u/Able_Invite_2786

Hi there Brisbane,

I am a single woman living in a duplex in Brisbane. There have been issues surrounding my neighbours, who lives next door. Renting.

What happened was that when I first moved into this duplex in late 2025, I noticed that my electricity bill was exorbitantly high ($260.00 for the month). This was through a smart meter. I followed up with my electricity provider as why this may be the case, and they told me to cut down on electricity usage. I did, and I received my bill for the next quarter (after setting my payment sequence to this) for $850.00. I found this to be ludicrous (never in my life, living alone have I had such a bill), so I rang up the provider again and they instructed me to have a look at my physical metering box (which is on the Neighbor's side of the house).

What I discovered was that the meters were switched (NMI mapping error). According to the blue-prints of the property found in the meter box my unit 'unit 2' is written right under the correct smart meter box I'm meant to be on... So, I sent through these photographs to my electricity provider and they switched me to my proper box. With smart metering, I saw that my electricity usage was now congruent with how I live, compared to my neighbors who are an entire family living next door. My electricity bill, now being $90.00 per month.

The issue is that my neighbors aren't the most cooperative people. Just today they've been purposely moving my bin off of my driveway (the only space that's available for pick-up), which had led to my garbage not being collected (I contacted the Council and Police). No, it is not obscuring their side or anything like that... there is clear markings to reveal each side of our duplex, plus I have discussed the matter with the Council and they said I was doing the right thing. I asked the neighbor and seemingly, ignoring me, clicking away on their phone they said "I have CCTV footage, your bin was too heavy, so they didn't collect it. Just leave it there." I asked them if I could see the footage, and defensively and rudely they said "I have the footage." I found it odd that they knew it was heavy, but also, their story doesn't line up. I moved the bin to the front of my driveway yesterday, Wednesday as I always do for pick-up. I work from home... and I heard the bin truck go by, and I went outside to wheel it back in. I saw that it was still full (I had a look at my neighbor's bin to see that theirs was empty) moved in-front of a car parked on the side on purpose (off of my drive way). I contacted the Council and they issued me a bin collection reference and instructed me to put it on the driveway, the Police recommended I put a sign on it. The second time, it was moved to the same spot in the afternoon. I have documented everything, and time-stamped everything.

Now... the electricity matter. I have been trying to sort out this mix-up with my electricity provider. Currently, my Neighbors are trying to switch to a different electricity provider using my proper NMI (as physical reality has shown, with my meter box), and I have been alerted via text that I am switching to another one (I am not). I have to keep ringing up my provider to let them know that it isn't me making this change. I've provided evidence of photographs of the meter box, corresponding floor plans, my lease (to show my physical address) and have been following this up, everyday. I can't discuss this with my neighbors, because judging from their behaviour they wouldn't be much help (they also opened my Amazon package, gave it back to me and said the children opened it [It has my name clearly on the box - after this I put clear instructions to ensure they deliver my packages to me, only]).

The last person that lived here broke the lease, I think I understand why... I have contacted the real estate agent, and they have been in-touch with the owners. The next door neighbor, when she gave me a package of mine (in-which she signed off on) just brought up unprompted that she knows the owners personally (a bit odd and I'm not sure if I can believe anything she says, she seems to be the kind of person to skew reality to her benefit).

Any advice would be appreciated. I was thinking of requesting CCTV for my side of the duplex, but I'm not sure if that would be okay? This is the first time I've ever encountered anything like this. Personally, I just want to live in peace... The last set of units I lived in, the people there were lovely. This though, not pleasant.

About my life.

Namely, I feel as if I'm in a perpetual cycle of feeling as if I can't trust anyone. Whenever I feel a slither of hope, or as if I can completely rely on someone and trust their word... I'm hurt severely, and I'm led to feel stupid for trusting.

Is it true that there are people out there that are reliable, and solid? Ones that are trustworthy, and mean what they say - say what they do? (Integrity).

Do they actually exist? I mean, I know I exist. I follow through on things I say I'll do, and I lead with integrity. My exes have all said that I have. They have all said I was the best partner they ever had, and felt as if they weren't enough, and couldn't give me what I needed/wanted.

I haven't really come across anyone like that (someone that's reliable, and sturdy), especially not in my love life. My previous partners have caused the most damage, I'd say. They were unpredictable, at times chaotic, and would say things that they meant in the moment... only not to follow through with it, with action. Then again, I believe I've a part to played in that too (of course, I tend to over-function in relationships... believing that everything will fall apart if I don't, and when I stop... everything does fall to pieces - the relationship survives because of me; I choose the wrong partners).

