from the heat but this is hard to prove. Two children had nosebleeds despite never being prone to having them. I, myself have suffered from heat exhaustion. My internal muscles spasmed from being low in electrolytes despite drinking sport drinks and 3L water per day. I've also been feeling very faint and dizzy at times and have come home with a pounding headache.

I am not the only staff member displaying these symptoms. What can I do in this situation?

UK based. Hello! Bit of a situation here.

I work for a private company. No contract has even been signed. Pretty sure no one at my company had ever signed a contract. I've been working there since December 2025 and have since been promoted to Assistant Manager.

My boss puts out 3 dates for a 'mandatory' meeting, the 20th of May, 1st or 2nd of June. I choose May and put in for annual leave across the 1st and 2nd as I would be out of the city and down south, 2 hours away.

My manager approved my annual leave. The message then came out that the 'mandatory meeting' would be held on the 2nd of June. Out of working hours in the evening from 6pm to 7pm. I explained to management that I would be able to attend in person but offered to be on the phone if it was really that important.

I got called in for a meeting a few days later with my boss and manager where my boss basically told me that the meeting was mandatory and as part of the management team, I had to be there. So he would leave that decision up to me.

Come the day of the meeting, I tried to attend. Even left way earlier than I had planned and was on the road for 3PM. Unfortunately the weather and traffic conditions prevented me from arriving on time so I missed the meeting. I called my workplace at 4pm and explained that I was on the way but there was intense traffic and I will most likely miss it. My boss is threatening a disciplinary and says that legally a company CAN make work meetings mandatory.

My question is, can he do this? Especially as he provided mutliple date options, my annual leave was approved by a manager, I have no signed contract, and I offered to join via the phone/zoom?

Any advice would be great!

UK based. Hello! Bit of a situation here.

I work for a private company. No contract has even been signed. Pretty sure no one at my company had ever signed a contract. I've been working there since December 2025 and have since been promoted to Assistant Manager.

My boss sent out three dates for a meeting for people to choose, 20th of May or the 1st or 2nd of June. I chose the 20th of May. I put in for some annual leave across the 1st and 2nd as I would be down south in another city 2 hours away. My manager approved my annual leave. The message then came out that the 'mandatory meeting' would be held on the 2nd of June. Out of working hours in the evening from 6pm to 7pm. I explained to management that I would be able to attend in person but offered to be on the phone if it was really that important.

I got called in for a meeting a few days later with my boss and manager where my boss basically told me that the meeting was mandatory and as part of the management team, I had to be there. So he would leave that decision up to me.

Come the day of the meeting, I tried to attend. Even left way earlier than I had planned and was on the road for 3PM. Unfortunately the weather and traffic conditions prevented me from arriving on time so I missed the meeting. I called my workplace at 4pm and explained that I was on the way but there was intense traffic and I will most likely miss it. My boss is threatening a disciplinary and says that legally a company CAN make work meetings mandatory. My question is, can he do this? Especially as he provided mutliple date options, my annual leave was approved by a manager, I have no signed contract, and I offered to join via the phone/zoom?

Any advice would be great!

(All fake names) So I, Daisy 25F and my boyfriend, Dylan 33M have been together for a year. We've stayed at each others house for weeks at a time and have even taken little staycations together so it's not that I don't want to go on vacation with him, I do. Its where he wants to go.

At the beginning of our relationship he would talk about his time in Amsterdam and how great it was and how we should definitely go. I had never been so I agreed.

A few months ago we were talking through our past relationships and experiences, just briefly as we were both interested. Dylan mentioned that he'd been on vacation to Amsterdam with an ex, we'll call Poppy. That didn't sit right with me.

Obviously he's allowed to have past endeavours but he has pushed us going to Amsterdam so much and now I've found out he went with Poppy. I can't help but feel sort of lied to.

I no longer want to go and I've told him this. I said it feels weird knowing that you pushed for it so much and that you've taken someone else there before me. Am I just going to be another repeat vacation?

I know that we'll be doing stuff there, like bike riding or visiting tourist places and in the back of my head I'll have visions of them together there and I don't like it. I can't help it either, I don't want to feel like this. I'm not like this usually or anything else.

