u/Abyss_Walker_06

I dont typically air out my own personal business for anyone to see but i honestly dont really know who i can go to with this and it seriously needs to get off my chest.

This requires a fuck ton of context so this will be kinda long.

About 5-6 years ago i was going through my first breakup and i had met this girl in my french class, lets call her L. She started talking to me and soon became obsessed with me, like really obsessed. She started memorizing my schedule, every little detail about me, just everything she could. I tried to cut her off multiple times but i kept coming back out of guilt, at this same time i was also going through a depressive episode which i believe was the cause of the guilt. This kept going on for a few years and eventually i stopped going back and forth because i felt like the obsessiveness had stopped and she had grown up. Fast forward to 2 years ago whenever i first get into college, she starting becoming obsessive again and started lashing out at me and getting upset about me hanging out with other people. Around this same time too i had gotten into another relationship, and lets call her A. Now during the previous summer L had told me if i had gotten into another relationships she would stop talking to me, and i had fostered a decent friendship with her so i didnt wanna lose that. So i hid this relationship with A from L. A few months go by and i had a concert for my school's jazz ensemble going on, L had begged me to let her go and i did not let her because A and my parents would be there, my parents did not like L and i didn't want them to say anything. After the concert i posted about it and L absolutely blew up at me. I then decided i was gonna try and cut her off simply because i just couldn't do it anymore. But then she went more and more insane, calling my phone over a hundred times in a day and finding out my email (idk how she got it but it must've been through a demo or something i sent years ago) and spamming that. I admitted that i got into a relationship so shed leave me along and then she kept asking me personal questions about my relationship, how far we've gone and how long we've been together, stuff like that. Eventually i gave up so she would just stop and i thought that would be the end of that (big mistake number 1). Come around Christmas time i learned that L had become very depressed and was contemplating suicide. This obviously put me in a worse place mentally because i didn't want that stress on my conscience of someone i knew going through with that, i was already becoming a bit depressed with stress from costant arguments with L and learning how to navigate adulthood. A few months go by and A asks me to stop talking to L and i agree for about a week. After that week i start feeling more and more guilty for leaving that friendship and i secretly talk to L again (big mistake number 2). I decided to hide this from A for about half a year, im not sure why i did. During this whole time period i slip further and further into depression as the lie continues. Come may of last year, the school year ends and i come back home from college. Throughout this whole summer L makes me spend time with her everyday which makes have to come up with random things to do so im not just leaving my house randomly, has me call her even though i dont like phone calls, and makes me share every single detail about everything with her. She did this all with the threat that shed go through with suicide and that she'd contact A (somehow???) and tell her everything. Being so far down the rabbithole of depression and guilt from trying to prevent suicide i gave in. A wanted me to travel and see her multiple times that summer and i only did that once because, once again, L threatened me. This goes on until the end of July where A finds out and breaks up with me after an argument where I say some absolutely stupid stuff that I did not mean and regret horribly. A month goes by and me and A reconnect and begin to get help for my depression and cut L off. Things begin to go well and we get back together. Come January though L tries to contact A and this sets her off. A has bipolar I, anxiety, and a shitty past which i will not go into detail about to keep her privacy. A begins to have constant anxiety attacks causing her to fear everything, everyone, and she stays in her dorm 99% of the time. This continues for the rest of the semester until about April. I go to a local show and, surprise surprise, L is there. She corners me and forces me to let me allow her to stand with me at the show, i cant really go to anyone about this either because the venue had no security so i just had to sit there and take it. A few days later A confronts me about something she found on my music account, L followed it and i never check that so i wouldnt know. She got really upset about this and i admitted what happened at the show. Some time passes and the semester ends, A starts feeling less anxious and she decides to transfer schools because of L and the mental anguish she was put through. Now cut to a few days ago, A decides to break up with me out of the blue for honestly some bullshit reasons. She says that she cant let go of what happened a year ago despite my efforts to try and mend things between us, that i have a victim complex despite the fact that i owned up to every mistake ive made, and that im "comfortable lying" fully knowing the situation i was in.

Essentially she broke up with me because she cant let the past be the past and viewed the entire relationship as conditional, possibly even her love for me. This goes beyond me and her too, she literally cuts off everybody in her life as soon as they do something she doesn't like and then complains that im the reason she has no friends because she had to "choose me over her friends." On top of that, she seemingly seems to find comfort in conflict and cannot be at peace. She feels some sort of need to create some sort of conflict whenever she isnt directly in one and that usually falls onto me, and she then digs up the past. It all just pisses me off because i feel like i never got an actual chance to mend things and have it count for something, every time things seem to mend she breaks them once again by starting something else up.