How do I rid myself of this? I'm sick of it, and I want to stop this cycle. I've been in therapy for years, seeing as Psychotherapist (now, six). I just don't feel as if I can rely on her either (she is rather flakey, and cancels/reschedules appointments often due to a health problem she has - also, during a crises throughout the years, she's been a no-show) Before that, I began seeing therapists since I was 16 (I'm 32, now).

I just don't feel as if I'm really getting anywhere. What am I doing wrong? Sure, I've come far in many respects. But this one thing... I just can't shake.

I've reached a breaking point where I'm reaching out on Reddit, trying to break through... perhaps in desperation? I just feel as if something has to change. I can't just accept this anymore. I'm told to be more patient from my Psychotherapist... however, I can't help but feel that the answer is right under my nose, that I can choose to do things differently.

I've been seeing my psychotherapist for many years - nearly six years now... and at times, when I've needed an emergency remote appointment (which is rare) as well as general appointments, she is a no-show. I contact her both via text, and email, and I get no response.

She has said that her communication lines are to blame in past, and that for some reason she doesn't receive my emails/texts sometimes. She hasn't bothered to amend/fix this if that is the truth.

Yesterday, I had a crisis of sorts. Going through a break-up, and having no support network (my family is quite distant, and I have tensions with a lot of my siblings so I can't interact with them), and I have no friends (I have been working in therapy to heal my mistrust of people, and attachment traumas). I feel disappointed, and very distressed... because I don't have that many secure/reliable people in my life, well, past the attachment I've secured with my parents (although, it's still quite distant). I feel that her inability to show up, especially during times where I really need her support (have) impact(ed) my preoccupied attachment issues even more so. That I can't trust, or rely on anyone... that ultimately, people will let me down.

She contacted me back, yesterday, offering two times. I chose one, and it's been 20 minutes. I tried calling her, and I texted her and emailed her. Her phone is said to be 'switched off', when I try and call through.

I sent her an email expressing disappointment, which I've withheld in doing so for many years after she's done it (I feel that it's wrong for me to express disappointment when she's flaky/late - also afraid that she might blame me for having attachment issues, which is why I'm feeling distressed).

Is this right, or am I just being unreasonable?

Edit: She put me down for 2PM, and I expressed that I emailed her for 1PM... she told me I was being unreasonable, and that I should be psychologically flexible, because she took time out of her Sunday off to book an emergency appointment. She didn't apologize for the error, and told me "Do you want to talk about this, or the break-up?" I ended up breaking down and hanging up. I just feel like I can't trust anymore.

UPDATE TO THIS POST: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1tbz99f/my_partner_is_enmeshed_with_his_family_and_its/

Hi all, I'm a 31F. If you were here, I posted not long ago about my now ex, who is 34m. We were together for nearly 8 months, and he was meant to be coming to visit me here in 3 weeks. We said our final goodbyes, and we deleted each-other off of all the social platforms we knew each-other on. I deleted photos (archives some), deleted our entire WhatsApp chat history/and him as well.

For context, he was severely enmeshed from his family of origin (particularly his Dad, he fears even to have a discussion with his Dad - because an argument feels like life/death with him) and he decided to have a videocall with me up and break up for good. I was amicable, and I agreed. He said that it wasn't because he didn't love me, and he stayed because he truly wanted 'me' and the relationship...

Although he tells me that this was his decision, I don't believe it. Getting to know him, he is someone that didn't truly have a mind of his own. His own perception on an existential level of life itself was always filtered through his Father (a figure of both protection and fear). Then again, that doesn't matter too much now.

I did put a boundary down, however... that if he said for the third time that he wanted to end things, that would be it for us. I followed through. No begging, no pleading. I accepted it, although he was contradictory throughout (he told me the day before he wanted us to work things out). For him to get through the break-up, he took a Benzodiazepine (he's never one to allow himself to feel real emotion, when he was going through grief, which is natural, he'd use Benozdizapime and drown himself in work). So, when we broke up... he was seemingly emotionless. For me, naturally I was sad... teary, but I also felt a strange sense of relief.

Now that he's gone, I'm left with myself. I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit, if it isn't, feel free to direct me elsewhere! But, I see from reflection and the advice that I still have much work to do. I ask myself the question: Why was I attracted to someone like that, and why did I stay?