Dylan says he can't help what happened before me and I understood that. It just feels like I'm replacing her, like he's desperate to go back and relive those memories with her through me.

Now I know that's most likely not the case, he doesn't mention her or anything at all. It's just something that happened in the past, most people have that. I just can't shake the feeling of being lied to about visiting this amazing place together, knowing he didn't tell me he'd went with his ex gf first.

Am I being childish with this? I genuinely don't know. AITA?

Edit: because there's some missing information. He's told me before about other places he's visited with an ex and I had no feelings about it. We went to those places and had a good time! It's the fact that he's spoken about going to Amsterdam many times and some of his memories but excluded Poppy and didn't tell me about her until we had that conversation. I don't really care about this ex, it's more than he withheld that information intentionally

So I (25f) and my bf (33m) met on call of duty. We live 2 hours away but see each other frequently, possibly more then some of my friends. We've been together for a year.

Recently he has gone off playing video games, that's fine but I haven't. After work in the evening we video call to spend time together, pretty much every day.

Today he was supposed to be going to see a buddy of his but cancelled on him last minute due to being super tired from work

I planned to play cod whilst he was at his buddy's, when he told me he was home I told him I'm probably still going to continue with my plans.

He said okay and seemed dejected in his voice note. After a few minutes I told him I'd prioritise him because I loved him and if he wants to watch something then we will. I then fell asleep for half an hour and woke to a missed call and a message telling me to play cod but he'd be done watching his video in 15mins. I called him back.

During the call he told me he didn't actually know what he wanted to watch and offered choices to me. I told him I didn't actually mind and just wanted him to choose something.

The conversation then pivoted to him being tired and hungry so I ordered him some food and sent it to his house using uber. I then put music on and started waking up from my nap and enjoying myself.

I've had a rubbish week at work, I've had to take the MAP on Monday so my emotions have also been a bit volatile so feeling good and happy was a nice change.

I told my bf that I'm now feeling a bit better and was going to vibe out whilst I played some video games. He said okay and continued watching his videos. When his food came, he ate it. I continued to play whilst he ate it.

When he was done he asked me how long I think I'd be as he'd been waiting for 2 hours for me to watch something together. I told him i don't lile that question as it makes me feel pressured to rush my time and I was enjoying my music and video games.

He flipped and said I shouldn't say I'd prioritise him if I was just going to carry on doing my own thing anyway. I pointed out that he told me to play cod and he was eating food anyway and I was enjoying myself.

He took this the wrong way and said that I was saying that I wouldn't be having as much fun with him then as I would be playing call of duty which isn't true. I just was enjoying my time currently on the game.

He then reiterated our conversation and said that by telling me his video would be done in 15 minutes, he meant that I had 15 minutes to play and then he wanted to watch something together. But he hadn't said that. And when I called and asked what he wanted to watch he didn't know, and then we went off on a tangent.

Now my good mood is totally zapped and I don't want to do anything. Aita here? I don't know if I'm emotional unstable due to taking the MAP. I NEED ADVICE!

So my issue here is with my mother. We've never had the best relationship and I am working on it. I'm 25 and still live at home in my childhood bedroom.

Despite living at home, I am a very independent person and strive for that freedom all the time. I buy my own groceries, cook my own food, clean my own space and the family bathroom on a routinely basis. But I was diagnosed with ADHD about 5 years ago. I kick-started my diagnosis myself and took myself to the GP because my parents didn't believe I had it despite all the obvious signs, but that's a whole other story. And it's long. Point being, sometimes my room gets a little messy, im not talking horrendous or dirty. I just leave things on the ground or clutter on my desk. I have a small room and a lot of belongings (I do throw away/donate a lot of things often), so sometimes I struggle with motivation to always have everything in its place.

