u/AccomplishedShift652

I am 26, F.
I was abused sexually, emotionally, verbally etc.
Instead of shutting down like some do, I became aggressive and rebellious against people in general and my family who allowed these things to happen. My brothers were physically abusive and my mother would sell me to her friends and boyfriends from the age of 3-4 years old. I was kicked out of home at 15 years old.
My parents threw me in mental hospitals from the age of 10-17 years old. (yes, even after kicking me out)
I would work 3 jobs to make sure I have enough money to pay rent. sometimes I'd be sleep outside of a church. (It was a small town.)
I was still very angry and would often fight and cause trouble.
But at 18 years old I changed my life a lot. By that I just mean I decided to stop being so angry and to become a nicer and more caring person.
At 20, I left the country and moved to South Korea for 3 years. I was able to find myself, and I even speak 4 languages now and have met many great people.
I've done significantly better for myself.
The problem is now, I have no discipline.
At work, i'm fine. But in my personal life I find it really hard to do normal things.
Like clean up after myself after eating. Or cleaning the kitchen after cooking.
It takes me at least 2-3 days to do it.
It's not laziness because I want to do it. But i find it hard to do it, mentally i mean.
And i've always been an overweight person. I want to lose weight. but I find it hard to take the action of actually working out and eating less.
even when I'm not hungry, I think "I need to eat." even when I feel sick after eating.
I want to work out. The motivation is there. But the energy for the action is not there.
It's hard to find a part time job these days, I'm either too qualified or underqualified. so I just stay at home and teach english online. It is a job, it brings me income. But the problem is with just being at home.
I want to find a way to discipline myself. Like with a routine. but I've always found it hard to do these kinds of things alone.
I was looking for some advice on how others who may have had similar feelings have been able to deal with this kind of thing?
And, this might be a weird question, but is there a program with any type of trainers or counselors who assist with in home daily discipline like this?

Thank you in advance and sorry for the lengthiness.

I am 26, F.
I was abused sexually, emotionally, verbally etc.
I became aggressive and rebellious against people and my family who allowed these things to happen. My brothers were physically abusive and my mother would sell me to her friends and boyfriends from the age of 3-4 years old. I was kicked out of home at 15 years old.
My parents threw me in mental hospitals from the age of 10-17 years old. (yes, even after kicking me out)
I would work 3 jobs to make sure I have enough money to pay rent. sometimes I'd be sleep outside of a church. (It was a small town.)
I was still very angry and would often fight and cause trouble.
But at 18 years old I changed my life a lot. By that I just mean I decided to stop being so angry and to become a nicer and more caring person.
At 20, I left the country and moved to South Korea for 3 years. I was able to find myself, and I even speak 4 languages now and have met many great people.
I've done significantly better for myself.
The problem is now, I have no discipline.
At work, i'm fine. But in my personal life I find it really hard to do normal things.
Like clean up after myself after eating. Or cleaning the kitchen after cooking.
It takes me at least 2-3 days to do it.
It's not laziness because I want to do it. But i find it hard to do it, mentally i mean.
And i've always been an overweight person. I want to lose weight. but I find it hard to take the action of actually working out and eating less.
even when I'm not hungry, I think "I need to eat." even when I feel sick after eating.
I want to work out. The motivation is there. But the energy for the action is not there.
It's hard to find a part time job these days, I'm either too qualified or underqualified. so I just stay at home and teach english online. It is a job, it brings me income. But the problem is with just being at home.
I want to find a way to discipline myself. Like with a routine. but I've always found it hard to do these kinds of things alone.
I was looking for some advice on how others who may have had similar feelings have been able to deal with this kind of thing?
And, this might be a weird question, but is there a program with any type of trainers or counselors who assist with in home daily discipline like this?

Thank you in advance and sorry for the lengthiness.

I am 26, F.
I was abused sexually, emotionally, verbally etc.
I became aggressive and rebellious against people and my family who allowed these things to happen. My brothers were physically abusive and my mother would sell me to her friends and boyfriends from the age of 3-4 years old. I was kicked out of home at 15 years old.
My parents threw me in mental hospitals from the age of 10-17 years old. (yes, even after kicking me out)
I would work 3 jobs to make sure I have enough money to pay rent. sometimes I'd be sleep outside of a church. (It was a small town.)
I was still very angry and would often fight and cause trouble.
But at 18 years old I changed my life a lot. By that I just mean I decided to stop being so angry and to become a nicer and more caring person.
At 20, I left the country and moved to South Korea for 3 years. I was able to find myself, and I even speak 4 languages now and have met many great people.
I've done significantly better for myself.
The problem is now, I have no discipline.
At work, i'm fine. But in my personal life I find it really hard to do normal things.
Like clean up after myself after eating. Or cleaning the kitchen after cooking.
It takes me at least 2-3 days to do it.
It's not laziness because I want to do it. But i find it hard to do it, mentally i mean.
And i've always been an overweight person. I want to lose weight. but I find it hard to take the action of actually working out and eating less.
even when I'm not hungry, I think "I need to eat." even when I feel sick after eating.
I want to work out. The motivation is there. But the energy for the action is not there.
It's hard to find a part time job these days, I'm either too qualified or underqualified. so I just stay at home and teach english online. It is a job, it brings me income. But the problem is with just being at home.
I want to find a way to discipline myself. Like with a routine. but I've always found it hard to do these kinds of things alone.
I was looking for some advice on how others who may have had similar feelings have been able to deal with this kind of thing?
And, this might be a weird question, but is there a program with any type of trainers or counselors who assist with in home daily discipline like this?

Thank you in advance and sorry for the lengthiness.