Why didn't I walk away after the first signs of when he let me down? (forgot important dates, would hang up on me abruptly on the phone when his family would call him - ECT). Also, he didn't know how to do basis adult things... regardless of him doing a PhD, and being highly educated that's very peculiar (especially since his 34 years of age).

I thank you all for giving me sage wisdom and advice on the time I posted... That was only a couple of days ago.

How do I feel? I feel free. The relationship was a lot for me. Too much, especially since the beginning. His dysfunction was clear, but there was in me that said "No, I can make this work" - on reflection, I see that's wrong... two people make a relationship work. I carried pretty much everything in the relationship, and as soon as I put boundaries up and told my now ex that I couldn't do it anymore the relationship fell to pieces.

I'm in a serious relationship. I'm 32f, and him... he's 34m.

We're in a long-distance relationship, and have been together for nearly eight months. We've been in contact, pretty much everyday, through calls as well as video-call. This relationship is the longest relationship he's ever been in, with his total relationship count before me, being nine relationships that never lasted past five months (this one was when he was a teenager, his first one). He mentioned that all of his exes were crazy, never expressing the wrong he did the relationship... And just as well, his family were the ones to convince him to leave each and every one of them.

We first began as friends, but began to develop feelings for each-other and we decided to get into a relationship together. I love him, still... despite the things that have happened.

As our relationship has gone on, I've been noticing strange behavior. Namely his parents (his Father, who is the head of the household, most of all) is becoming more overbearing. It all began a week ago when he was being ganged up on (bullied, rather) to go to bed from his family members (sister, and father). Also, other things - such as him not knowing how to cook for himself, him not knowing how to lodge/navigate insurance claims for medical expenses (his Father takes care of this), him not knowing how to find therapists/psychiatrists himself (he said his Father knows how to find really good ones), and him not managing his own finances (he gives a majority of his earnings to Father, who does whatever he wants with them), his Father drove him to work most of the time (I encouraged him to drive himself).

I'm now questioning the relationship after my partner tried to end the relationship, a second time (first time was related to familial meddling) when peace was disturbed in his family's household. Over what, you ask? I tried to encourage him to put down a boundary with his Father (my partner said he felt resentful towards his parents, treating him like a child) to wait five minutes, whilst me and him were wrapping up a conversation (it was a serious one), but his Father couldn't wait (my partner describes his Father as controlling and impatient, and he is afraid of arguing with him). So, his Father sends my partner's sister in and then he turns off the microphone and he suddenly looks like a terrified little kid. He then begins breaking down. I feel sorry for him, seeing that the tension between the family and our relationship is stressing him out, so I offer to give him a day to himself to soothe himself. Big mistake... he lives with his family, and well, there's really no way of him to get away from them. Next day, he calls me on video call, breaking down and in tears - he then threatens to end the relationship again, because his Father said the relationship was 'destroying' him (my partner, echoing his words) and that me requesting the five minute boundary (one, which my partner agreed to, earlier on) was unreasonable. My partner also ended up devaluing me extremely, treating me like the rest of his exes (to whom he labelled as 'crazy'). I had to spend two hours, reading out texts we've exchanged throughout the course of this relationship, because the things he was saying was not at all objectively correct (contradictory to the things he himself texted, and said) - his sense of reality, warped, so easily. It went to the extent that I broke down myself, due to the weight of feeling the relationship on my shoulders.

My partner identifies as having fearful avoidant/disorganized attachment, and he both loves and fears his Father. So my partner... he can be hot and cold - extremely loving, and extremely cold (he says he freezes up/doesn't know what to say) when we're having a disagreement, or his family is involved.

I feel traumatized by the whole experience. And it's been really difficult; A week ago... I felt really good about the relationship, and I was really looking forward to our future. I'm not sure what to do. He's visiting me in 3 weeks... And after what has happened, I'm not sure if it's worth it anymore.

If you could give me some advice, I'd appreciate it. I do love him, and part of me does believe in him - I understand he's been through a lot in his childhood, and I have a lot of empathy for him, I just find it hard to believe anything he tells me anymore.

Edit: Spoke to my partner, apparently his Father said our relationship was 'toxic' after my partner told him everything about our relationship. I asked him why he spilled everything to his Father, and he said "I don't know why I did it..." And he said that he shared personal things about my upbringing to his family. I told him that he doesn't have any right to share anything personal about my life with anyone. Since your candid and wonderful advice (thank-you everyone), I have set boundaries with him... and if he crosses them, I will have no choice but to leave the relationship. You are correct that I shouldn't put up with this (no one should).