My mother will wash my clothes and leave them in my room for me. I've always told her I will happily wash my own clothes, with my own laundry detergent. I have my own washing basket in my room when the rest of the house puts their dirty clothes in the same washing basket. She insists on washing mine, so I let her. The problem is she will complain and over dramatise that when she walks into my room to drop off clean laundry she nearly always "breaks her neck" or "slips" on something I've left on my floor and tells me I'm messy and need to clean up my room. I tell her it's my space, my room and maybe she should look where she's walking especially if she insists on doing my laundry and putting it in my room.

She specifically mentions my work bag which I leave at the foot of bed in front of the door. I literally have no where else to keep and I never have an issue with stepping on it as its always in the same spot.

She doesn't respond well to me telling her it's my space and that she should look where she's going. I remind her constantly that she doesn't have to do my laundry and could just stay out of my room entirely to avoid this situation from happening but she argues and says that if I do my laundry it will mess up her 'system'. It usually leads to an argument.

Who is in the right here? Should I respond differently?

On another note, my mother is constantly complaining about my candles. I light one at a time and usually go for fruity and sweet scents like guava and mango or vanilla. At nighttime, as I struggle to unwind due to my active brain, I light a lavender candle. It's the best lavender candle I've ever used, and I love the smell. My door is always shut, but she complains that she can smell it in the hallway and then demands I blow out my candle. It doesn't matter which scent I use. She demands that I blow it out. But my argument remains that its my room and she has no say over what I do in my room.

I never leave my candle unattended or in a place where it could catch fire to others things as I'm not an idiot and understand how heat and flames work. What do I do about this? I find the flickering flame and gentle scents extremely soothing and its one of the best ways I can shut down after a busy day at work. AITA for having clear boundaries about my room in my mother's house?

This may seem lile a silly question but I'm genuinely unsure. My bfs grandmother sadly passed away a couple weeks ago. She never wanted a funeral, just a get together and celebration. I'd met her a couple times and was actually with her for her last days and have spent the last two weeks comforting my bf.

My bf wants me to go with him to the wake that his mother has organised but I don't know what to wear. I asked my bf if we had to wear black like you typically would but he said no. That leaves me stuck. I have a few options but I don't want to be inappropriate in my outfit choice.

My first thought was a black based but colourful floral dress. The flowers aren't huge, just lile a colourful ditsy print with short but flowy sleeves. I don't know if this will be too much as I know I look very good in this dress and will always receive compliments from strangers when I wear it. Not to be big headed just explaining what happens.

Edit: I think from reading a lot of suggestions that I'll go with a dark floral dress with a dark cardigan over top! Thanks for all the suggestions

Any suggestions?

So I'm in a bit of a confused mess. I (25F) and my boyfriend (fake name - Toby 33M) have been together for a year. For the past few months Toby has made comments of me sharing his last name multiple times and has even joked about proposing to me with a gummy ring. Tonight randomly I made a suggestion about what theme our wedding (in the very distant future) should be and explained how most little girls plan their wedding from a young age.

Toby completely recoiled on everything he'd previously said and made a joke about "That's if I even propose to you" and I joked along saying "yeah there is that, I won't be proposing to you. I'm the woman" (yes ik that women can propose, it's just not something I want to do in my relationship) and he went off on a big spiel about how he doesn't see the point in marriage and how it's actually more of a business venture then anything else. I said to him that it's more about the commitment side of things and how it's about two people that love each other enough to completely and legally commit to one another and share their lives, it doesn't need to be expensive or big but it is something I want. Toby said that we didn't need anyone to ordain us becoming boyfriend and girlfriend so why would we need someone to ordain anything else. He believes that what we are now is good enough. I asked him "do you even want to get married one day?" Toby said something along the lines of "I've always thought about marriage but I don't see the point of it".

Edit: We're both so similar is every other way, same sense of humour, same view on most world topics, usually very open and willing to talk things through in a healthy and honest way. We both have a stale sense of humour and often poke fun at one another. We find it best to day things as they are to avoid confusion and misinterpretation. So im just confused as to why he would say all the things about us sharing a last name and fake proposing to me but to then tell me months later that he thinks it's pointless

But now I feel like we've got difficult viewpoints on what each other wants in life. I want to be married one day and he's indifferent and sees it as a business endeavour. Would AITA if I pushed further and asked for more answers?