u/Aceboogie713

Just wanted to post my notes where I log my progress and basically give you guys an update on my personal experiences with retaining. This is the longest I ever gone and this streak was different for me compared to my streaks of the past. I am currently unemployed and doing side hustle work everyday to survive. I remember hitting 20-40 day streaks when I worked at the mall, and man from what I can recall women would always stare at me at work and when I left to walk around the mall on my lunch break, even the women with boyfriends would eye fuck me and give me a devious smile. Life was good at this time, I was having a baby on the way, I had 8-10 girlfriends (yes I was a massive cheater), just go a new car, found a new house to rent, and I felt like I was on top of the world. I felt unstoppable, and from what I can tell I was happy and thought God was cool with me using my semen retention abilities and my overall self improvement progress I’ve made as a man to reinforce my own ego and warped view of masculinity.

Here’s where it takes a dark turn. That story I just said was in 2025, I’m now in 2026 with you guys and I just got out of jail in February, I’m currently fighting 2 separate court cases with 2 separate people, who hated me and who I had become and they both lied about me accusing me of doing harsh things that I would never do (not trying to convince redditors of my innocence just stating the facts). I lost my house, I lost my friends, my ex gf sold all my my belongings (at least $8000 worth of suits, boots, couch, dresser, belts, items given to me from deceased family members, etc)my friends went behind my back and tried to fuck my girlfriend, i gained 30 pounds, im unable to participate in mma anymore because of my ankle monitor, my sleep schedule is so fucked that I’m wide awake at 3 am writing this but on the positive side I started reading the Bible more and I started changing my prayer style, and I have actively been seeking him more and trying to be an active father. This streak has been an ultimate kick to the nuts, I remember all my previous streaks feeling like sunshine and rainbows, this one was a reality check for me. I still have the benefits of SR like for example There were men challenging me in jail trying to punk me and I stood my ground and challenged them back and they saw the look in my eye and decided that wasn’t the route they wanted to take with me. Also I still am receiving lots of attention from women online and in real life despite my noticeable weight gain. But for some reason, the events of my life in this streak are so detrimental and horrific. I feel so cold hearted and I feel pessimistic about my future. I remind myself that Jesus Christ will provide me with all that I need and I must repay him through devout worship, faith, fasting, and following. But regardless, I still feel doom and gloom. I can’t even look at women the same, I have a high sex drive and would like to dominate women still but they scare me more now than ever. After I have seen 2 women that I loved put me in jail over false accusations and turn my closest allies against me and strip me of everything I have even strip me of my daughter, I’m terrified of them. I had no idea what they truly were capable of, even a man on a 70 day SR streak is no match for the conniving, spiteful, a scornful women that this world has to offer. All I have left is Jesus Christ, my daughter, and my SR streak. I’m beyond broken, I’m tired, I’m tired of fighting, I’m tired of feeling like I’m on top of the world. Because every time I feel like I’m on top of the world, I get knocked down and suffer from a great fall. This is the greatest fall I’ve ever experienced in my life. Instead of attracting, I’ve pushed away. I’m done trying to be mister badass warrior, mister masculinity, etc. I’m just done. I still workout, I still keep my sobriety except for family gatherings, and I still will never go back to porn. But dude I feel stuck, I feel hopeless. That’s all I have to say, if an 18 wheeler is coming head on for me on the freeway, let’s just say. I’m not getting out its way. God bless yall and take care. Happy Easter fellas