It truly was his choice
I remember the confusion and hurt that engulfed the fandom on March 10th. I was part of the protest for a day and a half. Thankfully, I came to my senses by the evening of March 11th.
Even though I‘ve never supported the protestors in earnest, one of the things they say so often has revolved in my head incessantly - there is no way Heeseung wanted to leave everything behind.
Logic did manage to creep its way in through the cracks in my despair, but even so, understanding something is a far cry from accepting it.
For the longest time I was worried sick about the other six, and the worry eclipsed any concern I felt about Hee and his silence. I will never forget the way the fandom turned on them, the horrible things said about them, all the doubt and unnecessary criticism and lack of humanity.
Blood Saga was the biggest collective sigh of relief we as a fandom have ever had. I hold no doubts about the boys and their future. No worries, no fears whatsoever.
But ever since Blood Saga D3 ended, I have been missing Hee so badly. Constantly checking for updates, going through his Instagram again and again, listening to Dial Tragedy so much that YouTube is concerned for me.
With every passing day, it hurts a little less, and it becomes easier to accept.
He looks so much healthier and happier now. I was in tears watching his first live as Evan. Him and his kind smile, his soft eyes, his little whoops of EVAN! He seemed so excited. I know he won’t last long and we’ll have the spoilers soon.
Watching him be so excited, living a slow life, walking by rivers and eating ramyeon, sitting on rooftops - I just can’t help but think this truly is how it was supposed to be.
He gets to work at his own pace, share music he has been working on for so long with us, and show the world what he is capable of - not just as a performer and vocalist, but as an artist, making his own music.
I could not be prouder. My brave Bambi. My brave, brave boy.
And the other members get to shine and explore what they are capable of as well! I would love to see more of composerWon and ProducerJake and GuitaristJay and HighnoteNoo and DanceBreakHoon and RapperKi (it all sounds so corny but I can’t not mention the most iconic parts of Blood Saga)
I will miss OT7 Enha forever, but don’t they say that grief doesn’t get smaller - your heart just gets bigger and fuller of other amazing things.
I am so impatient and I cannot wait to hear his music.
I hope with time, I will feel even more acceptance and joy than I do right now.
(And for some reason the maknaez raiding his closet before Melbourne and him raiding Jake’s is really damn funny)
Thank you, universe, for the chance to get to know and love ENHYPEN HEESEUNG.
I may not have been around for Heeseung’s debut, but I am here for Evan’s, and I could not be more grateful.
I gave the Taylor song loml to Heeseung. It means both love of my life and loss of my life.
But recently I’ve been listening to another Taylor song I think is very comforting -
‘And the years passed
Like scenes of a show
The Professor said to write what you know
Lookin' backwards
Might be the only way to move forward
Then the actors
Were hitting their marks
And the slow dance
Was alight with the sparks
And the tears fell
In synchronicity with the score
And at last
She knew what the agony had been for
The only thing that's left is the manuscript
One last souvenir from my trip to your shores
Now and then I reread the manuscript
But the story isn't mine anymore’
We all got to read the story of OT7 Enha, and now we get to read Evan’s and OT6 Enha’s stories.
Here’s to all the memories, and here’s to the ones we have yet to make.
Cheers.
Love you Evan. We’re all waiting. (Seriously hurry up)
(Edit - the creator is Rizmiracovers on IG and she’s amazing! i highly recommend everyone check her out, I love her Enha and SKZ covers!)